Hey.. tonight I'm feeling fine..

"Hey.. tonight i'm feeling fine"
from a song i've heard this line
laying down my head with my phone by my side
wont you please ring for once this time

Hey.. am i feeling fine tonight?
the wind so strong and i feel so light

made me forget my brooding set of mind

but why don't i see a smile in sight

Are you kidding? You're still waiting?
I've seen mad man saner than you
my phone wont ring.. the smile wont stick
wake up wake up.. silly man.

Hey.. i found it.. i've found the way
Stop believing.. stop .. stop deceiving
I'm never gonna let it go if i keep trying so hard
never gonna see anything with my eyes wide shut

So then again.. dun waste my time
Quarter lifer ain't anymore too young
Say it's over.. Know it's over..
a brand new page awaits you silly man

Hey today i'm feeling fine!
I really am.. i feel so light
silly man.. silly man
i waited so long for nothing

and it took this Nothing to teach me everything else

I dont do rhyme

MICE MICE MICE... that's where the money is.
that's where i'm going. not after the money though.
How much is a few cents worth? how much is a lot of money worth?
Not much really.. yawn.. working for money? Isn't that a chore?

sneeze sneeze.. please turn of the tap.
If not for my blocked nose.. i could almost smell the air.
Welcoming.. exciting... challenging.. bleeding.. :(
Sneeze sneeze.. my nose is bleeding.. my head is burning.. yawn.. isn't it a chore

Selamat selamat.. stop playing your game..
you come out of hiding and we can all go home.
You can go back to jail.. where they feed you.. clothe you.. groom you like a pet.
Honestly.. the thought of that seems better than the lives of many i know.
Stupid selamat.. waste my time.. yawn.. isnt it a chore.

CNY CNY!!! -_-"

haiz, big deal.. how i wish i was a kid again. New Year is so much more fun when you're younger.

well well.. been busy recently.. havent got time to come around to blog. well.. life's as usual.. in 8Sig now.. busy busy busy.. doing so much stuff. But still, i feel much better now than i was in 3Sig. ha. Got lots more to learn though.. went in less than 3 months and i'm re-profiled again. argh.. ground zero.. square one! :(

well.. spent alot of money recently.. one particular one really made me bleed BIG TIME!! argh.. thinking of it really makes my heart ache again. Was supposed to be having our poly reunion dinner and ming yan suggested Humble House. Oh gosh!!! i remembered my brother told me it's expensive.. very expensive indeed! I called them up to tell them DUN eat there! haha.. but we still ended up there. :(

Haiz, good thing the company we had was good.. since we spending so much money, we might as well have a good time then. Damn malu thing was that the first dish was YuSheng.. then Humble Hse was quite dark.. we started stirring the YuSheng right away making so much noise.. then we realise a stunned waiter standing beside us holding 2 plates. Only then we realise our YuSheng had no fish and sauce.. only all the vege and redish and stuff. ha.

damn paiseh la.. we told the waiter we actually looking for the raw fish cos we thought it's underneath. haha.. lame excuse. ha. He put the fish and sauce and we started stirring again.. huat ah! haha.

5 course meal... first dish - YuSheng, 2nd dish - Shark Fin Soup, 3rd Dish - snow fish with vege, 4th dish, crab meat fried rice, 5th dish - 2pieces of Nian Kao(New Year cake). I feel the flavour was average.. overrated.. the cost? A WHOPPING $110 per pax!!!! argh! *world spinning, daniel screaming!!!

my most ex meal ever. haiz. dun recommend anyone there unless you feeling really rich. food fare was average..not really fantastic. 6/10.

back to work tml.. ktv was fun.. but they not enthu enough though.. crispina fly me airplane! last min tell me she not goin then she ended up gambling with my mum. haha.

kekeke.. gonna sleep le.. got work and school tml.. An Xin Shang Lu!!!

Christmas is over. well.. not really, it's never really over. thats not the point. the point is, Christmas is different this year. definately different. i think i gotta start getting used to it. New year is even over.. now's the jan birthday season now. One thing after another.. but it's so different now. Well.. wat was i expecting?

well.. i said i wanted to post after my trip.. but i didnt. i was busy.. i was tired.. i was held up with stuff.. i just plain didnt bothered. i've got nothing to say actually. everyday gone by but i feel so task orientated. this familiar feeling of unsatisfaction again. It's been good actually, better than i thought it would be. But cant help feeling that it could be so much more.

not just talking about church. About my work, about my life, about my family, about my friends. Everyone, including myself, fell short of my expectations. not that my expectations meant anything to them. i'm just sighing. thinking there could have been so much more in my life.

