ever felt like you were deep into a conversation and unwillingly you fell asleep... only to jerk yourself up and realise that the person you are talkin to is still on the same topic.. However u kept feeling that u missed something?
well.. nothing much to bring back from aust this time round. Had a lot of time to myself though.. wanted to think thru some stuff with the time i had. Didnt really work out. I chosed to leave it aside. Took a good break in the middle of the outback not thinking abt anything.. or anyone rather.
had a good time getting to know the ppl in my node a lot better..all the time we had in the 14days out field. Gathering at the camp fire for warmth and comfort from the freezing cold. Pouring out from jokes to opinions to problems. Fighting for impossible links.. thinking of ways to fight boredom. Definately wielded everyone together.
but still.. it always felt empty at the end of the day when the fire chills. Like something is unacomplished. well.. nvm.
beautiful stars.. once so familar.. nice to see you again.. throwing stones.. carving wood.. evidence of our boredom rolled through out the hills.
thats wallaby... again. loved it.. cant wait to get home. Now i'm home.. cant wait to get back there.
tot i didnt miss much from my absence.. guess i was wrong.. ppl pretending i didnt miss much.. such disgusting pretense. You didnt bothered.. end of story. Wat else could i do? something's churning inside.. unsettled rage tat everyone is painting a false picture for me.. pacifying me.. marked me as if i was gonna be difficult. Tagged "Approach with caution" label. Please tell me i'm wrong. i probably am. I usually am. i never know. i tot i didnt care.. but i do.
nvm.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Another goodbye
flying off again.. last night in singapore. For those who dun know.. i'm off to Australia Shoal Water Bay Training Area for 3 weeks for ex Diamond Warrior.
hmmm.. guess this is goodbye for the next 3 weeks. Weird to say so.. quite in a spot whether or not to leave. But this is for the best.. need the time off.. dun wanna leave my friends and guys behind for ex as well. So there i go tml.
yep.. as easy as it sounds.. it's hard to drag myself away rite now. Gonna miss so many ppl and things back here. *if you are wondering rite now if you are one of those ppl... take heart that you are. ha* :P Why do i always hav to leave at these kind of times.
Can still remember my last trip to Australia.. feeling kind of the same rite now. But situations and ppl changed.. why am i still feeling like this. Probably it was meant to be. Got a feeling i'm gonna do something drastic when i get back this time. maybe i will.
so take care everyone.. take care of my family while i'm away too. Goin into a period of construction and deconstruction. hopefully coming back anew. New beginning.. new courage.. new song.. new view. Just brand new.
hmmm.. guess this is goodbye for the next 3 weeks. Weird to say so.. quite in a spot whether or not to leave. But this is for the best.. need the time off.. dun wanna leave my friends and guys behind for ex as well. So there i go tml.
yep.. as easy as it sounds.. it's hard to drag myself away rite now. Gonna miss so many ppl and things back here. *if you are wondering rite now if you are one of those ppl... take heart that you are. ha* :P Why do i always hav to leave at these kind of times.
Can still remember my last trip to Australia.. feeling kind of the same rite now. But situations and ppl changed.. why am i still feeling like this. Probably it was meant to be. Got a feeling i'm gonna do something drastic when i get back this time. maybe i will.
so take care everyone.. take care of my family while i'm away too. Goin into a period of construction and deconstruction. hopefully coming back anew. New beginning.. new courage.. new song.. new view. Just brand new.
Luvya all.. love you most.
But will you ever know
Friday, November 17, 2006
please remember...
Yes yes.. i'm flying off this sunday morning.
Stop asking me ya. You'll know i'm gone when.. well.. when i'm gone i guess.
something's really weird recently. think i'm havin mood swings. hmmmm... i dun quite understand. The world seems to be a colder place.. where "warmth" hav been placed in the freezer and love sounds so much like a distant word i tot i heard before
however, i still long for warmth and love and crazy passion in my life again.. like the feeling of star dust sprinkled in the open skies and the moonlight shimmering in the glittering silver seas.. Like walking on freezing cold stormy waters.. like being dragged gliding thru the lovely medows of magnolia in crystal sunshine... picnic under the milky ways.. champagne.. clashing waves and bewitching breeze.. shooting stars and jazz playing from the heavens.
haha..
think i'm gone. think i'm crazy. think i better not think too much.
Good think i'm goin aust. need a little of e wilderness to calm me down.. 14 days of nothingness again. I could get used to it.
dun miss me when i'm gone.. i doubt you will. In that case.. dun forget me too.
Dun have the rite words to say
Dun hold the world in my hand
Wish i could fly thru the air like your hero
But i'm jus someone who loves you...
thats all i am
Dun hold the world in my hand
Wish i could fly thru the air like your hero
But i'm jus someone who loves you...
thats all i am
Monday, November 13, 2006
Heart Of The Matter
one of my favourite song. by Don Henley.
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined...
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you
Been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined...
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you
Been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Back to life
still adjusting back to life after my granny's gone.. suddenly after all those hospitals trips and funeral preparations, seems werid trying to settle back into life again.
Almost forgotten how my schedule was supposed to be. Was i supposed to be meeting someone? did i hav something to do tat i havent done yet? a little lost now especially when ppl dun inform abt events when they think that i probably not ready to go.
well.. dunno how was i supposed to respond to their "kindness". rather them not be so sensitive and let me get on with life. So many changes around.. feeling numb on so many issues.. sick and tired to keep up. But realised i dun have to. I'll jus stick to my own pace maybe. So wat's next?
Dad came back for granny's funeral. Spent quite some time at the funeral with him. Dun know if only adversities can bring my family together. Well.. appreciate the time alone together with him though.. kind of think of it.. i dun remember ever having private times jus him and me alone chatting besides when he stayed up with me during the funeral.
Feels kindda werid.. gotta admit i always had my bro as a buffer between me and my dad. The dad i knew was really thru my brother's experience with him. Guess he probably feels the same way.. knowing me from my bro.
I imagine it being quite interesting to know your son grew up into a man, slipping my whole childhood and teenage years passed him. Wonder wat he thinks of me. but honestly does it matter? Time really does washes alot of things away.. no long blame him for wat he did.. no longer bother actually. Just hope he'll steer away from shame and come back to Christ.
I know for sure he still believes in God.. he's the one who brought my mum to church. He's the one who planted the seeds of slavation in his family. But i guess its his guilt and shame oust him from our church.
After so many years he finally came back for a visit.. his old khakis all trying to grab this old friend for a chat. Cant help but wonder how my family would be different if he stayed behind and all those things didnt happen. Well.. i thank God for wat ever had happened.. for watever happened happens and couldnt have happened any other ways. ??? wat did i say? dun understand. haha. jus glad i turned out alright. Thank God for my mummy.. staying strong all these while for us. Told myself i'll nv leave my wife like he did. dun wanna miss out a single moment of my kids growing up.
well.. jus glad everything seems to be turning out alright. Thank you Jesus for this truly alternative childhood! ha. Guess it's back to camp tonight. That person that is sick and down with sorethroat(you know who u are. haha).. take care ya.. will keep ya in prayers. Remember to eat your medication if u need too ya.
nitez
Almost forgotten how my schedule was supposed to be. Was i supposed to be meeting someone? did i hav something to do tat i havent done yet? a little lost now especially when ppl dun inform abt events when they think that i probably not ready to go.
well.. dunno how was i supposed to respond to their "kindness". rather them not be so sensitive and let me get on with life. So many changes around.. feeling numb on so many issues.. sick and tired to keep up. But realised i dun have to. I'll jus stick to my own pace maybe. So wat's next?
Dad came back for granny's funeral. Spent quite some time at the funeral with him. Dun know if only adversities can bring my family together. Well.. appreciate the time alone together with him though.. kind of think of it.. i dun remember ever having private times jus him and me alone chatting besides when he stayed up with me during the funeral.
