If you found someone you love,
and find her love in return,
tell her.
Tell her often.
Mean it always.
i envy you
and find her love in return,
tell her.
Tell her often.
Mean it always.
i envy you
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thoughts from Fort Canning
i'm on off today..took a walk up Fort Canning Hill. Sitting around on a bench, reading news on my laptop. ha. Act classy eh. actually i tired of walking le.. so taking a break here.
hardly worked much this month. clearing all my accumulated off days and leaves all in this month. so going back to office only for 6 days this whole month. :)
told a lot of people that i really had(or rather still having) a good break this time. got a lot of decisions done. gave much time to myself. Something i had always wanted to do. But i could never imagine how far away from God, how detached i am from my dreams, how easily i've forgotten the things i really want to do, how blind i was from the people i love, until i had this time to slow down and think. And i thank God that this break came in handy at the right time.
decided to change my course of studies from Marketing to Communications. Spent a long time thinking about it. Some people think that i'm just being daniel, just couldn't stick it through. 5 mins interest, i'm at it again. I, too, doubt whether there is some truth in it. That maybe i'm giving myself excuses again every time i meet with a challenge.
I can't blame them for thinking so. I really have nothing to show so far and i really did quit a lot of things before. but am i still like tat? i hope not. i would really hate myself if i am. But it is really scary sometimes, especially when everyday draws near to the day where i have to deliver what i say.
For those who knows me, you probably know i have big dreams and visions, big ambitions and hopefully a small ego. But I do think that i'm built different and that God had given me clear insights on the things i want to engage in. He made me outrageously optimistic, positively pragmatic, addicted to emotional experience and easily excited by the promise of potential and HOPE! Thats me, that's daniel.
But in less than 2 years i will have to deliver a promise that i've spoken for years. Not that anyone is watching if i really could make it, but i think i've cornered myself into a corner where i am gonna meet who daniel really is, If daniel could really walk the talk, if i really am that procrastinating day dreaming idiot, if daniel could really stick it through on the things that matters.
2 more years.I'm really confident this time round, but i can't say that i'm not afraid. But it's about time i guess. Watch me..watch out for me.. pray for me.. pray that i don't lose myself chasing this world.
yep.. thats it. hmmm.. the sound of crickets. so hypnotizing. long walk down the fort. Yawn.. i wonder whats for lunch? :)
hardly worked much this month. clearing all my accumulated off days and leaves all in this month. so going back to office only for 6 days this whole month. :)
told a lot of people that i really had(or rather still having) a good break this time. got a lot of decisions done. gave much time to myself. Something i had always wanted to do. But i could never imagine how far away from God, how detached i am from my dreams, how easily i've forgotten the things i really want to do, how blind i was from the people i love, until i had this time to slow down and think. And i thank God that this break came in handy at the right time.
decided to change my course of studies from Marketing to Communications. Spent a long time thinking about it. Some people think that i'm just being daniel, just couldn't stick it through. 5 mins interest, i'm at it again. I, too, doubt whether there is some truth in it. That maybe i'm giving myself excuses again every time i meet with a challenge.
I can't blame them for thinking so. I really have nothing to show so far and i really did quit a lot of things before. but am i still like tat? i hope not. i would really hate myself if i am. But it is really scary sometimes, especially when everyday draws near to the day where i have to deliver what i say.
For those who knows me, you probably know i have big dreams and visions, big ambitions and hopefully a small ego. But I do think that i'm built different and that God had given me clear insights on the things i want to engage in. He made me outrageously optimistic, positively pragmatic, addicted to emotional experience and easily excited by the promise of potential and HOPE! Thats me, that's daniel.
But in less than 2 years i will have to deliver a promise that i've spoken for years. Not that anyone is watching if i really could make it, but i think i've cornered myself into a corner where i am gonna meet who daniel really is, If daniel could really walk the talk, if i really am that procrastinating day dreaming idiot, if daniel could really stick it through on the things that matters.
2 more years.I'm really confident this time round, but i can't say that i'm not afraid. But it's about time i guess. Watch me..watch out for me.. pray for me.. pray that i don't lose myself chasing this world.
yep.. thats it. hmmm.. the sound of crickets. so hypnotizing. long walk down the fort. Yawn.. i wonder whats for lunch? :)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Barrack Obama - President of the United States
Obama is in the House!
Oh how exhilarating is his politics. How i wish we had an inspirational leader like him in Singapore.
Now get to work! :)
Oh how exhilarating is his politics. How i wish we had an inspirational leader like him in Singapore.
Now get to work! :)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Jesus, take the wheel
my brother shared with me about believing in God and having faith in God.
he told me a story about a famous tight rope artist who was world renowned. This artist traveled far and wide, looking for new challenges and scaling new heights in his trade. So it came to a point where he thought he needed a a defining moment.
He decided to stage a show. The scale of the show was like none he had ever done before. He was to walk a tight rope from a sky scraper to another, high up in the sky. On the day of the act, he had a huge following of people gathering to witness this feat. Before that, he thought he wanted to stir the crowd a little. The crowd loved him. Lots of them admired him for his guts and skillfulness. Little had doubt that this new feat would be of any difficulty for him.
He addressed the cheering crowd saying, "My fans! do you believe that i can do this?" The cheering crowd clapped their hands and whistled, some shouting "Of course! Of course!"
Feeling like a million dollars seeing the support that he is getting, he decided to ask once again, "My dear fans! Who among you do not have a doubt that this is chicken feat for me?" The crowd went wild, cheering even louder, clapping and whistling. They all seemed to really believe in him.
The artist liked it. Feeling his ego swelling with the support, he decided to ask one last time before he steps up on the rope, "My dear fans, if you believe i can do this without breaking a sweat, cheer for me like there's no tomorrow!" The crowd responded, cheering louder than before. Clapping and stomping their foot! In fact, looking at the artist's past records, there is no reason to doubt him at all.
Suddenly, the artist fueled by the response ask a different question, "My dear fans! If you believe me, will one of you volunteer and i will carry you on my back and walk this rope!"
The crowd went dead. Suddenly there was no more cheering and stomping. Everyone looked around, thinking who would be brave enough to do so. Turns out, none of them dared.
The artist was utterly disappointed.
Finally, a little boy walked out of the crowd and volunteered. The crowd was impressed by the guts of this little boy.
The grateful artist took the boy on his shoulders and finished walking on the tight rope. The crowd cheered! For both the artist and the boy. Even though the act had been completed, he felt unsatisfied. The crowd was curious who this gutsy little boy was. Turns out, the boy is the artist's very own son.
When the artist took his bow from the crowd, he held him in his arms and thanked his son, for his was the only one who really had faith in him.
Thinking about it, we all seem to be like the crowd. We all believe in God and recognise what He is capable of. But how many times do we flee from walking with God in our lives. Depending on Him and allowing Him to take us on His powerful shoulders.
This is simply the absence of faith. We believe God can do it, but we seriously doubt that God can do it with you. We're afraid of the "what ifs" that we forgotten that there is no "what ifs" with God. Because of this, we stand outside greatness. We chose not to partake in God's miracles and providence in our lives.
I've heard of people telling me, "why are there so many people with testimonies of great and wonderful things that God is doing in their lives, but there is none that i can boast of?" I say to them, those are the people who let Jesus take the wheel in their lives.
There is a clear distinction between believing in God and having faith in Him. Believing in Him means to understand that He is God and that there's nothing he cannot do. Having faith in Him is allowing Him to impose His will and plans in your life. An act that compliments your believe.
It is very relational. Like that little boy, he not only believe his daddy could do it, but he trust him enough to know that his daddy could take him through it. Let us look at our relationship with our Father in heaven. Have it been the same case like the crowd? How many times, we rather believe in ourselves than to trust in God, relying on our own wisdom than His.
May we remind ourselves daily to lift our lives to God, giving Him the driving seat in our lives. Demonstrating true faith in our Father, who can and will carry us through it all.
he told me a story about a famous tight rope artist who was world renowned. This artist traveled far and wide, looking for new challenges and scaling new heights in his trade. So it came to a point where he thought he needed a a defining moment.