BUT! one thing did surpass my expectations! Toa Payoh HBD Hub foodcourt's ROJAK!!! my mummy wanted to eat over there and go visit the HBD showrooms as well.. but i was thinking " All the way to HDB for a plate of Rojak?!" oh boy was i pleasantly surprised by the rojak!

i walked up to the modern look stall as ordered a $3 plate of Rojak.. the uncle took my money and gave me number chip pointing to the automated number calling machine(those that you'll find in hospitals or clinics calling for paitent's numbers). He told me to collect when my number's up. i was stunned for a moment.. used to getting my rojak fast. this is pretty new.

i saw that my number is still quite some digits away.. went back to my seat to chat with my mummy for a while. She told me that this is the only place she know that has 2 stalls of Rojak in the same food court. the amazing thing is that both the stalls are of the same owner!!!

2 stalls! and i'm waiting for my rojak with a number chip.. either they're damn slow or they're really damn good!. haha. i hope it's the latter. hee.

15mins wait.. it's here! holding the weight of the $3 plate of rojak in my hand.. i can tell the uncle is really generous. the ingredients are fresh.. the you tiao is super crunchy! i cant stop eating! arghhh... damn nice. haha

long since i've been this impressed! must try.. Toa Payoh HBD Hub basement foodcourt!

ha.. sorry for the sudden food craving surge. *slurp

Shanghaied

i'm back! it's been so long...! (one week actually) ha. but i really missed reading blogs! was trying to blog in china, but you know.. china being a communist country, blocked most of the blogs from the internet over there. sianz. no way in.. no way out.

so many small experiences i wanted to blog on the spot while the memories were still hot, but let it simmer. sianz. ha. well.. still got the photos though. over the next few days will continue to top it up in here. Hopefully i still remember though. ha.

well.. generally, the middle kingdom is fine. finer than i thought. beijing was clean and organised(except for a few kids peeing on public pavement incidents. ha). things werent really cheap unless you go to those places selling AAA standard fakes. but one thing sure impresses, the ladies! oh yeah.. they were more than fine for me. ha. wait wait.. before you condem me into dirty old man region, i'm talking about how they present and carry themselves. ha.

i was wondering, what was different between the girls over there and in sg. well.. i really have no idea.. was it wat they ate? (my shxt does look different from my diet over there.. :x), the weather? cold so they start dressing up maybe? think it's really the whole package. The poise and manners. the dedication and the gentleness they exude.

maybe it's just the girls i met. lucky me.ha. anyway, before their female counterparts in sg start to curse and swear at me, i still prefer local though. they look more comfortable in their own skin, warmer and more welcoming. So support the Made In Singapore lable people! :)

ha. i bet the girls are also complaining about the local guys, but it's just different i guess. China opened up my eyes, and excuse me.. it's not just the girls that are eye opening. ha. they speed at which they progress, that they built, their crazy global ambitions. scary how this small dot is gonna compete with the awaken dragon.

well well.. i'm sitting in mos burger surfing. getting cold in here and my tummy is feeling funny. think i better make a trip to the xi shou jian(wash room in china). ha

*poof*

goin back to camp soon.. but more importantly.. TML I'M ON DUTY!! sianz.. 8Sig really quite a lot of duty.

anyway.. flying off to China on thurs! hee.. well.. a lot of things for thurs.. glen goin to army on thurs also! ha. all the best bro. may you be like a beacon of light in the army.. never falter to the temptations and coming out a stronger than ever! May you experience God in there like never before! and may our Father watch over you and keep you safe ya!