Feels kindda werid.. gotta admit i always had my bro as a buffer between me and my dad. The dad i knew was really thru my brother's experience with him. Guess he probably feels the same way.. knowing me from my bro.
I imagine it being quite interesting to know your son grew up into a man, slipping my whole childhood and teenage years passed him. Wonder wat he thinks of me. but honestly does it matter? Time really does washes alot of things away.. no long blame him for wat he did.. no longer bother actually. Just hope he'll steer away from shame and come back to Christ.
I know for sure he still believes in God.. he's the one who brought my mum to church. He's the one who planted the seeds of slavation in his family. But i guess its his guilt and shame oust him from our church.
After so many years he finally came back for a visit.. his old khakis all trying to grab this old friend for a chat. Cant help but wonder how my family would be different if he stayed behind and all those things didnt happen. Well.. i thank God for wat ever had happened.. for watever happened happens and couldnt have happened any other ways. ??? wat did i say? dun understand. haha. jus glad i turned out alright. Thank God for my mummy.. staying strong all these while for us. Told myself i'll nv leave my wife like he did. dun wanna miss out a single moment of my kids growing up.
well.. jus glad everything seems to be turning out alright. Thank you Jesus for this truly alternative childhood! ha. Guess it's back to camp tonight. That person that is sick and down with sorethroat(you know who u are. haha).. take care ya.. will keep ya in prayers. Remember to eat your medication if u need too ya.
nitez
Friday, November 10, 2006
thanks
First of all, just wanna thank everyone who helped out at my granny's funeral..especially jy, vincent, xav, phoebe, guoqing, gemi, lester,prudence... i know i'm missing some ppl.. so if i did, please forgive me. Even those who came and sent your condolences. On behalf of my family.. i extent my heart felt thanks to all of you.
been a terrible 2 weeks.. wai po (my granny) passed away on monday afternoon, 5:27pm at SGH. Long story about the whole process and i dun know where to start.. but really learnt and saw thru alot for the past 2 weeks.
For one.. i witnessed my granny die before me.. and the process was more than memorable. Her heart beat jus slowing little by little... called in by the nurses to see her for the last time. stood there watching her fade away.. while there's nothing we can do but watch her slip into a flat line. Machines piped into her from all over.. sustaining her dear life so mechanically . but yet.. death never seemed so certain before.
Well well.. death is one thing.. life is another. Only thru losing someone dear that i truly understand the joy of our believe. Believing that granny is truly in a better place.. with God right now. How His consolation washes my tears away. i cried in the ICU before she passed away.. i was crying for my living granny.. after she passed away.. i havent had to cry. Kept feeling this peace and joy and relief for my granny.. ever so sure of her salvation.
Thank God for saving her in her old age.
not gonna carry on here.. lots of things to say.. but i'm too tired go on. Collecting her ashes tml morning.. i better get some sleep. i'll keep posting soon.
been a terrible 2 weeks.. wai po (my granny) passed away on monday afternoon, 5:27pm at SGH. Long story about the whole process and i dun know where to start.. but really learnt and saw thru alot for the past 2 weeks.
For one.. i witnessed my granny die before me.. and the process was more than memorable. Her heart beat jus slowing little by little... called in by the nurses to see her for the last time. stood there watching her fade away.. while there's nothing we can do but watch her slip into a flat line. Machines piped into her from all over.. sustaining her dear life so mechanically . but yet.. death never seemed so certain before.
Well well.. death is one thing.. life is another. Only thru losing someone dear that i truly understand the joy of our believe. Believing that granny is truly in a better place.. with God right now. How His consolation washes my tears away. i cried in the ICU before she passed away.. i was crying for my living granny.. after she passed away.. i havent had to cry. Kept feeling this peace and joy and relief for my granny.. ever so sure of her salvation.
Thank God for saving her in her old age.
not gonna carry on here.. lots of things to say.. but i'm too tired go on. Collecting her ashes tml morning.. i better get some sleep. i'll keep posting soon.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Lost it..
times like this i feel so dry.. cant seem to squeeze much out of my life. Makes me feel so dead and lifeless when there are actually so much goin on here. lost my keen eye on life and its little details.. lost the will to take time to smell the roses.. lost the heart to appreciate things around me.
Many interesting things happened in my life recently.. jus dun bother mentioning.. dun know why.. sudden lost the words i suppose. Even took up dance lessons to try freshen things up.. still not working so far. Argh.. i need to find some things to do to excite me again.. but sometimes i feel its really the company that really perks me up. Nope.. not tat the company for the things i'm doin really bores me.. but there's just something missing. this feeling that i'm longing for more.
Wat am i looking for? I really dun know. I know i've got all i need.. but i want something more.
Many interesting things happened in my life recently.. jus dun bother mentioning.. dun know why.. sudden lost the words i suppose. Even took up dance lessons to try freshen things up.. still not working so far. Argh.. i need to find some things to do to excite me again.. but sometimes i feel its really the company that really perks me up. Nope.. not tat the company for the things i'm doin really bores me.. but there's just something missing. this feeling that i'm longing for more.
Wat am i looking for? I really dun know. I know i've got all i need.. but i want something more.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Looking forward to you
Is there a time of the day that you're looking forward to? i jus realised i do.
it's really a wonder how it hit me.. now that i'm waiting for it everyday. Now it marks the end of my day.. usually with a smile of cos.
I dun know when it started.. a simple msg.. a gentle gesture.. some genuine concern. been so long since then.. now i can hardly sleep without it.
i guess you dun know it.. (do you?) or maybe you're not sure, like me.. too. Watever the case.. i guess it true.. i'm looking forward to you.
i'm smiling myself silly.. i'm laughing at myself sometimes. One thing for sure.. u sure make my day.. any day. Its amazing how u do it. feels familar.. but so fresh this time round.
So do i hav a favorite time of the day? i'd have to say.. indeed i do.. Ever since you crossed my world.. i'm looking forward to you.
it's really a wonder how it hit me.. now that i'm waiting for it everyday. Now it marks the end of my day.. usually with a smile of cos.
I dun know when it started.. a simple msg.. a gentle gesture.. some genuine concern. been so long since then.. now i can hardly sleep without it.
i guess you dun know it.. (do you?) or maybe you're not sure, like me.. too. Watever the case.. i guess it true.. i'm looking forward to you.
i'm smiling myself silly.. i'm laughing at myself sometimes. One thing for sure.. u sure make my day.. any day. Its amazing how u do it. feels familar.. but so fresh this time round.
So do i hav a favorite time of the day? i'd have to say.. indeed i do.. Ever since you crossed my world.. i'm looking forward to you.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Unfeeling show.. unfeeling me
back from the movies.. went with a whole bunch of them.. wanted it to be a quieter affair but 10 of us went anyway.. Caught World Trade Center at VivoCity after much protest and debates and of cos comments from ppl telling me its not a nice show. ha. well.. then show wasnt too bad afterall.
one thing is i somehow couldnt get into the movie as much a i wanted to.. my mind kept wondering. feeling so detached from the show. Further more.. was sitting on the very first row.. my neck was stiff as wood!
well well.. nothing much to say about the movie.. hardly feel for it.. hardly feel for anything things lately. Hardly..very hard indeed. Not as sensitive and emotional as before as when everything seems to excite or engage me so easily. I really need a good laugh or a good cry.. or something extreme to excite my senses again. All i can manage now is a smile.. or at max a tear. i could see the point.. the values.. but thats about it. Thats all i could see.. nothing much i could relate. so distant.
