Nothing compares... Nothing to compare

looking around the room for tat familar face.. Nope.. not there anymore. I know i know.. it's pathetic, but still.. it's hard not to look. i dun even remember why i'm doin this.

ever tried so hard to forget someone that you forgotten why u are trying? Maybe it became a habit falling for u. i know i shouldnt. i know.i think i know.. do i know? dun think i know anymore.

stuck in a moment.. laddened by the past. nothing compares. nothing to compare.

i still remember how it felt. close to you.. feathers in my heart. You light up the room.. u light up the world.. u light up my heart. Feel like i'm an addict. Hooked to that feeling. Cold turkey not helping. substitution end up hurting.. not me. i'm sorry.

Cant think straight.. broken thoughts..Highlight of week.. company exercise shake up.. set up drill..again..and again. felt like a dog.. wet.. sweaty.. tired.. demoralised. Next day...10km run..2 weeks from now.. 21km..run? dun think so.. drag myself across the finish line. Arms breaking.. legs falling apart.. scared and afraid ... wat's to come? More of justin's bullshit.. hang in there. Buy food.. one last time.. make it thru.. waiting for Paradise. Paradise now!

finally.

Weird Dreams From Bintan

yep.. i'm back from bintan.. took a break from Singapore.. dropped by bintan with phoebe.

Went there with one thing on my mind.. to clear my head and prepare wats to come. Not too bad for me.. sea breeze and white sands(not exactly white though), Jet ski and sun tan.. Think i probably bore phoebe to death.haha.(if u're reading this.. sorry babe!) Didnt feel like doin much over there.. pretty excited abt the seas though! ha.. too bad phoebe not very into the idea of soaking in sodium and i'm not very into the idea of floating around alone in the seas either. hee.

~~~

Weird Dream
had a weird dream over there on sunday night.. bought a couple of beers (Bintang! Indonesia's local beer) watching Chelsea vs Arsenel on ESPN! Tot it's gonna be easier to sleep with with beer..*buzzer* wrong.. kept me awake all night! kept having werid dreams. Woke up puzzled.. dreamt that this cat came over to talk to me.. telling me of this conspircy that the resort staff are having and that i'm being watched! my reaction : "HUH?!" He dragged me into its car.. interesting sight to see a cat driving with it's paw.

The cat looks like Garfield on Silm10.. skinny.. wide eyed.. weird.. he told me to :"Shut up and listen! i'm driving u to somewhere safe!" Behind me.. i could see huge beams of seach lights shining down as if prisoners escaped from a prison. i looked at the cat... it didnt say it's name. Now squinting its eyes..intently driving.. swishing thru the roads to avoid detection from the giant search beams.

I wonder the nature of this kidnap... where the hell is this talkin cat bringing me to? Can i trust it? Then it spoke again.. i was expecting the motion.. but not the content. "Before we get outta this place.. i need to pick up my sidekick! Damn! where the hell is he?!"the cat said, scaning intensely peering thru the windscreen. An accomplice? Now i'm wondering if i'm on drugs.. wat kindda bullshit is this? i know i'm imaginative.. but this is totally outragous! I swear anymore bullshit coming from this cat..i'm gonna throw it out of the car myself!

Rite when tat thought came in.. an old voice creeped up from the hind seats! "i'm here already!"it said. Startled.. i turned my head back only to throw myself aback! I should have know.. the cat's accomplice is a olg hagged looking dog!!

i knew i went too far. must be something i ate! ha

I shoke myself awake.. next thing i know.. i was on my bed. 2:30am. i'm so glad i'm dreaming. i didnt go back to sleep. Washed my face in the basin.. feeling that cold fluid running across my face.. reminded me of that vivid impression of the talkin cat.

honestly.. it was kindda cute

~~~

Excuse me..are u a movie star?

Second morning on the island.. i was enjoying my last complimentry breakfast from the resort with phoebe.

Looking at all the good food there is.. except tat i sort of remembered that they cooked the same stuff the last morning as well. I hope it's not left overs that i'm eating. hee.

From experience.. i helped myself to it's scrambled eggs and sausages. Trial and tested i thought.

Jus when i was digging away at the food.. this hotel staff came over and spoke to me. A typical hotel staff it seemed.. offering his services to me, or i tot so. He looked at me ever so ernest..almost with a sparkle in his eye. I wondered if he wanted to offer a hand with the food.

"Excuse me.. are u a movie star?" he asked.

A half filled plate on one hand.. one full scope of eggs on another.. a completely empty mind up in my head. What did he jus say?? was he speaking some foreign language i didnt understand? Am i suppose to answer his question? was that a real question in the first place?

I stood there stunned for a moment.. i glanced at him.. he seemed to be expecting a reply. "Er.. nope. Not movie star." i gave him my million dollar smile for what's it's worth. Seem to hav lost my command of english for a moment. Wat the hell was he thinking? He probably says this to all his resort guest, i tot.

As dramatic as it can be.. the saga continues. He caught me off guard again.. "OOOOHH... but you're so handsome! i tot u are movie star. so u here on honeymoon?" ok.. now i'm embarrassed.First he says i'm good looking.. now he says i'm married. I rather he jus scoped my eggs for me and leave.