Just had Glen's farewell hightea yesterday at Raffles the plaza. ha.. food wasnt too bad.. and jackson(100plus guy) popped up with lester! ha.. long time no see. had a nice chat all afternoon. still the same old guy like so many donkey years ago. he said he's back for good this time round.. think he's trying to find a job with the foreign ministry. ha. all the best and welcome back yeah.

watch 2 shows yesterday.. enchanted and Hitman. Loved enchanted! haha. super lame.. happy ending.. just the way i like it. ha. Hitman on the other hand.. well.. bang bang bang.. thats about it. :(

anyway.. grace had her hair cut really short. ha. unexpected move girl! tot i had xi li zun bei le.. but still managed to suprise me. ha. but it looks really cute though. dun worry about ppl laughing or staring ya.. they just not used to you in short hair yet. hee.

anyway.. gotta go. back to camp that is.. yawn. :(

yawn.. Change of Command parade tml.. Doing Cue master. sianz.

cant wait for sat to come! hee. but it seems band prac.. movie and high tea a little tight to be squeezing into half a day. ha. oh well.. will see how.

sweet dreams daniel..

if i asked you you say yes?

just finished my CO's evening. For those who dun understand what that is.. it's like a cohesion night dedicated to my Commanding Officer. so eat.. drink.. watch performance.. drink even more.. make noise.. drink some more.

they had a company item competition.. very last min then i was informed. ended up having to represent my coy to sing a song. ha. damn paiseh.. so i picked my fav and most confident song. Xin Ru Dao Ge by jacky cheung! ha.

thats the only song i can remember by hard.. well.. think i did ok.. got lots of positive comments after tat.. but still got 3rd out of 4 contestants. haha. :( anyway.. it was supposed to sms voting. my battalion is 200 strong.. but my coy only 20 person.. ha. not bad that i didnt come in last eh. haha

army's stupid culture to drink beer really bores me.. keep forcing ppl to drink.. haiz.. my guys all look so drunk. but actually quite funny actually. ha. good thing i was still able to stand beer. but my poor s1.. this lady officer.. got drunk and started singing rubbish. think she's not goin home tonight.. probably sleepin in her officer le ba. hee.

anyway.. went out for a walk with jane, glen and yiling.. aiFen joined us for a while after that. Actually went out looking for a place to makan for glen's farewell dinner.. was thinking of utilizing my coupons from the expensive gourmet club i joined on impulse. ha. Buffets at $68++. ha. damn ex la.. good thing i got discounts! if not i think i'll nv ever spend this kind of money on food.

think i'm pretty decided on goin to one of the buffet thingie le.. will be sending out sms invitations by tml i guess. yummy! Ha.

somehow we landed ourselves in Mos Burger drinking milk tea and eating butterflies(fried prawns actually) talkin abt funny subjects. one of them was relationships.. realize i'm really old sch when it comes to relationship. Starting to bore myself. but it was a hearty talk.. abt real issues close to our hearts. long time since i had time like this to talk to jane le. Glen reminded me that before jane and me started talkin.. it was him that introduced us. ha. i was trying to recall.. seems like so long ago. then jane asked me if i remembered what was the first topic we were talkin abt.. i vaguely had an impression.

the funny thing is that both jane and glen remembers! they told me that the first topic jane talk to me about is about her house being hunted! haha. then it all comes back.. i was laughing myself silly inside.. ha.

another highlight was tat i finally got to see silin again! ha. she must be pretty stressed over her exams ba. Hey lady! if you're seeing this.. JIAYOU!!! hee. sorry for almost losing touch with you ya. dun worry.. will wake you up for church if you need morning calls de! :)

anyway.. i gotta be learning to keep in touch with friends.. seems like i'm always lagging behind. Time moving too fast for me.. next year i'll be at quarter life.. that is if i ever live to be a hundred! ha. sianz. but it doesnt really matter bah.. so old for what.

rubbish.. dunno what i talking abt also. anyway..i'll be asking ppl out for dinner. Like i asked jane. but she refuse to eat with me. :( haha. but she has her reasons ba.. dun worry ya.. no ulterior motives .. just happens to have some coupons to clear. If i ask you (whoever you are) for a dinner date.. dun ask me to eat with my mum like jane did ok! reserved dinners for my mum le. it's you i'm asking. ha.

k la.. sleeping soon.. tired le.. nitez

exam is over! ha. but i think that was pretty old news. 2 days old in fact. thanks God it's over. ha.

i remember just after i finished my last entry.. i met up with this classmate of mine. We talk alot.. but i dun think we really know each other's names. ha. But anyway.. she kept telling me about how stress she was at the moment.. we were just standing outside the exam room.. my mind was pretty blank.. wondering if i should be getting stressed as well. ha

i think she's so stressed because she flunked this module the last sem.. i just told her to relax. everything will be ok. lookin at her stack of well prepared notes.. i guess i should be the one relaxing.