Having some misunderstanding with a frien recently.. not sure if misunderstanding is the right word to use cos i hardly understand his situation myself.. hope everything is alright. dun know wat to say to him as well. so i shall keep silent. pray tat God takes over the situation. thats all i'm entitled to do i guess.
one thing is i somehow couldnt get into the movie as much a i wanted to.. my mind kept wondering. feeling so detached from the show. Further more.. was sitting on the very first row.. my neck was stiff as wood!
well well.. nothing much to say about the movie.. hardly feel for it.. hardly feel for anything things lately. Hardly..very hard indeed. Not as sensitive and emotional as before as when everything seems to excite or engage me so easily. I really need a good laugh or a good cry.. or something extreme to excite my senses again. All i can manage now is a smile.. or at max a tear. i could see the point.. the values.. but thats about it. Thats all i could see.. nothing much i could relate. so distant.
Having some misunderstanding with a frien recently.. not sure if misunderstanding is the right word to use cos i hardly understand his situation myself.. hope everything is alright. dun know wat to say to him as well. so i shall keep silent. pray tat God takes over the situation. thats all i'm entitled to do i guess.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Thank God for it.. Thank God it's over
I'm so tired.. Thank God it's over! *Phew!
was really quite amazing tonight.. finally the mid autumn festival gig we were supposed to day. Had butterflies in my stomach all day! ppl teasing me and CONSTANTLY reminding me of the performance the whole day! Oh man.. that sure added to the mounting pressure thats already there.
the evening was rather wet.. but thank God it didnt rain. the turn out was quite healthy for a community event.. (think there were at least 3 to 5hundred ppl there) Well.. at first the crowd was pretty dead. was getting worried i wouldnt get a response from the audience or maybe our item wouldnt strike a chord with them. Nothing much i could do either.. so decided to go on the lantern walk with the kids to destress! haha.
grabbed Tabael with his choo choo train lantern and started running after Jojo! hee.. dead tired when i came back.. couldnt keep up with a 4yr old's pace. haha
finally.. when it's time for us to go on stage.. my heart's nearly in my mouth.. all i remembered was i went up and blabbered some rubbish.. then on i go with my song.. haha. THe band was great.. warmed up the whole crowd. I saw life shot thru the audience.. aunties started singing.. arms waving.. and of cos.. my pillar of support from my beloved church behind the crowd.
God has been good.. fumbled on the lyrics a couple of times. (hope nobody noticed.. hee) but the overall response was very encouraging. My first public performance.. and i'm glad God pulled us thru so well.
was really quite amazing tonight.. finally the mid autumn festival gig we were supposed to day. Had butterflies in my stomach all day! ppl teasing me and CONSTANTLY reminding me of the performance the whole day! Oh man.. that sure added to the mounting pressure thats already there.
the evening was rather wet.. but thank God it didnt rain. the turn out was quite healthy for a community event.. (think there were at least 3 to 5hundred ppl there) Well.. at first the crowd was pretty dead. was getting worried i wouldnt get a response from the audience or maybe our item wouldnt strike a chord with them. Nothing much i could do either.. so decided to go on the lantern walk with the kids to destress! haha.
grabbed Tabael with his choo choo train lantern and started running after Jojo! hee.. dead tired when i came back.. couldnt keep up with a 4yr old's pace. haha
finally.. when it's time for us to go on stage.. my heart's nearly in my mouth.. all i remembered was i went up and blabbered some rubbish.. then on i go with my song.. haha. THe band was great.. warmed up the whole crowd. I saw life shot thru the audience.. aunties started singing.. arms waving.. and of cos.. my pillar of support from my beloved church behind the crowd.
God has been good.. fumbled on the lyrics a couple of times. (hope nobody noticed.. hee) but the overall response was very encouraging. My first public performance.. and i'm glad God pulled us thru so well.
Recieved an encore after our 2 songs.. think they jus wanted to drag some time but we definately at a lost cos we really didnt prepare for an encore. Talk to the band and we decided to do Yun Shang Tai Yang(Sun beyond the Clouds) for the encore. Honestly, i was quite worried about he reception.. cos it's a Christian song.. but God had His ways. He planned that song as a blessing and a testimony for the community. Everything turned out beautiful.. our church ppl worshiping in the crowds. jus like wat wenxing and i imagined. starting to enjoy myself on stage. hee
Dr Fatimah(MP for Marine Parade GRC) asked for Paul and me after the event.. so we went to hav a chat with her.. think she was rather impressed and was asking if we were interested to participate in more of those coummunity events in the future. haha. God opened a way for His purpose to shine thru. We agreed to lend our talents if they ever needed and there she goes rushing on stage for the lucky draw. hah.
wat a day.. wat a day. Thank God for it.. Thank God it's over. Glory be to God. :)
well..
Friday, September 29, 2006
So what will it be?
read an interesting passage today. It goes something like this :
"A particular song hinges on the words: "If I never loved, I never would have cried." It's all about protecting oneself from being hurt by removing oneself from what one perceives to be the source of the pain. I think we can all understand these feelings having been hurt by relationships and finding, even for a season, a certain consolation in being alone. But I think we also would agree that isolation is never the answer to this kind of pain. To love anyone is to be vulnerable and open to being hurt. Love and pain go together, and the only true answer to this dilemma is to welcome them both.
Love costs. Think of what Christ paid when he embraced us. Think of the pain the Son of Man endured in loving a lost and wayward humanity. Love is never without pain. When you sign on to a relationship, you sign on to being hurt. Count on it. But who wants the other option?
C.S. Lewis once wrote about a place where one can be free from the "perturbations" of love. (Perturbation, by the way, is the state of being perturbed.) That place is one's coffin. Can't argue with that. Nothing can get through to you there. So Simon and Garfunkel and C.S. Lewis agree: There is a place you can be safe from the painful aspects of being in a relationship with others, but who wants it?
What would make Christ go through what he went through for us? Love and all the rewards it brings in warmth, companionship, fellowship, and joy. Nothing brings more meaning to life than love. True love is what God is and what we were made to know with him and with each other. Because of what Christ accomplished on the cross, the pain of love will one day be gone. And even now, we can experience its victory.
So what will it be? The high cost and vulnerability of love or the loneliness of isolation? A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries. But a son or a daughter knows a warm place in the family of God.
It's important to know your options. "
"A particular song hinges on the words: "If I never loved, I never would have cried." It's all about protecting oneself from being hurt by removing oneself from what one perceives to be the source of the pain. I think we can all understand these feelings having been hurt by relationships and finding, even for a season, a certain consolation in being alone. But I think we also would agree that isolation is never the answer to this kind of pain. To love anyone is to be vulnerable and open to being hurt. Love and pain go together, and the only true answer to this dilemma is to welcome them both.
Love costs. Think of what Christ paid when he embraced us. Think of the pain the Son of Man endured in loving a lost and wayward humanity. Love is never without pain. When you sign on to a relationship, you sign on to being hurt. Count on it. But who wants the other option?
C.S. Lewis once wrote about a place where one can be free from the "perturbations" of love. (Perturbation, by the way, is the state of being perturbed.) That place is one's coffin. Can't argue with that. Nothing can get through to you there. So Simon and Garfunkel and C.S. Lewis agree: There is a place you can be safe from the painful aspects of being in a relationship with others, but who wants it?
What would make Christ go through what he went through for us? Love and all the rewards it brings in warmth, companionship, fellowship, and joy. Nothing brings more meaning to life than love. True love is what God is and what we were made to know with him and with each other. Because of what Christ accomplished on the cross, the pain of love will one day be gone. And even now, we can experience its victory.
So what will it be? The high cost and vulnerability of love or the loneliness of isolation? A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries. But a son or a daughter knows a warm place in the family of God.
It's important to know your options. "
Seldom eat brownies.. always thought it's a little sweet.
But it's different this time.
It's still sweet.
But this time.. it tasted jus rite.
hmmm.. i wonder why.