"Er.. Nope.. not married. jus holiday. Thanks" i turned away and made my way back to my seat. i could almost feel his smile on my back.

Back at our seats.. had a good laugh at it. Movie star! ha. Wonder how many tourist fell for that. but it's a nice tot eh. Hee

you're beautiful.. it's true

yes yes.. it's been some time.. i've got lots of things i wanna share.. most of them are nagging and complaints abt the circumstances and ppl around me. but something wonderful happened to me this week that overwritten all those complaints and smacked a smile on my face...maybe a sigh too.

went over to my grandma's place for dinner on national day.. havent visited her for some time already. bought her fav roast duck over. After dinner i was jus flipping thru my stuff in her place. I left lots of stuff over at her place.. cos i sort of stored my stuff there for the time being when i move to my sengkang place. Found my brother's guitar.. some books i was looking for.. and more importantly.. i found a metal box sitting dusty in a corner.

This box couldnt be more familiar with me. it's a box where i kept bits and pieces of my past. Letters.. birthday cards.. vanlentine cards.. short notes.. small presents and more importantly.. my diary! ha. I brought the box back home with me.. with clear intentions not to open it up. i knew wat will happen if i did. Every other time that i did.. history and emotions hits me so hard. so hard tat it hurts.. of the friends i lost.. silly things i've done.. promises i made.. chances i missed.. love i found.. and lost again.

i left it quietly beside the CPU below my desk. jus wanting to keep it close. But as fate has it.. i was all alone at home on Thursday night.. mum and brother went out. Yep.. u guessed it right.. i tot about relinquishing a little history. I picked up the rusty box cover in dust. Lay it on my lap and opened it up.

there's a funny expectation everytime i open it up.. i'll be thinking that some divine light will shine from inside like a treasure box from some hollywood movie! ha.Nope.. everytime i'd be disappointed. But still.. even without the "divine" light.. the content is enough to shine a light in my heart.

Surprised that the contents are left exactly the way it was the last time i visited. Right on top of the stack is this old exercise book. I knew wat it was.. it was a diary... my diary. I flipped thru the pages wondering wat i wrote in them. I'm so glad nobody's home that night to spoil this little private moment. i was laughing.. close to tears.. feelin this close proximity to the author.. seeing how i used to be and who i have become. The memories were breath taking!

Only a handful of entries in the 3 years of the diary.. i guess i was a man if little words. but when i wrote.. it was always writing abt the same subject.. this one girl in my life. I felt like i was brought back to the past. Seeing this poor little boy fall head over heels for this specky little girl. Finding a million and one reasons to feel bad about himself. Always thinkin if he ever meant anything to that little girl.. finally finding his way to her heart as they grow up.. Even in the relationship he's mind clouded in revery.. finally losing her.. finally figuring how he'd lose someone so dear.

Such are the memories that made me realised that after 6 years.. no doubt i've grown.. but somehow i cant help but feel i'm back to square one. All those emotions depicted so long ago seemed ever so fresh. Specky little girl no longer specky.. little boy no longer who he used to be.. things dun seem so simple anymore. But the questions remains the same. Will that silent reverence in the teengae boy's heart ever be heard? Maybe it's about time.

Don't know what you do to me but

Everytime I'm with you it's a natural high

It's like re-discovering Eden

with chocolate -coated rainbows

and cotton candy skies

And everytime you look my way

I wish I had the guts to say

There's something in your eyes

Something in your smile

Something in the way you move me

You make me want to sing

Make me want to dance

Make me want to cry

I'm falling in love with you.

Not supposed to be here..

yep.. i'm in camp.. 1230am.. supposed to be workin now.but wat the hell.. got the whole night to work away. decided to spend a few mins recounting todae. hee.

last min notice tat my toopid CO wants to see the changes on mon morning. First reaction:" WAT?" it's Sat already and he expects the things to be done by mon. he thinks he really the Emperor ah! haiz. maybe he is.. but even if he is.. he sucked as one!

decided to come back tonight and do up some infra-structure for tml so when marcus and adraine comes in they can more efficeintly start work right away. Quite at a lost of wat to do also. HELP!

wanted to go book my advance driving test date this morning.. i said wanted. Apparently i could wake up in time. ha. had breakfast with mummy and made my way down to the padang. dunno why i there also. jus kept talking to ppl and sleeping. Only till around 12 plus then smo broke the BAD(bad is an understatement) news to me. i understand their predicament.. nothing much they can do as well. Gave up complaining and gave in to the fact tat i coming back to camp le.Sianz.

Went to cell after tat.. finished cell.. asked mushi to give me a ride somewhere nearer to camp.. he dropped me at bukit panjang. :(.......... haha. dropped off with gemi and ah liang. went to top up some "batteries" for tonight. Ah liang suggested having supper.. so grabed a bit with them. Ate mac.. all nuggets.. semi conductors.. bose.. next moment i'm on a busy back to camp. Nice feeling though. i mean the supper.. not the bus ride back to hell.ha. Familar sentiments. Funny feeling..