sat done at my table.. as expected.. the air con was cold.. 730 sharp. i flipped the paper and write and write and write... company law and corporate governance.. hmm. good thing my research skills are good.. so open book exams still ok for me. not sure if will pass.. but being able to write till the very last min.. at least i've got things to write about. hopefully the lecturer will give me some sympathy points for my effort. ha.

but things didnt go too well for her.. apparently the tips my tutor gave didnt surface. everyone else studied it.. me? i just got time to read thru my lecture notes. "Good thing i didnt study!" i thought to myself. ha

well.. will see how i did. prepared to do it all over again. but of cos i'm hoping i pass.

k k. time to go for my medical appointment.

Irritating examination

here i sit at the atrium of UniSim .. 1.5hrs more to the start of my examination. give up studying already.. gonna take a break.. take a deep breathe.. vomit what little i know and get out of the exam room! ha.

i know i've hardly been studying.. it's really hard to when u're working and stuff. Imagine after work and you're all tired and drained.. you look at the stack of notes and books. How to find the strength to study!

really envy those seniors in their 3rd or 4th year.. gonna be free from this torment soon. chatting with them they always tell you that it's really not easy juggling work and studies. I even met this air steward who's studying and he's even married with kids! must be hard for him. at least it's over for him now.

the question now is how i will do later.. am i gonna fail a module in my very first sem? ha. i certainly hope not. cleared the rest le.. my final hurdle. people tell me to pray.. i know.. but i paiseh to ask God to help me when the prob is my own reluctance. But God please help me anyways! ha.

besides my last waiver exam.. tonight's paper is the first is 4years ! i pretty sure it's not just anxiety i'm feeling. it's like when you're faced with something new but yet so familiar. army seemed to have dulled my student instinct.. but thats ok.. i've nv have good student instincts anyway.ha. but one thing army taught me is that there's really nothing to worry about. things probably will turn out ok at the end of the day.

so here i come jumping out the plane without my parachute! i expect to be landing on some tree or some sea or something soft at least. dun mind breaking a leg or something.. just dun let me die. so help me God!

oh brother..

interesting how my brother turned around since he went over to FCBC. He always comes home with new things to share.. with new experiences to tell me about. made me feel kinda caught in between.

Recently my brother made a hard decision to leave and went over to FCBC, probably because his girl is over there.. and that in their marriage life it's better for them to serve in the same church. and since Bernice isn't gonna come over.. Andrew's over there.

From a lot of views.. it's really a pity. Been in the same church as my bro ever since i've known him as my "brother". ha. Never really thought this day would come. so many things we wanted to do together in church but we dragged on cos i thought we had time in this church. One thing i really regretted is that some time back, he kept egging me on about leading worship together with him. He told me that it'll be nice that we brothers could be leading worship together. but i told him i wasnt ready.. and it's not like we running short of time.

dun know if i'd ever have the chance again. things would be worst when he moves out after he gets married. times when the 2 of us whistling and singing harmonies out of the blues.. talking abt anime.. taking walks in malls talking about nothing. not anymore i guess.

been really reliant on him since i was a kid. i was living a shadow of his life. followed him where ever he went..wearing his clothes.. reading his books.. listening to his cds.. playing his old toys. that was me. Till a point when i hit adolescence that i realise i dun really know myself. hated everything about him.. wanted to do everything unlike him. wanted nothing to do with him. Nothing wrong with what he did.. it's more like hating the fact that Daniel seems to be lost behind the facade of andrew.

but i only realised how close we really are and how i really need my brother when he went overseas for his studies. i was at a lost.. things he was taking upon himself at home suddenly fell on my weak shoulders. I felt i was left without a shelter.

when he came back.. somehow we became really close.. alot more like what brothers should be. He'd be like a wall that i can lean on. A wall i can throw and bounce my stupid ideas and still get honest feedbacks. really thanked God for him.

but even though he's still here.. it feels kindda empty. i'm seldom at home.. he's always with bernice.. and now he's in another church. Feels like i'm standing in the middle of a big field and any direction that i lean i'm just gonna fall flat on my back. feels like this time i really gotta stand on my own 2 feet.

guess it's about time also. about time i woken up. great to see my brother all worked up for God.. really rubbing it on me as well. ha. quite envious of his God encountering experiences.. and wishing ECF could really do more. But i refuse to condemn ECF like so many did. i'm very sure God is still here.. and despite the hurts and incompleteness.. this church will rise up like dry bones into flesh again!

