dun really wanna blog nowadays.. got nothing to say anymore.. i feel like i'm living in a mime. lost my voice.. jus watching my black and white life go past.
in this black and white mime of mine.. there is this little window. A window where i'd always take a peek. Peeking at the world outside.
outside this window is a beautiful world of colours.. rainbow splashed.. i hear laughter.. humming of songs.. sounds of wind running thru the park. the sight and sound of a world i dun belong. I belong to the black and white mime.
i dun remember having to try so hard to be happy. not that i'm not. just tired tryin and sustaining and losing it again. things were easier before. everyone's trying with you. and slowly one by one found out how.. and u realised u're trying to smile by yourself. wondering wat's wrong with yourself.
the thing is.. nothing is really wrong.. nothing was ever wrong. you jus simply long to reach out to another life. then you realised it's not about being happy. it's really about lonliness. i'd rather laugh and cry and whine and do anything together with someone rather than alone. but then again.. you're never really alone. you jus chose the people you want to do them with. people reaching out to you.. you're reaching out to someone else. everyone's neglected. But of cos those who found each other has a different story.
work has dulled me.. people has failed me.. the world is laughing at me.. and worst of all.. i cant stand me.
people telling me they were afraid to talk to me.. telling me they were kept their distance from me. i really wonder wat kind of a person i am. i guess the smiles i'm seeing all these while aint real. at least most of them. if i had the chance.. i'd really wanna meet daniel.
wat's keepin me awake? unsatisfaction i guess. people telling me things i dun understand. people shunning me.. i dun understand. people expecting me to do things that they think i ought to.. they dun understand.
good thing one thing i do understand.. this tv is a colour tv. only the program is black and white. all i need to do is to change the channel.
2 things.. i gotta first find the remote. And i kind of like watching black and white oldies. Maybe i'll hang on a little long to see wat happens before i channel surf.