Thanks
i know u didnt make it.. but it didnt matter..
cos i know i wasnt really tasting "it" either. ha
alright alright... i must admit.. I'm bias. Anything from you is good. :P
thanks. :)
Jiayou eh.. 11days more! hang in there ya!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
a different level
well well well... sunday night again.
recorded 2 songs in church today while practicing for the community event next sat. singing 2 oldies-- Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin(The moon represents my heart) and Wo Zhi Zai Hu Ni(I only care for you).
not as fruitful as last week though.. could tell some of the band members seemed quite bothered with other stuff. well.. we managed anywae. Ppl were telling me to be more commanding during the prac.. but i realised this isnt my time. It's a youth initiative and i've been approached to lend my vocals.. so thats it.. let then sort things out themselves then.
but still.. the recording was interesting. Listening to myself on record.. judging myself. Even now as i'm typing.. the 2 songs are on repeat. haha. Cant stand it.. hearing all the embrassing flaws. think i need to work on my pronounciation and cut that irritating vibration thingie.. ha. used to think it was interesting havin the tone vibrate.. but it totally sucks when it's out of control. Worst thing is that i'm so used to it now.. oh man.
singing for me has come to a different level now.. nope.. not a higher level.. jus a different one. Guess i reached a point to realise that there's nothing special about my vocals and there really is not much more to improve.. and again.. Nope.. not becos i'm too good.. but becos my vocals are apparantly not too good for singing. But still.. thank God for this wonderful gift of passion for singing! Good that i realise that i wasnt born a singer.. which means.. doin without the talent portion.. i gotta work harder to sing smart.. to master within my limited range instead. thats the different level that i was talkin about. If i can only play one piece on the piano.. i wanna make sure that one piece is really good! : )
well.. havin said all that... i must admit i'm no where near anywhere. I'll keep practicing though. Someday this voice will touch someone somehow.. so help me God.
back to bed.. yawn.
recorded 2 songs in church today while practicing for the community event next sat. singing 2 oldies-- Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin(The moon represents my heart) and Wo Zhi Zai Hu Ni(I only care for you).
not as fruitful as last week though.. could tell some of the band members seemed quite bothered with other stuff. well.. we managed anywae. Ppl were telling me to be more commanding during the prac.. but i realised this isnt my time. It's a youth initiative and i've been approached to lend my vocals.. so thats it.. let then sort things out themselves then.
but still.. the recording was interesting. Listening to myself on record.. judging myself. Even now as i'm typing.. the 2 songs are on repeat. haha. Cant stand it.. hearing all the embrassing flaws. think i need to work on my pronounciation and cut that irritating vibration thingie.. ha. used to think it was interesting havin the tone vibrate.. but it totally sucks when it's out of control. Worst thing is that i'm so used to it now.. oh man.
singing for me has come to a different level now.. nope.. not a higher level.. jus a different one. Guess i reached a point to realise that there's nothing special about my vocals and there really is not much more to improve.. and again.. Nope.. not becos i'm too good.. but becos my vocals are apparantly not too good for singing. But still.. thank God for this wonderful gift of passion for singing! Good that i realise that i wasnt born a singer.. which means.. doin without the talent portion.. i gotta work harder to sing smart.. to master within my limited range instead. thats the different level that i was talkin about. If i can only play one piece on the piano.. i wanna make sure that one piece is really good! : )
well.. havin said all that... i must admit i'm no where near anywhere. I'll keep practicing though. Someday this voice will touch someone somehow.. so help me God.
30th Sept.. Joo Seng.. evening.. songs and moonlight... jus for you.
back to bed.. yawn.
Monday, September 18, 2006
MC! :x
On MC today..mild food posioning it seems. Slept in till 11. (dun be jealous grace. :P)hee. long time since i had that much of sleep.
yesterday was terrible.. feeling cold and aching all over.. tummy wasnt feeling well.. feverish and a little short of breath. All i knew was that i was leading worship in the morning.. prayed really hard.. hope i wont collapes on stage. ha.
God was good... He held me up when i was on stage.. couldnt feel my weakness during worship except that i perspired alot more than usual. But the moment i stepped down.. my whole body gave way.. had a good nap though out the sermon.. (oops. ;p). feel alot better after that. but still.. i was dragging my body around.
Got 2 new Jap friends in church today.. they attending a language sch in sg and came to our cell on sat night. well... not much ppl attending to them so xav and i was chatting with them during lunch time. to be honest.. it was a little tiring to do so.. felt like i was entertaining them.. cos i know at that moment i'd rather rest in some corner in church than be at the hot and stuffy coffee shop trying not to show my weariness, trying to commute in our semi english-jap conversation. Any other day would be fine.. jus not today.. not now.. i looked around.. everyone in their own little world.. well then. If everyone seems like tat.. it could only be that its me that is in MY own little world again. ha.
well.. guilty enough that my friends hav to cover for my work today.. goin back to camp soon. feelin much better now. Well.. think i better buy some supper back for them to apologise tonight.
alot of counting down recently.. exams and deadlines.. As for me.. i'm counting down to my wallaby trip.. dreading it more and more.. but then again. hmmm.. wat can i do about it. Gonna bring some sand back at least. the only thing i'm looking forward to. haha
yesterday was terrible.. feeling cold and aching all over.. tummy wasnt feeling well.. feverish and a little short of breath. All i knew was that i was leading worship in the morning.. prayed really hard.. hope i wont collapes on stage. ha.
God was good... He held me up when i was on stage.. couldnt feel my weakness during worship except that i perspired alot more than usual. But the moment i stepped down.. my whole body gave way.. had a good nap though out the sermon.. (oops. ;p). feel alot better after that. but still.. i was dragging my body around.
Got 2 new Jap friends in church today.. they attending a language sch in sg and came to our cell on sat night. well... not much ppl attending to them so xav and i was chatting with them during lunch time. to be honest.. it was a little tiring to do so.. felt like i was entertaining them.. cos i know at that moment i'd rather rest in some corner in church than be at the hot and stuffy coffee shop trying not to show my weariness, trying to commute in our semi english-jap conversation. Any other day would be fine.. jus not today.. not now.. i looked around.. everyone in their own little world.. well then. If everyone seems like tat.. it could only be that its me that is in MY own little world again. ha.
well.. guilty enough that my friends hav to cover for my work today.. goin back to camp soon. feelin much better now. Well.. think i better buy some supper back for them to apologise tonight.
alot of counting down recently.. exams and deadlines.. As for me.. i'm counting down to my wallaby trip.. dreading it more and more.. but then again. hmmm.. wat can i do about it. Gonna bring some sand back at least. the only thing i'm looking forward to. haha
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Back From Malaysia
haiz.. vcd couldnt work.. wanted to watch "Il mare" since i took 2days of leave. but the show i borrowed from xav jus wont play.. irritated.. but well.. spared me some time to do other things as well.
anywae.. Il mare is the original korean version of LakeHouse. i watched it on tv before but that was like at least a good 4-5 years back.. can hardly remember the details already.. finally hav the time and the disc but it jus wont play.. argh.
Anywae.. came back from malaysia over the weekend on a short mission trip with the youth of my church. Quite an eye opener for me as i can hardly imagine that the ground could be so hard and so thirsty. More than ever that i saw that wat ai qiu jie was doin there was more than necessary. Cant imagine how dissappointed and reluctant i was when we went doin street evangelism door to door. Doors slammed and dogs let lose.. not an uncommon sight. but thats jus the adults. On the other hand.. the youth are really curious and thirsty to know about this God we're talking abt. But they are simply so shy and reluctant even though they're interested.
Went streetE on the streets instead.. much more fruitful there.. shared 316 with them in chinese.. fumble and stuttered the first time.. but God was gracious.. didnt make me lose face.. haha. My faith and confidence grew as we kept trying.. encouraged by Grace(liyun) who was right on the other side of the street. I realised 316 is an opener and there's so much more to share with them.. and that u've gotta speak their language.