"Again he said unto me, Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them, O ye dry bones, hear the word of The Lord. Thus saith The Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am The Lord."

Wedding bells ...

in church now.. way too early for cell.

just attended Qi Wei's wedding this afternoon. was helpin him do videography cos someone else turned him down and told him i am good in video! *stun* First of all... i dun do videos and havent really done any wedding video besides JingHong's. Which is like dunno how many donkey years ago! The one who recommended me is some one who's whole education is in this field! ha.

I'll gladly help QiWei.. just grumbling at the one who sabo me. ha. hopefully he dun get shock when he sees the footages. i hope i opened up the lens cap. haha. just kidding la.. point and shoot.. how bad can it be.

well.. quite a nice wedding.. simple and neat.. nice and cosy. Met alot of ppl there.. new friends.. old friends.. really really old friends. In fact.. today really met alot of old friends.. not only at the wedding. there was Wayne.. Qi Mei.. Qi Min.. Angel(A.k.a angela to me.. ha) and a couple of others.

nice seeing qi mei there.. still as short as i remember. hee. She told me she's doin accountancy in NTU now. Cant believe it.. her petite figure hardly convincing to be a uni student.. haha.. but time really flies. She's still as lame a ever. Took some pictures together.. forgotten to get her phone number or email add. then can send her those photos. ha. (Anyone has her email? please email me in private. thanks)

Well.. i'm kindda in the age where you watch drama serials where they go weddings and all the uncles and aunties will ask you when is mine.. or trying to introduce girls to me.. sianz. it's jus like tv! oh man! sucks... thats the worst parts of weddings.. fending off these questions. ha.

quite shock to know that Qi Wei is getting married.. didnt know he was attached till like when he asked me for help. haha. i was like "wat! you marrying who?!" ha. but he's a nice person.. plays very nice music and he has a nice dog(Xemien - think thats how you spell his dog), got good qualities for find a good wife le.. haha. wat am i talking about??!

Die la.. if according to my standards then i think i gone case le.. i always laugh at my friends.. i cant play a single instrument.. and every single pet i owned either died or ran away! how am i gonna get married??? :(

good thing my standards are rubbish.. haha. well.. jus wanna wish QiWei and his wife a blessed marraige and that they'll fall deeper in love every step of the way.

will post some pictures here once i get the photos from lester.. the bride's maid is pretty pretty..(sounds weird -_-"). haha. but she doesnt smile.. like as if she dun like them getting married or something. haha. the people beside all gotta remind her to smile. ha. We were thinking maybe it's like those drama serials again.. maybe she also in love with QiWei! but too bad can only be bride's maid. haha. think too much.. nvm. -_-"

think i go grab a bite before cell first.. still got second half of my day. will blog again later tonight.

Contagious Emo PoP

i'm home.. in chinese pop mood now. ha. just came back from Ai Qin Hai. it is actually a cafe with live chinese pop music dedication. love the place.. been goin there quite often recently and really enjoy the music there. Lots of the singers there are all pretty good. got me all sucked into the music. ha.

but you know what's the prob with chinese pop? the prob is that chinese is very often very emotional.. sianz. but that is also the reason why i keep going back for more.. slurping up every drop of it. haha.

as soon as i settled back at home.. started looking for Sky Wu songs on imeen.com. ha. got myself a whole playlist, indulging in his beautiful voice painted on heart breaking songs about breaking up on a raining night! haha.. what the hell.. break up then break up la.. why must raining night somemore.. not emo enough you see.. that's chinese pop.. haha. love it.

i'm so in the mood for ktv now.. haiz.. which reminds me.. seems like i havent got no more kahkis to sings with me for a long long time already. sianz. Anyone wanna sing song or short of a partner to sing duet? please call 1800iwannasingktv or visit www.danielwannasingktv.com for booking. wahaha

well well.. better go nap le.. long day tml... happy deepavali..(did i spell it wrong? ha)

another day gone. this week's gonna be a short one.. i'm going home tml night. Cos weds i'm on leave for my medical appointment and my coy outing.. thurs is public holiday and fri i'm on leave again. haha

too bad sat i'm doin duty. spoil my super long weekend. haiz. anyway.. picking fiona up from the airport on weds morning. ha. since i'm on leave and she has an overnight flight. She promised to treat me to her discounted airport meals! ha. but i'll hav to wake up really early. well.. anything for a bite. ha.