He decided to stage a show. The scale of the show was like none he had ever done before. He was to walk a tight rope from a sky scraper to another, high up in the sky. On the day of the act, he had a huge following of people gathering to witness this feat. Before that, he thought he wanted to stir the crowd a little. The crowd loved him. Lots of them admired him for his guts and skillfulness. Little had doubt that this new feat would be of any difficulty for him.
He addressed the cheering crowd saying, "My fans! do you believe that i can do this?" The cheering crowd clapped their hands and whistled, some shouting "Of course! Of course!"
Feeling like a million dollars seeing the support that he is getting, he decided to ask once again, "My dear fans! Who among you do not have a doubt that this is chicken feat for me?" The crowd went wild, cheering even louder, clapping and whistling. They all seemed to really believe in him.
The artist liked it. Feeling his ego swelling with the support, he decided to ask one last time before he steps up on the rope, "My dear fans, if you believe i can do this without breaking a sweat, cheer for me like there's no tomorrow!" The crowd responded, cheering louder than before. Clapping and stomping their foot! In fact, looking at the artist's past records, there is no reason to doubt him at all.
Suddenly, the artist fueled by the response ask a different question, "My dear fans! If you believe me, will one of you volunteer and i will carry you on my back and walk this rope!"
The crowd went dead. Suddenly there was no more cheering and stomping. Everyone looked around, thinking who would be brave enough to do so. Turns out, none of them dared.
The artist was utterly disappointed.
Finally, a little boy walked out of the crowd and volunteered. The crowd was impressed by the guts of this little boy.
The grateful artist took the boy on his shoulders and finished walking on the tight rope. The crowd cheered! For both the artist and the boy. Even though the act had been completed, he felt unsatisfied. The crowd was curious who this gutsy little boy was. Turns out, the boy is the artist's very own son.
When the artist took his bow from the crowd, he held him in his arms and thanked his son, for his was the only one who really had faith in him.
Thinking about it, we all seem to be like the crowd. We all believe in God and recognise what He is capable of. But how many times do we flee from walking with God in our lives. Depending on Him and allowing Him to take us on His powerful shoulders.
This is simply the absence of faith. We believe God can do it, but we seriously doubt that God can do it with you. We're afraid of the "what ifs" that we forgotten that there is no "what ifs" with God. Because of this, we stand outside greatness. We chose not to partake in God's miracles and providence in our lives.
I've heard of people telling me, "why are there so many people with testimonies of great and wonderful things that God is doing in their lives, but there is none that i can boast of?" I say to them, those are the people who let Jesus take the wheel in their lives.
There is a clear distinction between believing in God and having faith in Him. Believing in Him means to understand that He is God and that there's nothing he cannot do. Having faith in Him is allowing Him to impose His will and plans in your life. An act that compliments your believe.
It is very relational. Like that little boy, he not only believe his daddy could do it, but he trust him enough to know that his daddy could take him through it. Let us look at our relationship with our Father in heaven. Have it been the same case like the crowd? How many times, we rather believe in ourselves than to trust in God, relying on our own wisdom than His.
May we remind ourselves daily to lift our lives to God, giving Him the driving seat in our lives. Demonstrating true faith in our Father, who can and will carry us through it all.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Bungee in Phuket
"Live from Phuket"
here i am.. sitting in my hotel's internet room in Phuket, hiding from the rain.
well.. it's not all bad actually. Finally have some time for myself.. read up on local news on channelnewsasia.com, sipping coffee.
that's more like a holiday.
Phuket wasn't exactly too fantastic for me.. maybe if it was a shorter trip it'll be much better. But Jeremy's all over to experience the Island through and through. Well well.. i'll try my best accommodating his itinerary then.
I'm all burnt up now.. but i know why!! ha. cos a certain friend once told me that i could never get a proper tan because of the brown pigments in my skin is lacking. How true.. the cycle always goes red--> burnt--> pain--> peel--> white. i'm in the pain and peel state now. haha.
well well.. just a short review on what i did over here.. parasailing.. jet skiing .. set fireworks!(i was impressed! imagine that! ha) and the most memorable one is BUNGEE JUMPING!! ha.
Yep yep.. was driving to this jungle bungee place operated by an ang mo. Unshaven.. long curly hair. Friendly though. Reached just in time to see a couple jump together.
Oh boy.. never would i have imagined that it was that high. Read on the brochure that it was 50m high.. well.. 50m "sound" pretty low to me. Seeing it was a different thing all together!
Heights to me is like chili. I feel the full torment of the "hotness" as of someone who don't enjoy it. but the difference is that i kindda like that feeling. ha. So chili is both a wonderful and terrible thing for me. sounds weird eh. ha.
so i'm not afraid to say that heights has always been a problem for me.. but yet.. there's a sense of excitement and ecstasy when you're in the presence of heights. So there i was.. signed up for the big jump. kept telling it was nothing.. just go up and jump. How hard could that be.
So i was all tied up onto the bungee rope.. sitting on the rising platform on the flimsy crane. (They assured me that they haven't had an accident since their opening in 1991. they better not have their first today. Then again.. looking at the nature of the activity.. jumping from great heights into water.. wat else could have happened?)
when i finally reached the top of the crane, i was suprised how calm i was. heart not beating too fast.. no sweaty palms. The jump master wasn't too friendly though. all he said was " i count 1,2,3 then you jump. Understand?" i nodded. That was simple. 1,2,3 and i jump. how hard can it be.
With my legs all tied up.. i hop to the edge of the platform. What a wonderful sight! the mountains.. the lake below.. the birds in the sky! If only i was up here for coffee instead of having to jump. I try to numb myself from the fear.. kept telling myself that it was nothing again and again. it worked. i wasn't really afraid even at the verge of the platform. then i heard the inevitable.
"1, 2, 3!!!" Like a well trained soldier, i jumped.
suddenly i couldn't touch the ground.. the falling sensation shot right to my spine.. all the fear that i thought i didn't have rushed in all at once. for 2 whole second i thought i was gonna die for sure! the feeling was was terrible.. but like chili. ha. wonderful as well. Scared the shit out of me! ha.(not literally though)
the next thing i know i could almost touch the water surface! then up i go again! bouncing on a rubber band. Every rebound was as exciting. short lived.. but worth it.
Was in a fix whether i wanted to jump for the second time. ha. Part of me know that having gone through the first.. i know exactly what to expect and i still don't know how anyone could have prepared for it any better ever for the second time. but another part of me is dying to try again! ha. especially when they charge half price for the second jump!
well well.. it was still pretty ex though. will try again somewhere else when i'm feeling rich then.
Bungee definitely not for the weak hearted. But definitely an experience i'll never forget.
Dinner time. Check back when i can. Ciaoz.
here i am.. sitting in my hotel's internet room in Phuket, hiding from the rain.
well.. it's not all bad actually. Finally have some time for myself.. read up on local news on channelnewsasia.com, sipping coffee.
that's more like a holiday.
Phuket wasn't exactly too fantastic for me.. maybe if it was a shorter trip it'll be much better. But Jeremy's all over to experience the Island through and through. Well well.. i'll try my best accommodating his itinerary then.
I'm all burnt up now.. but i know why!! ha. cos a certain friend once told me that i could never get a proper tan because of the brown pigments in my skin is lacking. How true.. the cycle always goes red--> burnt--> pain--> peel--> white. i'm in the pain and peel state now. haha.
well well.. just a short review on what i did over here.. parasailing.. jet skiing .. set fireworks!(i was impressed! imagine that! ha) and the most memorable one is BUNGEE JUMPING!! ha.
Yep yep.. was driving to this jungle bungee place operated by an ang mo. Unshaven.. long curly hair. Friendly though. Reached just in time to see a couple jump together.
Oh boy.. never would i have imagined that it was that high. Read on the brochure that it was 50m high.. well.. 50m "sound" pretty low to me. Seeing it was a different thing all together!
Heights to me is like chili. I feel the full torment of the "hotness" as of someone who don't enjoy it. but the difference is that i kindda like that feeling. ha. So chili is both a wonderful and terrible thing for me. sounds weird eh. ha.
so i'm not afraid to say that heights has always been a problem for me.. but yet.. there's a sense of excitement and ecstasy when you're in the presence of heights. So there i was.. signed up for the big jump. kept telling it was nothing.. just go up and jump. How hard could that be.