Learnt it best from Brother Huang from Ai Qiu jie's church. Amazed at how he captured the attention of the few young gansters speaking of the topics of their interest and how he came right back to Christ! so simple and effective.. had my chance to evangelize to some of those gangsters.. and really had a tought time keeping their attention while the others of his friends circling us in motocycles laughing at us. But u could tell the 2 of them we so intrigued when i told them that death is not the end of the road of life. intimedated by his friends.. had no chance to pray with them. Invited them for the event. But end up one of them too shy to come. saw him outside the church but was too late to call him in. looking from a distant, he rode away the moment he saw anyone coming his way. I pray God will bless him all the same though.
the youths are so receptive that i did the sinner's prayer with quite some of them rite on the streets.. we were so fired up tat we preached to anyone we saw on the streets.. and God is good!
But one embaressing thing is when i saw this girl who slipped pass ted on the streets.. i came up to her and asked her for 5mins of her time.. the next moment she went shouting " JIU MING AH(HELP!!)!!!" and ran away. haha. i was laughing at myself.. thing the whole church was laughing when i told them. well well.. what did i do man. can be i look tat scary can i?
in between.. we had practices for the evangelistic event on sunday nite.. i planned some songs to "present" as they say we should tone down alittle. but i know for sure it's worship for us all. had this short skit as well before mushi's call. managed to squeeze in some games .. wait.. no.. its silly games in between.. haha. doin some posture of animals.. but really fun.. everyone making fun of Grace's signature move during the July's skit. ha. poor grace.. her whole face was red when we all did the the action for photo taking. whahah. somemore they all very bad keep targeting Grace in the game cos her LuoHan fish posture too easy le. haha. (*who told you to chose so easy posture!haha):P
Had lots of good food there as well.. lots of ppl treating us.. eating on a bugdget that never seemed to deplete. haha. first time trying banana prata by Grace's introduction... cutted open the prata and some stuff flowed out of it.. tot i was oil.. a little disgusted by it at first.. but realised it's not oil but melted banana in the prata!!!! wow.. give it a bite and it was really great! haha. think really need to go on diet man.
the ppl over there also got us deserts and liang char( cooling tea) to drink.. it was too much for the mere 15 of us.. and someone made me drink so many bowls! :x haha. super bloated. was telling them i'll turn into the merlion vomiting if i drink anymore. haha.
well.. on the night of the event.. everything went well..as usual.. i'd stumble with words on stage.. good thing God is always in control. Liyun ROCKS! turned the skit around. simple stunning on stage with her stand up comedian talents that totally went out of the script.hah. i was laughing my head off. thanks to her.. the audience was very much more involved. Many of them accepted Christ during the call and alot of us was supposed to do "Pei tan". i came down from stage a little later.. so i saw most of them already entertained.. then i saw this group of 6 guy standing around.
tot there must be at least one of them there who accept Christ.. so went over and ask. i asked," hi guys, so did anyone of you put up your hands jus now?" all looked at me and shook. i was like... oops. haha. i was expecting to speak to the one who accepted only. but God had other plans. they happened to be part of the more beng group.. but God give me the courage to push a little further. I told them since they havent decided.. i asked if i could share with them for one last time. THank God they all obliged! Got them seated on the floor and grabbed a copy of the 316 file.. shared with them again.. told them where they were standing at the crossroad where their choice is clear.
they all listened intently.. i was getting nervous and excited.. i didnt lead them to do the sinner's prayer immediately.. i shared with them a short testimony of how i questioned God and got a fulfilling reply in peace and joy in my life! then i asked if they believe a little in wat i believed. they nodded. Asked if they willing to accept Christ and they all smilingly agreed. Thank God. felt the group was too big.. so i asked sunny to lead half of them in the sinner's prayer while i led the other 3.
after the prayer.. felt a strong prompting to tell them something very honest. i told them that we'd only be here for this event.. and we wont know if they're coming back to church after tat.. but i told them to promise me that even if they left church they'll pray to Jesus in times of trouble and joys. Taught them to pray a simple prayer. tats all i can leave with them. I could feel their appreciation. i hope they felt more than tat. Felt really great reaching out to them!
i turned around.. saw the Lims at work. haha. Ted was busy taking photos with his legion of female fans while Grace was the last group still left in the church still chatting up.. saw her from afar trying to answer those little girl's questions with her chinese.. haha. wished i had my video cam. but the girls was still intently listening to her.. so tats a good thing.ha * Grace your chinese not too bad eh.hah. jiayou k.. send u to china to evangelize next! ha)
God is good.. had my doubts for my reason to help out there.. tot i was running away from something. but turned out not. God planned it all. Thank God i went. Opened my eyes.
SOme of them goin back this fri to help out.. but i cant make it..so sorry. Well.. back to the dreadful reality for me. But i guess i've got another mission now.
long post.. sleepy eyes.. good night :)
anywae.. Il mare is the original korean version of LakeHouse. i watched it on tv before but that was like at least a good 4-5 years back.. can hardly remember the details already.. finally hav the time and the disc but it jus wont play.. argh.
Anywae.. came back from malaysia over the weekend on a short mission trip with the youth of my church. Quite an eye opener for me as i can hardly imagine that the ground could be so hard and so thirsty. More than ever that i saw that wat ai qiu jie was doin there was more than necessary. Cant imagine how dissappointed and reluctant i was when we went doin street evangelism door to door. Doors slammed and dogs let lose.. not an uncommon sight. but thats jus the adults. On the other hand.. the youth are really curious and thirsty to know about this God we're talking abt. But they are simply so shy and reluctant even though they're interested.
Went streetE on the streets instead.. much more fruitful there.. shared 316 with them in chinese.. fumble and stuttered the first time.. but God was gracious.. didnt make me lose face.. haha. My faith and confidence grew as we kept trying.. encouraged by Grace(liyun) who was right on the other side of the street. I realised 316 is an opener and there's so much more to share with them.. and that u've gotta speak their language.
Learnt it best from Brother Huang from Ai Qiu jie's church. Amazed at how he captured the attention of the few young gansters speaking of the topics of their interest and how he came right back to Christ! so simple and effective.. had my chance to evangelize to some of those gangsters.. and really had a tought time keeping their attention while the others of his friends circling us in motocycles laughing at us. But u could tell the 2 of them we so intrigued when i told them that death is not the end of the road of life. intimedated by his friends.. had no chance to pray with them. Invited them for the event. But end up one of them too shy to come. saw him outside the church but was too late to call him in. looking from a distant, he rode away the moment he saw anyone coming his way. I pray God will bless him all the same though.
the youths are so receptive that i did the sinner's prayer with quite some of them rite on the streets.. we were so fired up tat we preached to anyone we saw on the streets.. and God is good!