one more thing to worry is the retreat on thurs and fri. sianz. supposed to be presenting the worship team's direction for the coming year and stuff.. but seriously, it hasnt been easy. Not when the worship team is still in shambles.. and those people committed also tied up else where. think i'll can only keep it operational at the time being. dun like being in this situation. sianz. what to do.

one more day at work! hope the fire wall works tml.. yawnz

100th post

my 100th post.. finally.. after dunno how many donkey years.. ha.

i guess i probably gotta blog proper this time since it's the 100th one. hmmm.. lots to blog here actually. so long nv scribble here le. Saddening stuff.. happy stuff.. worrying stuff.. new stuff.. happy stuff... dun think they'll ever fit in 1 blog.

well.. another friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago.. motocycle accident. known him from poly.. not exactly close but we do talk. Especially when he also signed on to the army like myself. this sadness feels funny, like it's not settling in well inside me. Read on the newspaper that his dad went crazy on the last day of the funeral. Only son.. :( when is it gonna be my turn?

Looked him up on friendster, saw lots of ppl leaving msgs online for him.. remembering their moments with him. i wanted to write something too.. then i realise i dun know him that well. but i'll always remember that smile when i always see him. good bye zhiwei.

okok.. career update.. i'm in 8sig now! yes yes.. i failed. failed to fight my way to be an instructor. sianz. but it seems my appoint isnt too bad either. but i cant tell you here what i do.. or i'll have to kill you.. haha. lamez. nvm.. i really cant say though.. but my guys are good... my csm and oc are good.. i dun mind doing anything. by the way.. all my 3sig buddies all coming over as well! haha. no longer bored le..ha.

For those taking exams now.. jiayou! be praying for you people. which reminds me.. pray for me too.. my exams this week and next. 2 papers only though.. haha. but still hope i have time to study on top of my schedule.

Rachael made my day today.. ha. went to the baby room as usual.. the kids were storming all over me! especially jacob and tabael! those 2!!! like monkeys! haha. then so happy to see jonathan finally willing to join the kids upstairs! hee. asked him if he enjoyed himself and he nodded his head with a big smile and mouth full of kway teoh! haha. so cute. but later jonathan sat on rachael's hand accidently.. then she ran to me crying showing me her hand. ha. love her so much! so i carried her to find mummy as she requested. but sadly.. she ditched me after she found jenny. haha.

so sad.. only look for me when it hurts.. haiz. at least she still looks for me. haha.

alright then.. my 100th blog entry. actually no big deal la.. haha. think i gotta go bath le.. goin back to camp soon.

ta ta.

from the motion picture STARDUST :
My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine

hello sinful man

hello sinful man,
what have God done to you to deserve your torment
you shout your love for Him on the altar,
you close your eyes in worship,
you fooled the world before their very eyes.

forgiveness you took for granted,
mercy and grace feels cheap,
you tell yourself it's fine to fall,
cos He'll never know when it's real or false.
silly you, sinful man
you know you've fallen in too deep.

you ought to be shot, to be strucked, towed out of the holy place
cause His name you're not worthy to praise.
stop this act, there's not credit to fool,
there's still time to make amends.

hello Holy God,
what have man done to deserve Your mercy?
Only You can pretend not to see,
how flawed these disgusting man can be.

Cover them with Your holy blood,
call them once again Your child.
I first thought 'Oh silly God!'
but it's me that hurt You most, i forgot.

so sorry Lord for my silly thoughts,
for the unworthy praise i raised to You.
this broken life i raise again
this empty glass i pray You fill.

Take this life and make it Yours
wash my past i want no more.
on the altar once again
Lord be with me, remove my shame.
on this altar once again,
Father, this time i truly want to praise Your name.

a little boy sat on the fine sandy beach.. only wearing a pair of shorts. his hands dirtied digging into the sand before him. The glorious white beach stretched from end to end.. beautiful... void.. empty.. but beautiful. Sun shining down at mid day.. its rays roasting the sand with all its glory. still.. the little boy sat there.. piling sand.

daddy sits a distance behind. watchful eyes never left him.. smiling to himself proud of his son. but he just sits there. watching his beloved son.

sand on sand, layer after layer. what seems like a mud pile slowly fed on the little boy's ambition and imagination. castle walls.. drawn bridge.. towers and tunnels. the little boy smiled to himself. On top of the world is he.