So i was all tied up onto the bungee rope.. sitting on the rising platform on the flimsy crane. (They assured me that they haven't had an accident since their opening in 1991. they better not have their first today. Then again.. looking at the nature of the activity.. jumping from great heights into water.. wat else could have happened?)
when i finally reached the top of the crane, i was suprised how calm i was. heart not beating too fast.. no sweaty palms. The jump master wasn't too friendly though. all he said was " i count 1,2,3 then you jump. Understand?" i nodded. That was simple. 1,2,3 and i jump. how hard can it be.
With my legs all tied up.. i hop to the edge of the platform. What a wonderful sight! the mountains.. the lake below.. the birds in the sky! If only i was up here for coffee instead of having to jump. I try to numb myself from the fear.. kept telling myself that it was nothing again and again. it worked. i wasn't really afraid even at the verge of the platform. then i heard the inevitable.
"1, 2, 3!!!" Like a well trained soldier, i jumped.
suddenly i couldn't touch the ground.. the falling sensation shot right to my spine.. all the fear that i thought i didn't have rushed in all at once. for 2 whole second i thought i was gonna die for sure! the feeling was was terrible.. but like chili. ha. wonderful as well. Scared the shit out of me! ha.(not literally though)
the next thing i know i could almost touch the water surface! then up i go again! bouncing on a rubber band. Every rebound was as exciting. short lived.. but worth it.
Was in a fix whether i wanted to jump for the second time. ha. Part of me know that having gone through the first.. i know exactly what to expect and i still don't know how anyone could have prepared for it any better ever for the second time. but another part of me is dying to try again! ha. especially when they charge half price for the second jump!
well well.. it was still pretty ex though. will try again somewhere else when i'm feeling rich then.
Bungee definitely not for the weak hearted. But definitely an experience i'll never forget.
Dinner time. Check back when i can. Ciaoz.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Lost and Found
Lost and found.. lost and found.
i was lost, now am found? well.. that's true.. but that's not the only good news!
Thought i lost my keychains!! was feeling really down for a few days because of that. WHY!!! WHY SO CARELESS! haha.. looked high and low. then just when i resigned to the fact that it was lost.. i found it!ha.
found it in a small pocket in one of my bags.. then suddenly it hit me how stupid i was. i remembered going out with that bag and i was in a pants without pockets. i was afraid i'd lose my keys so i kept it in the side pocket and clipped it close if case it falls out.
stupid me. looking high and low. glad it's back.
then good news comes in pairs. found my beloved notebook(not the electronic one.. paper notebook)!!! haha. thought someone stole it in camp. damn angry when i couldn't find it. i pactically searched all the offices of my battalion!! but still can't find.
Got lots of stuff stashed in the book cos i always doodle my ideas and stuff in it. and i hardly remember all the stupid ideas i've got. love the notebook too. bought it from my fav shop..MuJI!!!! ha.so it's not cheap also.
well.. the book suddenly appeared at home too. silly me. wasted time searching.. wasted time being angry at myself for misplacing them.
then again.. i'm happy now! :)
i was lost, now am found? well.. that's true.. but that's not the only good news!
Thought i lost my keychains!! was feeling really down for a few days because of that. WHY!!! WHY SO CARELESS! haha.. looked high and low. then just when i resigned to the fact that it was lost.. i found it!ha.
found it in a small pocket in one of my bags.. then suddenly it hit me how stupid i was. i remembered going out with that bag and i was in a pants without pockets. i was afraid i'd lose my keys so i kept it in the side pocket and clipped it close if case it falls out.
stupid me. looking high and low. glad it's back.
then good news comes in pairs. found my beloved notebook(not the electronic one.. paper notebook)!!! haha. thought someone stole it in camp. damn angry when i couldn't find it. i pactically searched all the offices of my battalion!! but still can't find.
Got lots of stuff stashed in the book cos i always doodle my ideas and stuff in it. and i hardly remember all the stupid ideas i've got. love the notebook too. bought it from my fav shop..MuJI!!!! ha.so it's not cheap also.
well.. the book suddenly appeared at home too. silly me. wasted time searching.. wasted time being angry at myself for misplacing them.
then again.. i'm happy now! :)
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Guilty as charged
it's true. Making friends is easy. Staying as friends is the hard part. I know some of you are disagreeing with me already. But the kind of friendship i'm referring to here are meaningful relationships. I don't know about you, but it is a hard lesson to learn for me.
I read somewhere that our capacity to maintain meaningful relationships have actually been a research topic, where the findings seemed to indicate that the we humans can only have on average of 6 meaningful relationships at any one time.
To simplify things, ask yourself, how many best/really good friends do you have? People you constantly care about. Some friends are "better" friends than others.. we're talking about the "better" ones. I think i fit into the average of 6. Especially now.
Yes yes.. i hear it again. You're not like that. We do try to kid ourselves sometimes. Good friends we can have aplenty. Care, i could give to many. But how many of them truly means the world to you. How many of them reciprocate that feeling. Ok.. maybe reciprocating is another issue, but it does not make a differences with our capacity.
All this translates our capacity to love. Sometime what we see as "love" is really limited. Drawing a border around it. Our willingness to love the beautiful, the complete. Sometimes we chose to love the people we can, or rather to chose to love the part of them that we can accept. Even in churches, a lot of people are doing it wrong. Having good intentions to love, but loving with their limited capacity.
I am guilty as charged. I told myself that it is just too tiring making new friends and making new friends really good friends. I already got enough friends to trouble me with maintenance, trying to keep those existing friendship from breaking up. (and a lot of them are already broken) Why would i in my right mind want to increase my problems?
Then again, like general revelations, my conscience is begging me to differ. Knowing well that this is the only real reason people don't stay in church. Because there is no meaningful relationship being built. Not before long.. the steam will run out. Christianity turns into a fad.
Meaningful relations in church stretches high and wide like the cross. First of all, a meaningful relation with our Father in heaven, through knowing Him and loving Him and feeling His love for us in return. Next, a meaningful relation with our brothers and sisters, through truly knowing them and loving them, and being loved in return. If i have not had these meaningful relationships, i think i will be gone as well.
But what about our limited capacity like i said before? Are we destined to love in small groups? How are we to overcome our incapacity? What about my no. 7 friend?
The answer is simple. We simply are drawing love from the wrong well. Loving with the love of Christ. Not with our own. Simply drawing from a never ending source, an all powerful love. We'll realise that there is no end or limit to how we love, who we love or why we love. We love because He first loved us. He did not see us for who we are, cos if He did, i definitely would not have found favor with Him.
A lesson that for sure i'll take my lifetime to learn. A lesson that is worth a lifetime as well.
May we learn to love out of our comfort, love more than the lovable people, love more than then beautiful one we see and even love those who hurt us before. For if God saw us for these, He wouldn't take a second look. More importantly, may we learn to lean on His love, for God is love and i love you because He loves you too.
I read somewhere that our capacity to maintain meaningful relationships have actually been a research topic, where the findings seemed to indicate that the we humans can only have on average of 6 meaningful relationships at any one time.
To simplify things, ask yourself, how many best/really good friends do you have? People you constantly care about. Some friends are "better" friends than others.. we're talking about the "better" ones. I think i fit into the average of 6. Especially now.
Yes yes.. i hear it again. You're not like that. We do try to kid ourselves sometimes. Good friends we can have aplenty. Care, i could give to many. But how many of them truly means the world to you. How many of them reciprocate that feeling. Ok.. maybe reciprocating is another issue, but it does not make a differences with our capacity.
All this translates our capacity to love. Sometime what we see as "love" is really limited. Drawing a border around it. Our willingness to love the beautiful, the complete. Sometimes we chose to love the people we can, or rather to chose to love the part of them that we can accept. Even in churches, a lot of people are doing it wrong. Having good intentions to love, but loving with their limited capacity.
I am guilty as charged. I told myself that it is just too tiring making new friends and making new friends really good friends. I already got enough friends to trouble me with maintenance, trying to keep those existing friendship from breaking up. (and a lot of them are already broken) Why would i in my right mind want to increase my problems?
Then again, like general revelations, my conscience is begging me to differ. Knowing well that this is the only real reason people don't stay in church. Because there is no meaningful relationship being built. Not before long.. the steam will run out. Christianity turns into a fad.