But one embaressing thing is when i saw this girl who slipped pass ted on the streets.. i came up to her and asked her for 5mins of her time.. the next moment she went shouting " JIU MING AH(HELP!!)!!!" and ran away. haha. i was laughing at myself.. thing the whole church was laughing when i told them. well well.. what did i do man. can be i look tat scary can i?
in between.. we had practices for the evangelistic event on sunday nite.. i planned some songs to "present" as they say we should tone down alittle. but i know for sure it's worship for us all. had this short skit as well before mushi's call. managed to squeeze in some games .. wait.. no.. its silly games in between.. haha. doin some posture of animals.. but really fun.. everyone making fun of Grace's signature move during the July's skit. ha. poor grace.. her whole face was red when we all did the the action for photo taking. whahah. somemore they all very bad keep targeting Grace in the game cos her LuoHan fish posture too easy le. haha. (*who told you to chose so easy posture!haha):P
Had lots of good food there as well.. lots of ppl treating us.. eating on a bugdget that never seemed to deplete. haha. first time trying banana prata by Grace's introduction... cutted open the prata and some stuff flowed out of it.. tot i was oil.. a little disgusted by it at first.. but realised it's not oil but melted banana in the prata!!!! wow.. give it a bite and it was really great! haha. think really need to go on diet man.
the ppl over there also got us deserts and liang char( cooling tea) to drink.. it was too much for the mere 15 of us.. and someone made me drink so many bowls! :x haha. super bloated. was telling them i'll turn into the merlion vomiting if i drink anymore. haha.
well.. on the night of the event.. everything went well..as usual.. i'd stumble with words on stage.. good thing God is always in control. Liyun ROCKS! turned the skit around. simple stunning on stage with her stand up comedian talents that totally went out of the script.hah. i was laughing my head off. thanks to her.. the audience was very much more involved. Many of them accepted Christ during the call and alot of us was supposed to do "Pei tan". i came down from stage a little later.. so i saw most of them already entertained.. then i saw this group of 6 guy standing around.
tot there must be at least one of them there who accept Christ.. so went over and ask. i asked," hi guys, so did anyone of you put up your hands jus now?" all looked at me and shook. i was like... oops. haha. i was expecting to speak to the one who accepted only. but God had other plans. they happened to be part of the more beng group.. but God give me the courage to push a little further. I told them since they havent decided.. i asked if i could share with them for one last time. THank God they all obliged! Got them seated on the floor and grabbed a copy of the 316 file.. shared with them again.. told them where they were standing at the crossroad where their choice is clear.
they all listened intently.. i was getting nervous and excited.. i didnt lead them to do the sinner's prayer immediately.. i shared with them a short testimony of how i questioned God and got a fulfilling reply in peace and joy in my life! then i asked if they believe a little in wat i believed. they nodded. Asked if they willing to accept Christ and they all smilingly agreed. Thank God. felt the group was too big.. so i asked sunny to lead half of them in the sinner's prayer while i led the other 3.
after the prayer.. felt a strong prompting to tell them something very honest. i told them that we'd only be here for this event.. and we wont know if they're coming back to church after tat.. but i told them to promise me that even if they left church they'll pray to Jesus in times of trouble and joys. Taught them to pray a simple prayer. tats all i can leave with them. I could feel their appreciation. i hope they felt more than tat. Felt really great reaching out to them!
i turned around.. saw the Lims at work. haha. Ted was busy taking photos with his legion of female fans while Grace was the last group still left in the church still chatting up.. saw her from afar trying to answer those little girl's questions with her chinese.. haha. wished i had my video cam. but the girls was still intently listening to her.. so tats a good thing.ha * Grace your chinese not too bad eh.hah. jiayou k.. send u to china to evangelize next! ha)
God is good.. had my doubts for my reason to help out there.. tot i was running away from something. but turned out not. God planned it all. Thank God i went. Opened my eyes.
SOme of them goin back this fri to help out.. but i cant make it..so sorry. Well.. back to the dreadful reality for me. But i guess i've got another mission now.
long post.. sleepy eyes.. good night :)
Sunday, August 13, 2006
9 August-national day.. a day our proud nation flunts of it's little achievements to the world! and do i feel a part of it? of cos i do.. realised that however little i'm involved in this year's parade or any nationalistic events.. my absence didnt translate to a dip in my nationalism.
knowingly or not.. i've been talkin to my men and specialist in camp about the need for a conscript army and how everyone holds this piece of land together for a purpose. Service to the republic is not a matter of choice but a matter of surviability. It aint gonna be comfortable..and some ppl feels its a waste of time.. no one every liked their freedom taken away. but still.. it's necessary.
everytime i talk about this topic.. this sense of nationalism rises within me! haha.. i'm laughing at myself. well i do get a kick everytime i get an audience for a topic like this. think the last time i was talking abt nationalism was with this NSF of mine who was very negative about National Service. i was jus casually talking to him and the next moment i had a small crowd of 6 ppl before me..haha.
Deep inside.. i know for sure that this country is sound.. from the political point of view.. to the military point of view.. and most certainly so in the Christian point of view.. so wats not to be proud of this national day?
spent tat day in a different fashion this year.. went blading at east coast in the afternoon with grace and eda! ha.. think it's at least 5-6 years since i last bladed.. and poor somebody.. can skate but cant brake. had to grab lamp post to brake. hee. sorry baby! got so many brusies..especially on your.... ha. poor thing. glad your bruise getting better.. if not i really starting to feel guilty le.ha
so long since i last skate.. totally washed out after it.. made my way to town for dinner and rushed down to kallang hoping to catch a glimps of the fireworks for the national day parade.
settle outside the people's association's gate and found a "cosy" spot to jus sit around, chatting and watching the sky light up in flames and sparkles!hee.
long time since i did anything like tat.. location wasnt perfect.. but the companion was fantastic! thanks. long trip home.. didnt mind.. didnt hav much to do anywae. Long since i had anyday even close to this one.
more than nationalism.. much more than that to make it this fun.
knowingly or not.. i've been talkin to my men and specialist in camp about the need for a conscript army and how everyone holds this piece of land together for a purpose. Service to the republic is not a matter of choice but a matter of surviability. It aint gonna be comfortable..and some ppl feels its a waste of time.. no one every liked their freedom taken away. but still.. it's necessary.
everytime i talk about this topic.. this sense of nationalism rises within me! haha.. i'm laughing at myself. well i do get a kick everytime i get an audience for a topic like this. think the last time i was talking abt nationalism was with this NSF of mine who was very negative about National Service. i was jus casually talking to him and the next moment i had a small crowd of 6 ppl before me..haha.
Deep inside.. i know for sure that this country is sound.. from the political point of view.. to the military point of view.. and most certainly so in the Christian point of view.. so wats not to be proud of this national day?
spent tat day in a different fashion this year.. went blading at east coast in the afternoon with grace and eda! ha.. think it's at least 5-6 years since i last bladed.. and poor somebody.. can skate but cant brake. had to grab lamp post to brake. hee. sorry baby! got so many brusies..especially on your.... ha. poor thing. glad your bruise getting better.. if not i really starting to feel guilty le.ha
so long since i last skate.. totally washed out after it.. made my way to town for dinner and rushed down to kallang hoping to catch a glimps of the fireworks for the national day parade.
settle outside the people's association's gate and found a "cosy" spot to jus sit around, chatting and watching the sky light up in flames and sparkles!hee.
long time since i did anything like tat.. location wasnt perfect.. but the companion was fantastic! thanks. long trip home.. didnt mind.. didnt hav much to do anywae. Long since i had anyday even close to this one.
more than nationalism.. much more than that to make it this fun.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
stars are fading
it's 3 am in the morning.. i'm dead tired.. i've got an early appointment tml morning.. going roller blading in the afternoon with grace and eda.. got programs planned at night as well.. then again.. wat am i doin here!?! I ought to be on my bed sleeping isnt it?
cant seem to dive into my bed for cover tonight.. tired as i am.. i really dun feel like sleeping. funny why ppl are asking me if everything's alright. Is anything supposed to be wrong? Or is it my msn nick? it's really jus part of a lyrics again.. sad as it might sound.. it's really quite positive to me.. stars fading and i stayed behind.. this sense of silent resilence.. like a shoot sticking out on a mud flat after a slide. How ppl interpret it is really a matter of their current emotive mindsets. Doesnt matter anyway... i know i love the mental picture of the sentence.
i remember a time when i was caught in a position of ironic confessions of a close friend who told me of his romantic preference, which sort of conflicted with mine. Only that my interest was covert. I know not wat was expected of me to perform.. friends on one side.. love on another. hate that feeling. but it was all over. thank God. we both didnt get the girl. haha.