Mid day over.. the raging sun began to fall.. a film of yellow on everything he sees. the castle is almost complete.. magnificent and grand to his eyes. His dirty hands are tired.. eyes yawned teary. The tide is coming in. He knows.. it slowly creeps closer.. and closer.

Daddy knows too.. he knows all too well.. but he sits there. Smiling proud. watching his son.

The little boy sat before his creation.. he slowly understood inevitability. He sat staring as the waves sweep in and out. slowly consuming his castle till there's nothing left. He understood that it was never meant to be.

Now he stood staring at where he's castle once stood.. now all that's left is an empty space. he turned around and looked at his father. Daddy stood up in the setting sun with arms tucked to his side. still smiling. He knew his son learned something precious today that he couldn't learned any other way. The little boy stood up and ran to his father.. shook the sand off his feet and grabbed on to his hands.

It is time to go home. Home to somewhere firm and forever.

Blood Drive

almost didnt have to go back to work today. Cos the command post set up was once again delayed due to live firing in Temple Hill. but still.. i ordered 8 30m power extension drums to be delivered this morning cos i thought i would be goin back.. :( bad move.. now i had to wake up early in the morning to rush down to office and to wait for the delivery man to come so i can pass him the 500bucks. then wat? i havent got much to do back at work on a sat morning. bad move daniel.. sianz.

tried to make the best of today since i'm at work already.. zhaoyi was going to donate blood over at HSA in outram.. so i was thinkin i hitch a ride over there and shunbian make my first donation of blood! ha.

i try 2 times to make a blood donation when i was still in jc. Failed to do so cos once i was just having flu 2 days before. so they rejected me.. the next time they rejected me was because the queue was too long and they were closing soon. asked me to come back and queue again after i queued for 2 long hrs!!! well..

This time round.. it was pretty smooth.. except for the fact that i forgotten to bring along my 11b! good thing they acknowledged my drivin license as well. the was no queue.. jus a questionnaire to fill asking if i had sex in all sorts of combinations in the last 12 months. haha. just ticked thru and there i was sitting on the comfy chair in the donation room with a sticker on my chest which reads :"Be Nice To Me. This Is My First Donation". ha.

i'm surprised that they even gave me local anesthesia before the big tube was inserted into my skin. ha. was actually expecting some pain but i didnt even know the tube was already inserted when i looked away! haha. when the nurse wasnt looking... i gave myself a pinch to see if the anesthesia really worked.. hmmm.. really no pain. So i just continue to squeeze the blood pack shaped stress ball in my palm, hoping my blood could fill the bag faster.

took only around 5mins or less to fill the bag.. then this Filipino medical worker came over to retrieve the bag. i asked her if i could give another bag since it took so little time and i'm still feeling ok. too bad.. she refused me.. one person one bag she says.. but i so vividly remembered that my friend gave 2 bags when the blood drive came to sch. but then again.. that was quite some time ago.. they could have changed the policy le..

anyway.. they wrapped up the spot when they injected me with a bandage. At first they were looking in the drawer next to me and they ran out of coloured bandages that dun look too sissy. but they were only left with the pink one. the medical worker held up the pink bandage in his hand and looked at me.. i looked him back shaking my head.. guess he caught my message. ha. i would rather let my hand bleed dry than to step out with that bright pink bandage on my arm!!! haha.

dun understand why dun they just simply use white bandages instead. He searched around and found a purple one.. better than nothing i suppose. i'm wearing long sleeves anyway.. just gonna cover it up with it. ha. later i realised that there is also another green bandage. the one that zhaoyi got. but it was even more ridiculous cos the green bandage had drawings of dinosaurs on it! ha. i was having a good laugh at him.. good thing i didnt get the green one instead. :)

well well.. my first donation.. thats about it. I think i'll carry on to make regular donations after this. Anyone wanna join me please ask me along eh... my next donation is in dec! :) Well.. please be reminded that your blood will alway regenerate de.. you're losing nothing giving blood.. further more.. your giving life! the blood bank is always in need of new donors. so please give if you can. You get free refreshment too after the donation you know!(well.. thats not the point..but it true) haha.