Meaningful relations in church stretches high and wide like the cross. First of all, a meaningful relation with our Father in heaven, through knowing Him and loving Him and feeling His love for us in return. Next, a meaningful relation with our brothers and sisters, through truly knowing them and loving them, and being loved in return. If i have not had these meaningful relationships, i think i will be gone as well.
But what about our limited capacity like i said before? Are we destined to love in small groups? How are we to overcome our incapacity? What about my no. 7 friend?
The answer is simple. We simply are drawing love from the wrong well. Loving with the love of Christ. Not with our own. Simply drawing from a never ending source, an all powerful love. We'll realise that there is no end or limit to how we love, who we love or why we love. We love because He first loved us. He did not see us for who we are, cos if He did, i definitely would not have found favor with Him.
A lesson that for sure i'll take my lifetime to learn. A lesson that is worth a lifetime as well.
May we learn to love out of our comfort, love more than the lovable people, love more than then beautiful one we see and even love those who hurt us before. For if God saw us for these, He wouldn't take a second look. More importantly, may we learn to lean on His love, for God is love and i love you because He loves you too.
Friday, September 26, 2008
I'm feeling lost today.
End of my busy period.. finally. Took some day offs to spend some time to catch up with life. Bad move. i didn't know what to do with all the time i had.
downloaded serials.. but always empty after finishing. chasing after another. meaningless.
walked around.. took the bus around.. even the train too. traveled half of Singapore looking for things to do.. only to tire myself further. Went all the way to town to try a shirt i remember i saw months ago.. only to find i hate that shirt and went on my way out of town again.
I'm lost.. like really lost. the worst thing is I'm too afraid to ask for directions. Afraid of being around with people i know. Thinking of asking people out for a chat.. a drink.. a walk.. a movie.. dinner maybe? Isn't this what people do? but i couldn't do it. It suddenly occurred to me i really didn't know how.
I always pride myself for my ease to network. To be able to hold a glass and walk the floor and strike a conversation with anyone if i wanted to. I am so naive. I am a bankrupt when it comes to social skills. i realise any real conversation i ever had were hardly initiated by me. I'm always scratching the surface, my scratch hardly deep enough to make an impression. i stutter before those i cannot fool.. i avoid those who could see me through.
no wonder I'm where i am. no wonder my relations hardly worked before. I have been building the latitude of my relations. but there was hardly any depth.. any altitude. Credit to my lack of social capacity.. my emotional deficiency and a whole lot of fear.
Don't want to talk to people about myself.. my plans or what i think even. But what do real people talk about? i wonder.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe real relations are supposed to be awkward feeling sometimes. i wouldn't know.
End of my busy period.. finally. Took some day offs to spend some time to catch up with life. Bad move. i didn't know what to do with all the time i had.
downloaded serials.. but always empty after finishing. chasing after another. meaningless.
walked around.. took the bus around.. even the train too. traveled half of Singapore looking for things to do.. only to tire myself further. Went all the way to town to try a shirt i remember i saw months ago.. only to find i hate that shirt and went on my way out of town again.
I'm lost.. like really lost. the worst thing is I'm too afraid to ask for directions. Afraid of being around with people i know. Thinking of asking people out for a chat.. a drink.. a walk.. a movie.. dinner maybe? Isn't this what people do? but i couldn't do it. It suddenly occurred to me i really didn't know how.
I always pride myself for my ease to network. To be able to hold a glass and walk the floor and strike a conversation with anyone if i wanted to. I am so naive. I am a bankrupt when it comes to social skills. i realise any real conversation i ever had were hardly initiated by me. I'm always scratching the surface, my scratch hardly deep enough to make an impression. i stutter before those i cannot fool.. i avoid those who could see me through.
no wonder I'm where i am. no wonder my relations hardly worked before. I have been building the latitude of my relations. but there was hardly any depth.. any altitude. Credit to my lack of social capacity.. my emotional deficiency and a whole lot of fear.
Don't want to talk to people about myself.. my plans or what i think even. But what do real people talk about? i wonder.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe real relations are supposed to be awkward feeling sometimes. i wouldn't know.
Friday, September 05, 2008
who am i kidding? I haven't been completely honest. Not with you.. not with God.. not even myself. Telling myself I've got it all together.. cleaned up my act.. on my way to something.. something meaningful. who exactly am i kidding?
I'm lost. Frustrated. I've no idea why I'm in this. My veil is so thin. My soul.. obviously shallow.
I couldn't answer the simplest of questions to defend my faith. I wouldn't stand a chance trying. One song would break me down. But still..i keep hearing myself trying to buff me for more than i truly am.
I've love to say i really hate Daniel.. but i don't. I know i shouldn't. But what would it take to wake me up? Isn't it easier for someone asleep to wake up than to wake someone who's trying to look like he's sleeping?
Hate how easy it is to forget. Why You have to make me so forgetful. Why make sin so forgettable.
Silly me. Who was i kidding? I wouldn't stand a chance.
I'm lost. Frustrated. I've no idea why I'm in this. My veil is so thin. My soul.. obviously shallow.
I couldn't answer the simplest of questions to defend my faith. I wouldn't stand a chance trying. One song would break me down. But still..i keep hearing myself trying to buff me for more than i truly am.
I've love to say i really hate Daniel.. but i don't. I know i shouldn't. But what would it take to wake me up? Isn't it easier for someone asleep to wake up than to wake someone who's trying to look like he's sleeping?
Hate how easy it is to forget. Why You have to make me so forgetful. Why make sin so forgettable.
Silly me. Who was i kidding? I wouldn't stand a chance.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Gone
the story's gone. Feels out of place here.
had to put it somewhere else.. with a title to the story now.
:)
had to put it somewhere else.. with a title to the story now.
:)
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Fireworks! :)
reading my own blog again.. laughing the whole way through.
Oh how mistaken i was about matters of the heart. How i totally misread all the signs. Embarrassing. -_-"
Read about what i was blogging on around this time last year. Matt called from Australia. Now he's almost back. It's interesting how things turned out to be. and how things didnt turn out to be. Everything in its time i guess.
and me? i'm still me. still waiting for things to happen. waiting for fireworks in my life.
will you watch with me? i heard you said ____ . :)
lalalalala... :)
Oh how mistaken i was about matters of the heart. How i totally misread all the signs. Embarrassing. -_-"
Read about what i was blogging on around this time last year. Matt called from Australia. Now he's almost back. It's interesting how things turned out to be. and how things didnt turn out to be. Everything in its time i guess.
and me? i'm still me. still waiting for things to happen. waiting for fireworks in my life.
will you watch with me? i heard you said ____ . :)
lalalalala... :)
Beijing Welcomes You!!!
Watched the Olympics Opening in Beijing.
Wow.. i'm impressed. Zhang Yi Mou is the MAN!!! Orchestrating this whole show.. it's a masterpiece!! a multimedia dream.. Fireworks like there's no budget.. truly like nothing on earth!
I'm impressed. i'm DAMN impressed la! ha. Suddenly i'm proud to be chinese again. ha.
Wow.. i'm impressed. Zhang Yi Mou is the MAN!!! Orchestrating this whole show.. it's a masterpiece!! a multimedia dream.. Fireworks like there's no budget.. truly like nothing on earth!
I'm impressed. i'm DAMN impressed la! ha. Suddenly i'm proud to be chinese again. ha.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Cut yourself and like it
i just remembered talking to a group of 6-7 year olds.. then we were talking about being emo. Thought they know nothing about being emo.. boy was i wrong.
I asked them what was emo all about.. and they gave me their shocking defination.
I was like ..."what?!? where the hell did you learn that???" all of them replied in unity:" Youtube!!!"
My Gosh!!! I'm never gonna let my kid watch youtube in the future!
I asked them what was emo all about.. and they gave me their shocking defination.
" to cut yourself and like it!"
I was like ..."what?!? where the hell did you learn that???" all of them replied in unity:" Youtube!!!"
My Gosh!!! I'm never gonna let my kid watch youtube in the future!
Friday, May 23, 2008
David Cook Is the new American Idol !!!
David Cook Is the new American Idol !!!
Yep.. you heard it right. Won by a margin of 12 million votes.. America has spoken.. David Cook Is the new American Idol !!!
ha.. don't be mistaken.. i'm not usually an AI fan, i happened to have watched a few episodes of AI after the final 12 and i'm really impressed with David Cook! His rendition of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean blew me away!