Not gonna make it to church tml.. shucks.. wished i could be there.take care ppl! dun forget abt me ya. Gonna miss the soccer match as well. haiz. My sundays are reserved! toopid army.. toopid CO. screw my schedule. haiz. okok.. gotta learn to quit complaining. better get back to work le.

-OuT-

Kakashi

interesting day.. saw the true "evil" face of my CO. ha. wasted my 2 weeks working on the sponsorship videos and the first things he said when i saw the video was " WAT'S TAT!?" Saw my S3,(a major) kena big time from my CO. sianz. Tot he some scholar ..quiet quiet.. didnt know he so unreasonably demanding. Good thing he's leaving soon. Phew.. good thing i leaving soon too. gonna hand things over. dunno how they gonna cope after the handing over. well.. nothing much i can do now.. i've got Ex Diamond Link to bother about.hee

Today couldnt do much..practically all i did was make some phone calls. thats all. my video has been put on hold at the moment. nothing much i can do. Ended up lookin thru the iinternet for naruto manga! ha. Unfortunately only one new episode came out. Finished it in a jif.. and i'm hungry for naruto again. had this wacky idea of doin wall papers for naruto. you know.. those fan art thingie. So i decided to do a wallpaper of my fav character from the anime series..KAKASHI!!! haha

Went in seach of graphics of his posture of he doin some seals or he doin his famous Chidori. found some really low res pics.. added my touch to it. Quite amazed i still have wat it takes.. took me a little longer.. but it was pretty good.

Instant wallpaper of Kakashi San!

Here it is.. if u want the wall paper jus let me know. I'll send it over to u

not too bad eh. ha.

-OuT-

Holland bound!

hee.. goin off work soon.. matter of mins actually.
gonna meet xav and silin for dinner at HollandV. think we goin for laksa or something. lalalala.
after Holland.. i'm Home BOUND!!! ha.

ByE WoRlD!~

alittle crazy todae.. sort of lost my way on my way home.. not literally lost. i knew where i was.. but i didnt know where i was goin. ha. walked right out of the train station and headed for the supermarket, grabbed one of those green basket from cold storage and started shopping for groceries. ha. not something i'd do often. On my way back.. there was this sale for Levis underwear.. dun ask me why.. i bought a box. i jus kept buying irrelevant stuff.

didnt get much work done todae.. didnt feel like doin. damn sick of workin on the same damn video for so many days. I'll carry on tml then. nothing interesting todae. sad.

finishing up on my book soon. I got funny reading habits. like to read the lines over and over again till the whole flavour of the scene is in my head! ha. then as i read on i'll start to drift off. My eyes will keep scaning the pages.. but my mind has already taken the story and ran off in its own rendition. hee. before i know it.. i'm re-reading the pages again. ha. damn slow to read. but thats the way i like it.

still nobody's home. brother on night shift.. mummy went out. yawn. on the phone with jane for the past hour or two.. watched Bleech episode42! ha. pathatic lifestyle.. but no worries.. it's gonna get better. i dun know how.. but it's gonna get better.(*fingers crossed)

stupid blangdesh!

been a while since my last post.. took half a day off todae.. jus got home so better grab sometime to update a littlle.

well..my mum's finally comin back from Korea.. running off to the airport to pick her up. At times like this.. i'm asking myself why oh why didnt i jus go get my driving licence.. jus couldnt bother eh. Knowing u dun have a licence when u ought to really sucks! ha. Now pay the price daniel!!

Trying to read up on the train on my way home.. almost done with my Deception Point, now at the part where William Pickering is dead in the rubbles of his flaming car that took a direct hit from a Hellfire missile fire at rifle distance by the deadly Delta Force on a helicopter rite in the heart of the US capitol, Washinton D.C while Rachael Sexton and Tolland heads toward the Goya(Tolland's research ship) in a pit stop to the capitol!! ha. i doubt many of you knows wat the hell i'm talkin abt. but it doesnt really matter does it?? it my blog ya! whaha

Not that i'm racist or anything..(i've got no prejudice against their race... ok.. i've got not much prejudice for most of their race). Stunned and humiliated by a blangdesh worker outside my camp last friday.. "trumatic" event tat made me laugh at myself. Let me recount the event. all i remember is that i booked outta camp fri afternoon.. saw my bus 182 approaching the bus stop and i made a fultle run to catch the bus.It's quite a stretch but i gave chase anywae. RIte before the bus stop, there's this blangadesh worker doin some road works. Apparently i didnt catch my bus. i slowed to a slow jog seeing my bus moving off without me. The next thing shocked me. That blangadesh work actually made the effort walked up the pavement and laughed at me.. obviously for missing the bus!!! (*he was pointing at the departing bus and pointing at me laughing like a hyena!!) Who the hell does that kindda things!!

Freaked out! was that a hostile gesture?! Apparent he havent tasted the sole of my boots! hah. but i was in awe.. amazed at his courage to laugh at my misfortune. All i managed was an artificial smile that i'm sure he could make out the sublime meaning of my smile...(You better watch it dude!)wahah. but i guess it didnt really matter to him eh. i probably made his day.