relationships of all kinds breaking down everywhere.. so fragile.
between lovers.. families.. friends.. nothing is really forever.
scary how people change.. how people forgets their commitments and the things they said before.. scarier how people belittle the consequences for unworthy causes.
even marraige meant so much less nowadays. the band and binds 2 lives together? seems like it's only binding when they're in love. so much for "for better or for worst.."
someone told me to find the right person.. but i guess you can only ever find the right person for tat particular moment.. will i ever know if that person is really the right one for me for life? what if some time down the road.. that "right" person dun feel so right anymore?
guess you'll never really know.
People say change is the only constant.. i say You Lord.. You stay the same.. faithful as always.
Put God in the center of every relationship.. may it stay the same too. thats all i can say.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
i saw passion die
shook myself awake.. almost fell off the couch i was sleepin on. still grabbing on the the green cushion.. still wrapped in my blanket with the funny odur. i realised i was panting.. my eyes puffy and swollen as if i've spent the night crying.
Must be a bad dream.. flipping thru the recollections of my dreams last night.. only to find i wasnt too good at remembering dreams. But one thing i do remembered.. almost vivid.. i remember i saw passion died.. and i cried.
still on my couch.. not asleep anymore but i closed my eyes trying hard to remember wat made me cry so hard in my dreams. Then i saw his face.. Mr Cher.
Mr Cher was my primary school teacher.. he taught me science and english. He was one of my favourite teacher and i always enjoy his lesson and excursions. His hair looked like a wig to me.. but then again.. who would put on a greying wig. remembered how he'll always pull the hair on my sideburns when i "forget" to hand in my homework once... and again.. and again. ha.
To the primary school Me.. he was jus a nice teacher.. treating us to little treats and movies when he could. but when i looked back.. there was something different about him. His dedication to his job and his passion to teach and mould lifes thru unconventional methods really impresses me.
kindda think of it.. it's been so many years already.. i havent seen him in at least the past 5 to 6 years.
in my dreams.. i was jus walking along a crowded street with a chatty friend. that friend kept talking to me about something.. dun remember.. wasnt interested. once in a while i'll look in his direction, smile and knod my head if case he found out i wasnt listening.
i kept looking forward.. from afar.. i saw a familar face.. thats him.. Mr Cher. Dun know why.. a rush of warm air just flowed thru my heart.. the kind of feeling that u get when u saw an old friend. He didnt see me. i walked over.. intently decided to say hello.
finally when i was approaching him.. pushing thru the crowds.. he saw me. he was at first smiling and talkin to his friend. but when he saw me.. that smile jus eroded. He looked stern into my face.. i know he still recognises me. holding a ciragrette between his fingers..the stern look started to fade. there i was standing.. i didnt know how to react.. he didnt seem like the Mr Cher i remembered. His eyes look down.. as if ashamed of himself.. i didnt dared to get any closer.
i'm not sure if he's still a teacher.. dun know wat he's done to feel this way.. but he's totally a different person from i've known. i saw that passion in him die before my eyes. i jus stood there. watch it die.
my eyes went blury with tears fillin it up. He looked like an empty shell to me now. i couldnt take it anymore..i turned and walked fast.. didnt want to run.. dun wan to seem like it mattered.. trying to hold back my tears.. fearing ppl would be looking at me. but more importantly.. he didnt catch up.. he didnt even try. i cried even harder.
shook myself awake.. almost fell off the couch i was sleepin on. still grabbing on the the green cushion.. still wrapped in my blanket with the funny odur. i realised i was panting.. my eyes puffy and swollen as if i've spent the night crying.
wonder how he's doin now. wonder why i had this dream.. i never want to see passion die again.. not even mine.
Must be a bad dream.. flipping thru the recollections of my dreams last night.. only to find i wasnt too good at remembering dreams. But one thing i do remembered.. almost vivid.. i remember i saw passion died.. and i cried.
still on my couch.. not asleep anymore but i closed my eyes trying hard to remember wat made me cry so hard in my dreams. Then i saw his face.. Mr Cher.
Mr Cher was my primary school teacher.. he taught me science and english. He was one of my favourite teacher and i always enjoy his lesson and excursions. His hair looked like a wig to me.. but then again.. who would put on a greying wig. remembered how he'll always pull the hair on my sideburns when i "forget" to hand in my homework once... and again.. and again. ha.
To the primary school Me.. he was jus a nice teacher.. treating us to little treats and movies when he could. but when i looked back.. there was something different about him. His dedication to his job and his passion to teach and mould lifes thru unconventional methods really impresses me.
kindda think of it.. it's been so many years already.. i havent seen him in at least the past 5 to 6 years.
in my dreams.. i was jus walking along a crowded street with a chatty friend. that friend kept talking to me about something.. dun remember.. wasnt interested. once in a while i'll look in his direction, smile and knod my head if case he found out i wasnt listening.
i kept looking forward.. from afar.. i saw a familar face.. thats him.. Mr Cher. Dun know why.. a rush of warm air just flowed thru my heart.. the kind of feeling that u get when u saw an old friend. He didnt see me. i walked over.. intently decided to say hello.
finally when i was approaching him.. pushing thru the crowds.. he saw me. he was at first smiling and talkin to his friend. but when he saw me.. that smile jus eroded. He looked stern into my face.. i know he still recognises me. holding a ciragrette between his fingers..the stern look started to fade. there i was standing.. i didnt know how to react.. he didnt seem like the Mr Cher i remembered. His eyes look down.. as if ashamed of himself.. i didnt dared to get any closer.
i'm not sure if he's still a teacher.. dun know wat he's done to feel this way.. but he's totally a different person from i've known. i saw that passion in him die before my eyes. i jus stood there. watch it die.
my eyes went blury with tears fillin it up. He looked like an empty shell to me now. i couldnt take it anymore..i turned and walked fast.. didnt want to run.. dun wan to seem like it mattered.. trying to hold back my tears.. fearing ppl would be looking at me. but more importantly.. he didnt catch up.. he didnt even try. i cried even harder.
shook myself awake.. almost fell off the couch i was sleepin on. still grabbing on the the green cushion.. still wrapped in my blanket with the funny odur. i realised i was panting.. my eyes puffy and swollen as if i've spent the night crying.
wonder how he's doin now. wonder why i had this dream.. i never want to see passion die again.. not even mine.
Friday, March 02, 2007
just thinking
sometimes i sit around thinking... thinking about u.. thinking if u were sitting around thinking about me. Not sure if you did.. even if you did.. you'd probably be thinking in a different context.
does it matter?
honestly, it does to me... but then again... i'm jus thinking.
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