He's got substance.. he's got the look... he's got the attitude.. he's got the voice.. he IS the package! Haven't seen anyone quite his caliber on AI for quite sometime already. He deservingly won the competition. Then again.. i doubt he really needed to win to make it BIG. If i was a producer, i'd sign him anyway.
well.. hope he doesn't just fade into oblivion after the competition like so many AI winners before. May he do the male population proud and outdo Clay Aiken and maybe even Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson!
Ok.. i sound like some AI groupie now.. ha.
"This is American Idol.. i'm Ryan Seacrest. Out!"
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Singapore Freeze!!
Anyone heard about the Singapore Freeze? haha. Unknowingly.. lester and i participated in the first ever SG Freeze! ha.
Tot it was quite lame at first.. but then again.. hah. pretty fun actually.
For those who don't know what it is.. all we did was that at the certain designate time.. lots of people just suddenly freeze from what ever they are doing 5mins.. then unfreeze and move on after that. ha. the passer-by who didnt have a clue were shocked.. tot what happened. ha.
from what i heard from the participants.. the movement started in a Germany arts festival where the artist wanted the people to take time off from they daily busy walk to stop and observe still life. Frozen people.. doing pausing in the midst of us. Art they say.. ha.
well.. pretty fun though.. glad i was able to take part in such a lame movement. haha. no offense.. i do get the idea.. but it's still pretty lame. ha
here's a video i found on YouTube about the Singapore freeze. If you look really closely.. i appeared in the video for a split sec too. ha:
enjoy!
Tot it was quite lame at first.. but then again.. hah. pretty fun actually.
For those who don't know what it is.. all we did was that at the certain designate time.. lots of people just suddenly freeze from what ever they are doing 5mins.. then unfreeze and move on after that. ha. the passer-by who didnt have a clue were shocked.. tot what happened. ha.
from what i heard from the participants.. the movement started in a Germany arts festival where the artist wanted the people to take time off from they daily busy walk to stop and observe still life. Frozen people.. doing pausing in the midst of us. Art they say.. ha.
well.. pretty fun though.. glad i was able to take part in such a lame movement. haha. no offense.. i do get the idea.. but it's still pretty lame. ha
here's a video i found on YouTube about the Singapore freeze. If you look really closely.. i appeared in the video for a split sec too. ha:
enjoy!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Brudder!
Vikki called to this afternoon cos Issac learned to say "brother"! ha. Anyway.. Issac is vikki's 1 year plus old kid. super cute! been trying to teach him to call me brother instead of uncle. haha.
Yeah! Made my day! way to go brudder! :)
Yeah! Made my day! way to go brudder! :)
Contentment
lesson i learned today.. contentment. ha. when you lower your expectations.. the world seems a better place.
had my first paper today.. management. BUS101.. how appropriate. I gotta admit.. i haven't studied enough.. but last min revision was pretty helpful. Thank God!
I sat in the gigantic exam hall looking at the paper i smiled to myself.. it didnt look too bad.
i scribbled all the crap i have onto the papers and i managed to fill 11pages with it. ha. not too sure how much of it was relevant.. but then again.. at least there are 11pages of it. half of it right would have brought me thru anyway. ha.
i walked out of the exam hall a happy man.. but all i see was frustrated faces all around me. hmmm.. the paper wasnt that hard.. i wondered. So why the long faces?
realised they were sulking that they couldn't score. I was smiling that i wouldnt fail. ha.
and we all went to have ah beng western food and lived happily ever after!
had my first paper today.. management. BUS101.. how appropriate. I gotta admit.. i haven't studied enough.. but last min revision was pretty helpful. Thank God!
I sat in the gigantic exam hall looking at the paper i smiled to myself.. it didnt look too bad.
i scribbled all the crap i have onto the papers and i managed to fill 11pages with it. ha. not too sure how much of it was relevant.. but then again.. at least there are 11pages of it. half of it right would have brought me thru anyway. ha.
i walked out of the exam hall a happy man.. but all i see was frustrated faces all around me. hmmm.. the paper wasnt that hard.. i wondered. So why the long faces?
realised they were sulking that they couldn't score. I was smiling that i wouldnt fail. ha.
and we all went to have ah beng western food and lived happily ever after!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Hope you're not gay
hi there! If you're reading this.. you're one of the few(hmmm.. let me count.. 1..2..3.. around there i guess)weird people who like to peer into my blog for no reason. Either you're addicted to mediocrity or you're somehow for whatever reason interested in my life. (I hope you're not gay!! Please!!! nOOOoooo!!!)
But then again.. i welcome you anyway. Feel free to bore yourself with my bitching about my life in here. I dun usually address the people who come by cos i am usually the only one who reads my own blog. haha. I'm quite a fan actually.. reading up on blogs years ago.. Helps me with my short term memory thingie.. reminds me of things. Amuses me sometimes.
Then again.. why are you reading my blog? hmmm... i'm interested already. Dun you have your own life to live? some webcast to catch? movie to watch? people to call? some project to do? some books to read? some animals to feed? some pimple to squeeze?
tick tock tick tock.. every moment here is a moment wasted. But thanks for showing interest anyway.
There really is nothing much here if its content you're looking for.. and if there if a door in cyber space i'd show you the door. ha. so thanks for dropping by to nothing. please come again! and i truly hope you're not gay!
bye bye
But then again.. i welcome you anyway. Feel free to bore yourself with my bitching about my life in here. I dun usually address the people who come by cos i am usually the only one who reads my own blog. haha. I'm quite a fan actually.. reading up on blogs years ago.. Helps me with my short term memory thingie.. reminds me of things. Amuses me sometimes.
Then again.. why are you reading my blog? hmmm... i'm interested already. Dun you have your own life to live? some webcast to catch? movie to watch? people to call? some project to do? some books to read? some animals to feed? some pimple to squeeze?
tick tock tick tock.. every moment here is a moment wasted. But thanks for showing interest anyway.
There really is nothing much here if its content you're looking for.. and if there if a door in cyber space i'd show you the door. ha. so thanks for dropping by to nothing. please come again! and i truly hope you're not gay!
bye bye
That Morbit Feeling
went to give my white blood cells today again. Sat there for 7hrs. tot i could use this time to do some revision for my examination tml.. well.. i was wrong.. the stupid chair was too comfy to study la.. i kept falling asleep. haha.
thank God my white blood cells were very much acceptable to uncle steven.. cos i heard alot of people couldn't donate in the first place. The 2 times i when for the donation i've already seen so many people who came for the screening being rejected for donation already. Poor auntie Sally, always see her so washed out but still so strong. Thanks for the hospitality, for all the food you bought me! :)
Min Yee told me today that actually her dad not doing too well. Doc told them that they already did all they could already. so could only sustain him thru all the transfusion and the machines and hopefully he turns around. Reminded me of the time when my grand ma was in hospital.. knowing that she was fading away.. but still praying for a miracle. You tell yourself that you gotta prepare yourself for the lost eventually. But then again.. can you ever prepare for such a lost? i doubt so. End of the day.. all the preparations boils down to tears and sadness. Nothing can prepare you for the lost. trust me.
However.. you know that you'll have to get over it somehow. let go.. move on. And you eventually will. Moving on is not about forgetting the person so that you dun feel the pain.. it's about accepting the fact that he/she is gone. Holding on tight to the memories that you had together.. holding on the lessons you've learned in the relationship. I still remember the faces of the friends i lost. I do visit them once in a while.. afraid that i've forgotten about them. i try not to. I tot i'd never get over their deaths.. but you'll be surprise how forgetful people are.
I'm sorry if i ever forgotten. You'll be glad that your dismiss managed to encourage others to live better.. including me. How ever much i hate what you did.. i hope you're in a better place than we are now.
well.. may the Lord's consolation and comfort and peace falls on weary hearts tonight. Refreshed when we all get up in the morning.. for His mercies are new every morning and His grace is sufficient for me! Amen
thank God my white blood cells were very much acceptable to uncle steven.. cos i heard alot of people couldn't donate in the first place. The 2 times i when for the donation i've already seen so many people who came for the screening being rejected for donation already. Poor auntie Sally, always see her so washed out but still so strong. Thanks for the hospitality, for all the food you bought me! :)
Min Yee told me today that actually her dad not doing too well. Doc told them that they already did all they could already. so could only sustain him thru all the transfusion and the machines and hopefully he turns around. Reminded me of the time when my grand ma was in hospital.. knowing that she was fading away.. but still praying for a miracle. You tell yourself that you gotta prepare yourself for the lost eventually. But then again.. can you ever prepare for such a lost? i doubt so. End of the day.. all the preparations boils down to tears and sadness. Nothing can prepare you for the lost. trust me.