wat now? i see a glimps of wats to come.. a shadow of the past. but this time it's different. i'm laughing. laughing at how i manage to make it happen again. Laughing at how it is affecting me to the point that i can hardly sleep. laughing at the consequences to losing someone dear again. Ha.
stop talkin to me will ya. somethings i really dun need to know. Stop making me feel obliged to give it up when i havent even tried.. stop making me feel like i have to make adjustments becos you spoke.. stop making me feel u know something but yet you're jus waiting for me to say it instead. Stop making me feel like i did something wrong to you. i know it's not your fault and u probably didnt mean it. but i cant help it either.
all i wanna do now is sleep and not feel guilty.. wake up and not feel like i cheated. Thats all.. it's not a game.. it's not a match.. it definately is not a war.. and sometimes it isnt fair.. but the stakes seemed so high.. so simple.. and so delicate. how did i get in the picture? i'm sorry.
dunno know i i got here.. jus let my finger slap the keys.. nothing much more to say.. ciaoz
cant seem to dive into my bed for cover tonight.. tired as i am.. i really dun feel like sleeping. funny why ppl are asking me if everything's alright. Is anything supposed to be wrong? Or is it my msn nick? it's really jus part of a lyrics again.. sad as it might sound.. it's really quite positive to me.. stars fading and i stayed behind.. this sense of silent resilence.. like a shoot sticking out on a mud flat after a slide. How ppl interpret it is really a matter of their current emotive mindsets. Doesnt matter anyway... i know i love the mental picture of the sentence.
i remember a time when i was caught in a position of ironic confessions of a close friend who told me of his romantic preference, which sort of conflicted with mine. Only that my interest was covert. I know not wat was expected of me to perform.. friends on one side.. love on another. hate that feeling. but it was all over. thank God. we both didnt get the girl. haha.
wat now? i see a glimps of wats to come.. a shadow of the past. but this time it's different. i'm laughing. laughing at how i manage to make it happen again. Laughing at how it is affecting me to the point that i can hardly sleep. laughing at the consequences to losing someone dear again. Ha.
stop talkin to me will ya. somethings i really dun need to know. Stop making me feel obliged to give it up when i havent even tried.. stop making me feel like i have to make adjustments becos you spoke.. stop making me feel u know something but yet you're jus waiting for me to say it instead. Stop making me feel like i did something wrong to you. i know it's not your fault and u probably didnt mean it. but i cant help it either.
all i wanna do now is sleep and not feel guilty.. wake up and not feel like i cheated. Thats all.. it's not a game.. it's not a match.. it definately is not a war.. and sometimes it isnt fair.. but the stakes seemed so high.. so simple.. and so delicate. how did i get in the picture? i'm sorry.
dunno know i i got here.. jus let my finger slap the keys.. nothing much more to say.. ciaoz
Friday, July 28, 2006
another day.. another year..
a week past that day.. that day that i was born some 23 years ago. wondering why i dreaded it so much.. so afraid of the spotlight. thinking about the things i did when ppl tried to celebrate tat day for me.. or rather throw me a surprise party. And of cos how they got a trashing from me instead of appreciation. ha. silly days.
finally found how i really wanna spend these special days.. with the weight of the world laid down.. with the most comfortable company of friends.. knowing well that they remembered.. and they well enough that thats all i ask of them. Peeerrrfect!
thanks to all who who remembered.. and showered your gifts and your love. Got a gift package from someone.. ha. long time since someone put in so much effort for me. the jelly so yummy that i only realised that it had my name on it when i finished eating the "D" and the "A". ha. so sorry. The interesting looking pot of onion which was supposed to be my face?hee. Loved it.( i'm still watering it k :P) And of of cos my piece of heaven that fell from the skies filled with stars! ha. thanks. It's been really special.. more than anything i could ask for.
Got a little something for myself as well. saw Nicky Lee's album on sale.. some how it's been pretty rare to find it in local cd shops and suddenly it's just there. $10.90. brand new cd that i've been trying to find for so long, right before me at an almost half priced discount! felt familar with an experience jus a year ago on the exact same day where i bought myself a cd on impluse and fell in love with the album. All i knew of the album is that Nicky Lee sang it. Period. not the songs or watever. in fact i didnt even know any of his songs. i jus knew he sings good.
well.. all i can say is that i'm more than glad to hav bought that album. jus my kindda sappy sappy R&B album. loved it.. tune stuck to my head. ha. Satisfied. Hmmm.. might jus buy myself a album every birthday from now on. ha.
not gonna complain about work.. jus that i'm dead busy.. and am gonna be like this till..hmm.. let me see.. next chinese new year? about there i guess. sorry if i neglected anyone ya. really sorry that i cant commit as much as i like into IIMAGINE as well. haiz.. working on a crazy pace now.
so not worth mentioning.
nvm.. happy days ahead. i know i'd make it thru with You. ;p
finally found how i really wanna spend these special days.. with the weight of the world laid down.. with the most comfortable company of friends.. knowing well that they remembered.. and they well enough that thats all i ask of them. Peeerrrfect!
thanks to all who who remembered.. and showered your gifts and your love. Got a gift package from someone.. ha. long time since someone put in so much effort for me. the jelly so yummy that i only realised that it had my name on it when i finished eating the "D" and the "A". ha. so sorry. The interesting looking pot of onion which was supposed to be my face?hee. Loved it.( i'm still watering it k :P) And of of cos my piece of heaven that fell from the skies filled with stars! ha. thanks. It's been really special.. more than anything i could ask for.
Got a little something for myself as well. saw Nicky Lee's album on sale.. some how it's been pretty rare to find it in local cd shops and suddenly it's just there. $10.90. brand new cd that i've been trying to find for so long, right before me at an almost half priced discount! felt familar with an experience jus a year ago on the exact same day where i bought myself a cd on impluse and fell in love with the album. All i knew of the album is that Nicky Lee sang it. Period. not the songs or watever. in fact i didnt even know any of his songs. i jus knew he sings good.
well.. all i can say is that i'm more than glad to hav bought that album. jus my kindda sappy sappy R&B album. loved it.. tune stuck to my head. ha. Satisfied. Hmmm.. might jus buy myself a album every birthday from now on. ha.
not gonna complain about work.. jus that i'm dead busy.. and am gonna be like this till..hmm.. let me see.. next chinese new year? about there i guess. sorry if i neglected anyone ya. really sorry that i cant commit as much as i like into IIMAGINE as well. haiz.. working on a crazy pace now.
so not worth mentioning.
nvm.. happy days ahead. i know i'd make it thru with You. ;p
Monday, June 19, 2006
Ever wondered how it feels to touch a life? i did.
i read somewhere that every life that u partake in the course of your own.. u change something.. you'd mould something. I wondered how different would the lives of ppl be without me. How my life would be different without the friends and ppl around me.
everyday.. i brush ppl by.. flashing a smile.. shaking a hand. How does it qualify me that i touched anyone's life? why would it matter anyway. i really did wonder if i made a difference. i hope i did.
i read somewhere that every life that u partake in the course of your own.. u change something.. you'd mould something. I wondered how different would the lives of ppl be without me. How my life would be different without the friends and ppl around me.
everyday.. i brush ppl by.. flashing a smile.. shaking a hand. How does it qualify me that i touched anyone's life? why would it matter anyway. i really did wonder if i made a difference. i hope i did.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
finally the pace is slowing down.. exercise period is over. think my unit is gonna go into a period of lull. so glad. feeling sick today.. woke up feeling like i was swelling all over.. my eye balls.. my face.. my head.. like some one stuffed tissue into my head. sucked.
worst of all.. i had to be leading worship.. so glad it nv really was about me. God took things into His hands. Felt so weird on stage.. dun know wat i was saying.. my eyes was tearing for nothing. Cant help but want to get off the stage. Not sure if it's me thats feeling listless or everyone else looked listless to me as well. Oh well.. it's over.