Anywae.. received my results for my Effective Comms. Thank God i passed! hee.. my 8 pages of rubbish at least counted for something eh.. hee. saved me some time and money not to take that module.. thank you Jesus

my first timer sticker.. actually quite diu lian to wear this around. ha


purple bandage.. no dino.

sponge for me to squeeze while my blood is draining outta my body. ha. think it used to be a ball or a heart or something. Now they getting creative already. hee.

part1

what a long day.. what a long week.. cant remember when i started getting busy. just seems like i've been rushing from one thing to another since.. let me see.. sat? blink of an eye.. thursday is gone as well.. tml's the end of the week again. and so much has happened since.

jackson's wedding, Rev Tony, range, aaft and flunking it, temple hill deployment, paya leba air base trip, plasma galore, black hawk down, ice cream offer 2 for $1.80, new battery. where do i start?

Probably start by saying sorry to the birthday people this month that i've forgotten. Totally lost track of time. i just realise that today's the 4th already. So happy birthday to you know who u are. ha. Well.. i'm nv good at these birthdays thingie. another day.. another year.. may the good Lord bless you all. hee

went to jackson's solemnisation on sat afternoon. a simple affair. too simple maybe. nevertheless, as long as the two of them are committed, nothing is too fancy or too simple. it really is about them. But somehow i got involved as a camera man for his wedding. :(

cant believe he didnt engage a camera man to document this big day! the couple even arrived late for the solemnisation after msging us the night before not to be late! We were all there waiting.. i saw him coming. i stretched out my hand offering my congratulatory shake.. he hands out his palm as well. Our hands made contact. i say " Congrats" but i felt something cold in my hands. hmmm. next thing i heard,:" thanks daniel, can help me take a few photos later?"

he turned and shook the hands all sticking out to him in congratulations leaving a canon ixus digital camera in my hand.

the next thing i know, i'm his wedding photographer for the afternoon. haha.

i kept feelin that they kindda missed the point. Invited friends and signed a piece of paper that they hardly understand. I see formalities more than love. i see protocol more than affections. i'm sorry that i'm saying this. no offence, but that's how i feel. I still wish you well jackson. May God bless your marriage.

Weddings are funny events, especially when you've got friends like mine. Like a army gathering, all my buddies were there. We were laughing at everything and anything. laughed till we all had cramps. ha. it's been sometime. Old friends, old memories, same of affiliation. 1880 sync. ha. Guan Jie was even recalled back to neesoon camp for Silent Mob halfway thru the lunch reception. How unfortunate.. or we would hav hung out a little longer that afternoon already. :(

kindda late already.. still got lots to share.. but first.. gotta catch up on some sleep first. yawn. So to those studying hard now for exams, jiayou! For those who are enduring their work (i see hands raised!!ha)hang in there.. the week is ending soon. For those who are restless from everything else.. sleep early and rest well.. for those who are doing well.. please spread a little sunshine.

Be back tml.. astalavista

came back from cell group.. had a nice chat with liXia on th way home. We actually took the right bus but the wrong direction home. we ended up in AMK. instead of sengKang. we were so engrossed talkin that we didnt realise at all. hah. So we decided to take a cab back home instead.

Cell was over at jy's place..familar places.. familar faces... kind of like it used to be.. just a smaller group. Really refreshing though. kind of made me missed the good times we had. Thinking of what was broken that needed to be fixed. That if i was something people were trying to fix.. that if i was letting friends and family worry about me.. thinking about old friends.. thinking about new friends.. thinking about money and how overrated it is.. thinking about the beauty of things around me and the things i've missed out in life.. things that i said in the past... things i didnt say.. thinking about the people i havent met.. thinking about cheese cake and a good cuppa coffee.. the things that i wanna try cooking.. the things that i want to try.. about my diving trip.. deep sea fishing...

thinking why am i thinking so much.. nvm me..

i'm hungry.. how am i gonna pass this lonely night without food, beer and company. ha. how else.. just sleep it off i guess. like i always do. Good thing i've got Lisa Ono with me tonight. thanks Lisa.

*i feel nice like sugar and spice! so nice so nice i got you! *