However.. you know that you'll have to get over it somehow. let go.. move on. And you eventually will. Moving on is not about forgetting the person so that you dun feel the pain.. it's about accepting the fact that he/she is gone. Holding on tight to the memories that you had together.. holding on the lessons you've learned in the relationship. I still remember the faces of the friends i lost. I do visit them once in a while.. afraid that i've forgotten about them. i try not to. I tot i'd never get over their deaths.. but you'll be surprise how forgetful people are.
I'm sorry if i ever forgotten. You'll be glad that your dismiss managed to encourage others to live better.. including me. How ever much i hate what you did.. i hope you're in a better place than we are now.
well.. may the Lord's consolation and comfort and peace falls on weary hearts tonight. Refreshed when we all get up in the morning.. for His mercies are new every morning and His grace is sufficient for me! Amen
Friday, April 25, 2008
Screwed
Not exactly a good week.. screwed for the tiniest of things. Not even my fault. irritating. I dun think in my 4 years of Army had anyone reprimanded me for nothing like he did. Well.. he's doin me a favor.. affirming me that this is not the place i would like to stay for too long.
Something fundamentally wrong with the management in Army. It's working at the moment doesn't mean it should be the way. Telling us in the face that the turn over rate is still healthy.. making it an excuse not to address issues. I think its more that they dun wanna feel taken hostage to abide by our real concerns with us threatening to quit.
But this is not it.. it is a natural fact that if satisfaction cannot be found here.. people will go. Can't go 3G without first changing the 1G command attitude. The commanders seems to be engaging and putting up the front for the NSF.. while behind the scene.. nothing much changed. At least that's what i feel here.
Looking at the large number of people leaving.. i hope they are getting the msg.
Something fundamentally wrong with the management in Army. It's working at the moment doesn't mean it should be the way. Telling us in the face that the turn over rate is still healthy.. making it an excuse not to address issues. I think its more that they dun wanna feel taken hostage to abide by our real concerns with us threatening to quit.
But this is not it.. it is a natural fact that if satisfaction cannot be found here.. people will go. Can't go 3G without first changing the 1G command attitude. The commanders seems to be engaging and putting up the front for the NSF.. while behind the scene.. nothing much changed. At least that's what i feel here.
Looking at the large number of people leaving.. i hope they are getting the msg.
Monday, April 21, 2008
My Blueberry Nights
i watched My Blueberry Nights on my graveyard shift the other night. Nothing really much to do around there. Imagine.. hanging around.. just in case. -_-"
Haven't watched a film that made me think so much after.. i really like the show. I like the approach.. the style of photography.. most importantly, i like the fact that it made me learn something new about myself.
It is true that people seldom see you for who you are or what you're worth. And along the way, you fumble between overestimating or undermining yourself that you slowly, but surely, forgotten who you are anymore. It is always about who I want to be.. what I want to do.. how I want things to turn out. But do we really know what is best for us? We probably don't.
i look myself in the mirror and i hardly know who daniel really is. but i love the fact that i'm finding out who he is from the mouth of others. Everyday, i learn something new about myself. Its like reading a book.. each page reveals a little to piece it up to the grand design.
It definitely feels great getting to know yourself.. but on the other hand.. it can sometimes be hard to like what i see. i look at daniel from the outside and sometimes all i really see is a lonely man who choses to be alone on his own accord.. because he thought it suits him better this way.. that it justifies for the awkward years that he passed. An addict for solitude.. a masochist of kind. Not because he enjoys it.. but because it felt deserving and befitting to be like this.
It is like drinking alone. For goodness sake.. liquor taste nothing fantastic. But who was ever really downing them for the taste. Its how it makes you feel. Rightfully high.. rightfully miserable. They are looking for justification. oh precious, instant justification.
something struck me ridiculous from the show. Jeremy,(the owner of the cafe in NY), he keeps a jar of keys all left behind by his customers. Behind every key is a story. Someone leaving.. someone left.. someone waiting and some who just can't let go. He remembers something his mummy told him when he was a little boy.. that if he was ever lost.. he was to stay exactly where he was and she'll come back for him.
Sounds like wisdom to him.. he thought love was the same. That if he stayed and hung on where he lost his love.. it'll come back looking for him. That's exactly what he did. He never left his cafe.. he never change anything about himself. He stayed where he was.. just in case his love came back looking for him and she'll find him exactly who he was before. He thought if he kept those keys in the jars.. the very least is that he kept a possibility to open the doors.
He had to learn the hard way that it didn't work that way..that it wasn't about the door.. that even if the keys someday were to open these doors again.. the person you're looking for probably isn't there anymore. He was waiting to open the door to an empty room. A fool waiting for nothing.
He threw away all the keys in the end. Wondering what he had been missing all these while when he had his eyes dead fixed on that door.
Haven't watched a film that made me think so much after.. i really like the show. I like the approach.. the style of photography.. most importantly, i like the fact that it made me learn something new about myself.
It is true that people seldom see you for who you are or what you're worth. And along the way, you fumble between overestimating or undermining yourself that you slowly, but surely, forgotten who you are anymore. It is always about who I want to be.. what I want to do.. how I want things to turn out. But do we really know what is best for us? We probably don't.
i look myself in the mirror and i hardly know who daniel really is. but i love the fact that i'm finding out who he is from the mouth of others. Everyday, i learn something new about myself. Its like reading a book.. each page reveals a little to piece it up to the grand design.
It definitely feels great getting to know yourself.. but on the other hand.. it can sometimes be hard to like what i see. i look at daniel from the outside and sometimes all i really see is a lonely man who choses to be alone on his own accord.. because he thought it suits him better this way.. that it justifies for the awkward years that he passed. An addict for solitude.. a masochist of kind. Not because he enjoys it.. but because it felt deserving and befitting to be like this.
It is like drinking alone. For goodness sake.. liquor taste nothing fantastic. But who was ever really downing them for the taste. Its how it makes you feel. Rightfully high.. rightfully miserable. They are looking for justification. oh precious, instant justification.
something struck me ridiculous from the show. Jeremy,(the owner of the cafe in NY), he keeps a jar of keys all left behind by his customers. Behind every key is a story. Someone leaving.. someone left.. someone waiting and some who just can't let go. He remembers something his mummy told him when he was a little boy.. that if he was ever lost.. he was to stay exactly where he was and she'll come back for him.
Sounds like wisdom to him.. he thought love was the same. That if he stayed and hung on where he lost his love.. it'll come back looking for him. That's exactly what he did. He never left his cafe.. he never change anything about himself. He stayed where he was.. just in case his love came back looking for him and she'll find him exactly who he was before. He thought if he kept those keys in the jars.. the very least is that he kept a possibility to open the doors.
He had to learn the hard way that it didn't work that way..that it wasn't about the door.. that even if the keys someday were to open these doors again.. the person you're looking for probably isn't there anymore. He was waiting to open the door to an empty room. A fool waiting for nothing.
He threw away all the keys in the end. Wondering what he had been missing all these while when he had his eyes dead fixed on that door.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
123 我们都是木头人 (下)
david tao didnt disappoint. the crowd did.
nevertheless.. david rocks! haha. i mean he really rocked the stadium man! as usual... i'm impressed. the arrangements over all the old songs.. made them sparkling new! like i've never heard before. ha
now when i think back.. Mayday's concert cant hold a candle to david's. Sometimes its not about nice songs.. it aint enough. David's concert oozes substances. Hard not to be inspired after every song. nothing like seeing musicians enjoying themselves.
we'll i think it's true.. last album in dec. hope he'll make a come back.. i promise i wont laugh at him goin back on his word. ha. but if david stops making music.. i've got nothing to look forward to anymore..(maybe still got jacky cheung and wang lee hom.. hee)
bottom line is.. i enjoyed myself.. God gained the glory from his testimonies.. everyone's happy.
nevertheless.. david rocks! haha. i mean he really rocked the stadium man! as usual... i'm impressed. the arrangements over all the old songs.. made them sparkling new! like i've never heard before. ha
now when i think back.. Mayday's concert cant hold a candle to david's. Sometimes its not about nice songs.. it aint enough. David's concert oozes substances. Hard not to be inspired after every song. nothing like seeing musicians enjoying themselves.
we'll i think it's true.. last album in dec. hope he'll make a come back.. i promise i wont laugh at him goin back on his word. ha. but if david stops making music.. i've got nothing to look forward to anymore..(maybe still got jacky cheung and wang lee hom.. hee)
bottom line is.. i enjoyed myself.. God gained the glory from his testimonies.. everyone's happy.
Beautiful
Saturday, April 19, 2008
123 我们都是木头人
counting down to david tao.. 5.. 4 ...3.. 2.. yawn. Opps. tml night's the night! david in action.. haha. a year plus since his last concert.. but cant wait to see what he's got with new arrangements and stuff. ha. i remembered i throughly enjoyed myself the other time. actually much more than the mayday concert.
well well.. it better be good tml. his last album coming soon.. and then bye bye david tao.. or so he say. ha. really quite wasted if he ends now.. argh.. irritating.. why did it have to stop. :(
Today i comprehend what i'm actually supposed to do in camp.. what the army is paying me for. Haiz.. thinking about it.. its really quite a tough one. Managing expectations.. both ends of it.. breaking bad news and making them sound reasonable. Come on.. as if they dun know i'm trying to fool them. But that's partially what i'm paid for. the bad news man.. sianz. the worst thing is i think i'm immune to the pain in seeing them heading towards shit.. partly because i know there isnt much i can do about it.. partly because it doesnt really concern me.. why invest so much of myself in it.
Else where.. i probably could do much more.. but in the army.. they've always been pacifying me. arghh.. irritating. i've been complaining and raising issues of fairness.. or elitism.. of admin lapse.. plain stupid directives but they nv seem to get thru. They just say "i totally understand and agree with you.. but it's beyond my pay grade to address your problem". Duh! Talk about chain of command.. the stopped my complaint and threw it out right there.. how it is ever gonna get to the person who can actually do something about it?? Irritating.
Maybe i should be writing a song about it like david tao.. haha. i might get famous you know.. ha. maybe not.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Come back when you really have something to say!
while people are talking about starting revolutions.. embarking on new journeys.. the new girl in class.. i'm starting to wonder what stirs me.
realised that i'm more wounded than hurt.. more restless than tired. i tot nothing can stir me anymore. I know i still have it inside.. the music within.. the inherent purpose.. but then again.. what good can i be if i'm still me. Overrated me. Procrastinating me.
So what if you can speak? Come back when you really have something to say!
bang bang bang.. an empty vessel. My book is filled with empty pages. Tore some of the pages myself. Things written.. rather not written before.
Run.. run with the wind.. run like you haven't got lungs.. run like there's no tomorrow. But still.. someday you'll have to stop running. who you trying to kid? Who'll be there when you stop running? I tot you'd be.. but i was wrong. You never waited for me. All of you never did. You ran your own races.. in your own strides.. in your own paces.. in your own directions.. you didn't think it mattered.
I'd rather run by myself now.. in case you disappoint me again. If i happen to see you.. i'll stop and say hi. but i wont ask to run with you. Dun want the weight of this expectation to root my feet. Dun want to look like a fool again.
I hate myself for rattling on.. and on and on.. but guess who filled my pages. guess who filled my pages with grudge and complaints.. who left me like this. You know who you are.
Dun worry.. i'll tear these pages apart. what the heck.. i'll throw this whole book away.
So what if you can speak? Come back when you really have something to say!
realised that i'm more wounded than hurt.. more restless than tired. i tot nothing can stir me anymore. I know i still have it inside.. the music within.. the inherent purpose.. but then again.. what good can i be if i'm still me. Overrated me. Procrastinating me.
So what if you can speak? Come back when you really have something to say!
bang bang bang.. an empty vessel. My book is filled with empty pages. Tore some of the pages myself. Things written.. rather not written before.
Run.. run with the wind.. run like you haven't got lungs.. run like there's no tomorrow. But still.. someday you'll have to stop running. who you trying to kid? Who'll be there when you stop running? I tot you'd be.. but i was wrong. You never waited for me. All of you never did. You ran your own races.. in your own strides.. in your own paces.. in your own directions.. you didn't think it mattered.
I'd rather run by myself now.. in case you disappoint me again. If i happen to see you.. i'll stop and say hi. but i wont ask to run with you. Dun want the weight of this expectation to root my feet. Dun want to look like a fool again.
I hate myself for rattling on.. and on and on.. but guess who filled my pages. guess who filled my pages with grudge and complaints.. who left me like this. You know who you are.
Dun worry.. i'll tear these pages apart. what the heck.. i'll throw this whole book away.
So what if you can speak? Come back when you really have something to say!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Boom!
Boom!
i turned around looking from where the sound came from.. i see a wave. a wave of black and white smoke and debris and stone and concrete and steel. like a tsunami.. it sweeps everything in its path.
i see it coming.. My fragile body can feel the shock waves coming.. but i know there's no point running. I stood there.. enjoying the majesty of the moment. Taking in the fact that this is it. i can feel the wind between my fingers as it rushes away from the smoke.. i wish i could run too.. but i'm not the wind. So this is it. where my journey ends. Or at least what i thought.
Before i knew it.. i was before this great wall of destruction.. cliche as it is.. time for once stood still. A final salute.. my last hurrah.. my closing curtain. For once, time stood still for me.
i could see clearly what was in the smoke.. and i know i'll be part of it in no time. i thought in the movies.. your life was supposed to be flashing before your eyes or something. Bullshit. It never happened. Or have i ever had a life worth remembering in the first place. All i could think of is if i was supposed to be thinking at all in the face of my end. i was trembling with fear.. but i let out a grin.. laughing at myself. My eyes could hardly open wide with the wind pouring in. but i had to see this for myself.
It's getting louder and louder. and suddenly, it's here. I dun hear a thing anymore.. like sound just got sucked out of this world. I couldn't open my eyes anymore. I feel my body rammed so hard against this wall that my body flies backwards.. the debris in the air cuts my face and my body.. my lungs ruptured by the compression. I thought it was gonna be quick.. i was wrong. Every cut was ever so vivid.. ever so painful.
The blast threw me so far away.. i slammed against this wall and ended my flight. my arms and legs felt broken from the impact. The blast lost steam and slowly danced off to a whimper. leaving me shattered and bleeding. finding it so hard to breath.. i thought i rather die. on the ash and stones littered floor i laid.. face on the floor.. tats it? thats all? i think it's over.
ashes raining over me in black flakes.. the air smelt like burnt rubber.. my body feels so swollen. i close my eyes. Hoping it'll end just here. The whole world closing in on me.. or did i just shut the world out.
my world is in darkness now. Am i dead? i really don't know. How do i check? It doesn't really matter anyway.
But it sure was fun being blasted away.
i turned around looking from where the sound came from.. i see a wave. a wave of black and white smoke and debris and stone and concrete and steel. like a tsunami.. it sweeps everything in its path.
i see it coming.. My fragile body can feel the shock waves coming.. but i know there's no point running. I stood there.. enjoying the majesty of the moment. Taking in the fact that this is it. i can feel the wind between my fingers as it rushes away from the smoke.. i wish i could run too.. but i'm not the wind. So this is it. where my journey ends. Or at least what i thought.
Before i knew it.. i was before this great wall of destruction.. cliche as it is.. time for once stood still. A final salute.. my last hurrah.. my closing curtain. For once, time stood still for me.
i could see clearly what was in the smoke.. and i know i'll be part of it in no time. i thought in the movies.. your life was supposed to be flashing before your eyes or something. Bullshit. It never happened. Or have i ever had a life worth remembering in the first place. All i could think of is if i was supposed to be thinking at all in the face of my end. i was trembling with fear.. but i let out a grin.. laughing at myself. My eyes could hardly open wide with the wind pouring in. but i had to see this for myself.
It's getting louder and louder. and suddenly, it's here. I dun hear a thing anymore.. like sound just got sucked out of this world. I couldn't open my eyes anymore. I feel my body rammed so hard against this wall that my body flies backwards.. the debris in the air cuts my face and my body.. my lungs ruptured by the compression. I thought it was gonna be quick.. i was wrong. Every cut was ever so vivid.. ever so painful.
The blast threw me so far away.. i slammed against this wall and ended my flight. my arms and legs felt broken from the impact. The blast lost steam and slowly danced off to a whimper. leaving me shattered and bleeding. finding it so hard to breath.. i thought i rather die. on the ash and stones littered floor i laid.. face on the floor.. tats it? thats all? i think it's over.
ashes raining over me in black flakes.. the air smelt like burnt rubber.. my body feels so swollen. i close my eyes. Hoping it'll end just here. The whole world closing in on me.. or did i just shut the world out.
my world is in darkness now. Am i dead? i really don't know. How do i check? It doesn't really matter anyway.
But it sure was fun being blasted away.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Hey.. tonight I'm feeling fine..
"Hey.. tonight i'm feeling fine"
from a song i've heard this line
laying down my head with my phone by my side
wont you please ring for once this time
Hey.. am i feeling fine tonight?
the wind so strong and i feel so light
from a song i've heard this line
laying down my head with my phone by my side
wont you please ring for once this time
Hey.. am i feeling fine tonight?
the wind so strong and i feel so light
made me forget my brooding set of mind
but why don't i see a smile in sight
Are you kidding? You're still waiting?
I've seen mad man saner than you
my phone wont ring.. the smile wont stick
wake up wake up.. silly man.
Hey.. i found it.. i've found the way
Stop believing.. stop .. stop deceiving
I'm never gonna let it go if i keep trying so hard
never gonna see anything with my eyes wide shut
So then again.. dun waste my time
Quarter lifer ain't anymore too young
Say it's over.. Know it's over..
a brand new page awaits you silly man
Hey today i'm feeling fine!
I really am.. i feel so light
silly man.. silly man
i waited so long for nothing
and it took this Nothing to teach me everything else
Are you kidding? You're still waiting?
I've seen mad man saner than you
my phone wont ring.. the smile wont stick
wake up wake up.. silly man.
Hey.. i found it.. i've found the way
Stop believing.. stop .. stop deceiving
I'm never gonna let it go if i keep trying so hard
never gonna see anything with my eyes wide shut
So then again.. dun waste my time
Quarter lifer ain't anymore too young
Say it's over.. Know it's over..
a brand new page awaits you silly man
Hey today i'm feeling fine!
I really am.. i feel so light
silly man.. silly man
i waited so long for nothing
and it took this Nothing to teach me everything else
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I dont do rhyme
MICE MICE MICE... that's where the money is.
that's where i'm going. not after the money though.
How much is a few cents worth? how much is a lot of money worth?
Not much really.. yawn.. working for money? Isn't that a chore?
sneeze sneeze.. please turn of the tap.
If not for my blocked nose.. i could almost smell the air.
Welcoming.. exciting... challenging.. bleeding.. :(
Sneeze sneeze.. my nose is bleeding.. my head is burning.. yawn.. isn't it a chore
Selamat selamat.. stop playing your game..
you come out of hiding and we can all go home.
You can go back to jail.. where they feed you.. clothe you.. groom you like a pet.
Honestly.. the thought of that seems better than the lives of many i know.
Stupid selamat.. waste my time.. yawn.. isnt it a chore.
that's where i'm going. not after the money though.
How much is a few cents worth? how much is a lot of money worth?
Not much really.. yawn.. working for money? Isn't that a chore?
sneeze sneeze.. please turn of the tap.
If not for my blocked nose.. i could almost smell the air.
Welcoming.. exciting... challenging.. bleeding.. :(
Sneeze sneeze.. my nose is bleeding.. my head is burning.. yawn.. isn't it a chore
Selamat selamat.. stop playing your game..
you come out of hiding and we can all go home.
You can go back to jail.. where they feed you.. clothe you.. groom you like a pet.
Honestly.. the thought of that seems better than the lives of many i know.
Stupid selamat.. waste my time.. yawn.. isnt it a chore.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
CNY CNY!!! -_-"
haiz, big deal.. how i wish i was a kid again. New Year is so much more fun when you're younger.
well well.. been busy recently.. havent got time to come around to blog. well.. life's as usual.. in 8Sig now.. busy busy busy.. doing so much stuff. But still, i feel much better now than i was in 3Sig. ha. Got lots more to learn though.. went in less than 3 months and i'm re-profiled again. argh.. ground zero.. square one! :(
well.. spent alot of money recently.. one particular one really made me bleed BIG TIME!! argh.. thinking of it really makes my heart ache again. Was supposed to be having our poly reunion dinner and ming yan suggested Humble House. Oh gosh!!! i remembered my brother told me it's expensive.. very expensive indeed! I called them up to tell them DUN eat there! haha.. but we still ended up there. :(
Haiz, good thing the company we had was good.. since we spending so much money, we might as well have a good time then. Damn malu thing was that the first dish was YuSheng.. then Humble Hse was quite dark.. we started stirring the YuSheng right away making so much noise.. then we realise a stunned waiter standing beside us holding 2 plates. Only then we realise our YuSheng had no fish and sauce.. only all the vege and redish and stuff. ha.
damn paiseh la.. we told the waiter we actually looking for the raw fish cos we thought it's underneath. haha.. lame excuse. ha. He put the fish and sauce and we started stirring again.. huat ah! haha.
5 course meal... first dish - YuSheng, 2nd dish - Shark Fin Soup, 3rd Dish - snow fish with vege, 4th dish, crab meat fried rice, 5th dish - 2pieces of Nian Kao(New Year cake). I feel the flavour was average.. overrated.. the cost? A WHOPPING $110 per pax!!!! argh! *world spinning, daniel screaming!!!
my most ex meal ever. haiz. dun recommend anyone there unless you feeling really rich. food fare was average..not really fantastic. 6/10.
back to work tml.. ktv was fun.. but they not enthu enough though.. crispina fly me airplane! last min tell me she not goin then she ended up gambling with my mum. haha.
kekeke.. gonna sleep le.. got work and school tml.. An Xin Shang Lu!!!
haiz, big deal.. how i wish i was a kid again. New Year is so much more fun when you're younger.
well well.. been busy recently.. havent got time to come around to blog. well.. life's as usual.. in 8Sig now.. busy busy busy.. doing so much stuff. But still, i feel much better now than i was in 3Sig. ha. Got lots more to learn though.. went in less than 3 months and i'm re-profiled again. argh.. ground zero.. square one! :(
well.. spent alot of money recently.. one particular one really made me bleed BIG TIME!! argh.. thinking of it really makes my heart ache again. Was supposed to be having our poly reunion dinner and ming yan suggested Humble House. Oh gosh!!! i remembered my brother told me it's expensive.. very expensive indeed! I called them up to tell them DUN eat there! haha.. but we still ended up there. :(
Haiz, good thing the company we had was good.. since we spending so much money, we might as well have a good time then. Damn malu thing was that the first dish was YuSheng.. then Humble Hse was quite dark.. we started stirring the YuSheng right away making so much noise.. then we realise a stunned waiter standing beside us holding 2 plates. Only then we realise our YuSheng had no fish and sauce.. only all the vege and redish and stuff. ha.
damn paiseh la.. we told the waiter we actually looking for the raw fish cos we thought it's underneath. haha.. lame excuse. ha. He put the fish and sauce and we started stirring again.. huat ah! haha.
5 course meal... first dish - YuSheng, 2nd dish - Shark Fin Soup, 3rd Dish - snow fish with vege, 4th dish, crab meat fried rice, 5th dish - 2pieces of Nian Kao(New Year cake). I feel the flavour was average.. overrated.. the cost? A WHOPPING $110 per pax!!!! argh! *world spinning, daniel screaming!!!
my most ex meal ever. haiz. dun recommend anyone there unless you feeling really rich. food fare was average..not really fantastic. 6/10.
back to work tml.. ktv was fun.. but they not enthu enough though.. crispina fly me airplane! last min tell me she not goin then she ended up gambling with my mum. haha.
kekeke.. gonna sleep le.. got work and school tml.. An Xin Shang Lu!!!
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