Over with the June birthday season.. havent got time to get anyone of them any presents yet. not my bro.. not gemi. not anyone at all. guess they werent expecting anything eh. The funny thing is ppl start coming to me asking if i did anything silly again. asking wat i got for her.. they wouldnt believe i havent gotten anything.. i cant believe it either. ha. like i said.. i really hoped it really could matter more now. But i guess somehow i'd get something for them.
Heard from Gemi about her new job.. i'm felt really happy for her. God really blessed her tremendously.. and i thank God for that! ha. Quite exciting when i was hearing it from her. she seemed quite happening these days.. always having wonderful testimonials. Envy her walk with God.. but definately happy for her. Jiayou eh.
Church camp up next! One thing at a time daniel.. one thing at a time.
worst of all.. i had to be leading worship.. so glad it nv really was about me. God took things into His hands. Felt so weird on stage.. dun know wat i was saying.. my eyes was tearing for nothing. Cant help but want to get off the stage. Not sure if it's me thats feeling listless or everyone else looked listless to me as well. Oh well.. it's over.
Over with the June birthday season.. havent got time to get anyone of them any presents yet. not my bro.. not gemi. not anyone at all. guess they werent expecting anything eh. The funny thing is ppl start coming to me asking if i did anything silly again. asking wat i got for her.. they wouldnt believe i havent gotten anything.. i cant believe it either. ha. like i said.. i really hoped it really could matter more now. But i guess somehow i'd get something for them.
Heard from Gemi about her new job.. i'm felt really happy for her. God really blessed her tremendously.. and i thank God for that! ha. Quite exciting when i was hearing it from her. she seemed quite happening these days.. always having wonderful testimonials. Envy her walk with God.. but definately happy for her. Jiayou eh.
Church camp up next! One thing at a time daniel.. one thing at a time.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
midnight mumble
been around a month since i came back from taiwan.. but somehow i didnt came here to doodle some thoughts. not that i've got nothing to say.. jus that i'm starting to be afraid that people would read my thoughts.
Seemed like things have been spinning around.. work.. relationships.. family.. etc. but somehow i still feel like i'm back to square one. Sometimes i cant help but hope things could be more complicated than it already is.
so wat is it gonna be?
Birthday season again.. andrew..vinc..matt.. and of cos gemi. all so dear to me. Didnt seem so important to me this year though. i'm sorry. wished it could matter more.. guess its like you said it.. it's never gonna be the same anymore.
i'm missing my friends.. joseph... matt.. weihwa.. eddie even. feels so far away. Hang in there ya.. dun want wat we hav to ever fade away.
tiger stride next.. i'd probably take a stroll. good night my dear friends
Seemed like things have been spinning around.. work.. relationships.. family.. etc. but somehow i still feel like i'm back to square one. Sometimes i cant help but hope things could be more complicated than it already is.
so wat is it gonna be?
Birthday season again.. andrew..vinc..matt.. and of cos gemi. all so dear to me. Didnt seem so important to me this year though. i'm sorry. wished it could matter more.. guess its like you said it.. it's never gonna be the same anymore.
i'm missing my friends.. joseph... matt.. weihwa.. eddie even. feels so far away. Hang in there ya.. dun want wat we hav to ever fade away.
tiger stride next.. i'd probably take a stroll. good night my dear friends
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Signing Off
Bye ppl.. flying off at 230am... be back by 29th May.
Please keep me and my family in prayers! My phone will still be active.. feel free to drop me a msg or a call if there's anything urgent.. shoping list or anything at all.
Seeya soon.
Please keep me and my family in prayers! My phone will still be active.. feel free to drop me a msg or a call if there's anything urgent.. shoping list or anything at all.
Seeya soon.
flying off in exactly 12 hours time.. nope.. havent packed my bag at all. Cant really bother to. Feels really drained the past few weeks. Work consumed me. Was it a good thing? Yes and no.. took my attention off some stuff.. but isolated me from some things i wanna be near to.
Wat does it feels like to be in an accident and nothing happens? Like travelling on the expressway when suddenly some vehicle came outta no where and crashed into the side of my car... Car went spinning.. so did i.. then suddenly everything's in slow motion. Digested the fact that i'm hit.. not sure wat's gonna happen. Expecting it to hurt.. but suprise overwhelmes all else.. i dun feel pain.. i'm jus spinning in my car. I'm getting dizzy.. trying to feel if i'm hurt any where. Nope.. i still dun feel the pain. Just feels as if life got sucked outta me like a vacum and everything is in silence. My hands began to tremble but i can't get a grip on myself.
The car spun to a jerky stop.. jerked me outta my daze. not sure if i'm still facing the right direction after all that spin. Not sure if i'm supposed to jus drive off. i'm jus sitting in my car. Waiting for something to happen.
All at once.. a gush of air filled my lungs. i was able to breathe again.
Still looking at my back pack... wondering if it will ever fill itself. dun think so. I better do it then.
Wat does it feels like to be in an accident and nothing happens? Like travelling on the expressway when suddenly some vehicle came outta no where and crashed into the side of my car... Car went spinning.. so did i.. then suddenly everything's in slow motion. Digested the fact that i'm hit.. not sure wat's gonna happen. Expecting it to hurt.. but suprise overwhelmes all else.. i dun feel pain.. i'm jus spinning in my car. I'm getting dizzy.. trying to feel if i'm hurt any where. Nope.. i still dun feel the pain. Just feels as if life got sucked outta me like a vacum and everything is in silence. My hands began to tremble but i can't get a grip on myself.
The car spun to a jerky stop.. jerked me outta my daze. not sure if i'm still facing the right direction after all that spin. Not sure if i'm supposed to jus drive off. i'm jus sitting in my car. Waiting for something to happen.
All at once.. a gush of air filled my lungs. i was able to breathe again.
Still looking at my back pack... wondering if it will ever fill itself. dun think so. I better do it then.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Read something on a friend's blog.. didnt know how to react. Maybe it's about time to move on.
i'm jus wondering how it would be when this subject is out of my life. What can fill up this big gap it used to occupy. Guess its better this way. I'm probably the only actor in this play.
Nevertheless... the show will go on. Dun wanna get hung up in this one sided love story anymore. The audience are getting bored. Next.. i want to do a comedy.. a romantic comedy. No more sappy love stories.. and this time round... i hope i wont be the only actor. and i hope it does hav a happy ending.
Auditioning wont start anytime soon. Still trying to wrap up the last story. Hope it really is for the better.
But i'll miss you sometimes.. this i'm sure.
i'm jus wondering how it would be when this subject is out of my life. What can fill up this big gap it used to occupy. Guess its better this way. I'm probably the only actor in this play.
Nevertheless... the show will go on. Dun wanna get hung up in this one sided love story anymore. The audience are getting bored. Next.. i want to do a comedy.. a romantic comedy. No more sappy love stories.. and this time round... i hope i wont be the only actor. and i hope it does hav a happy ending.
Auditioning wont start anytime soon. Still trying to wrap up the last story. Hope it really is for the better.
But i'll miss you sometimes.. this i'm sure.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
so wat are you doin today?
i'm a little lost these days.. kept wondering where did all the people go to. A little offline with the rythm of life. Dun understand. Suddenly felt so alone this afternoon. Everyone seemed to have somewhere to go.. someone to meet.. something to do. But me? I'm not too sure.
Wondering if the whole world had a secret life behind my back.. or was it i'm living in my own little world. I never could tell.
Thought i was busy.. didnt have time for others.. guess it's the other way round. Kept myself busy cos i'm afraid to see the day when others have no time for me. Guess besides church and work.. i dun really have a social life anymore.
Nope.. i'm not sad.. i'm jus a little lost.. give me time.. i'll find my way. Nothing much to do now.
so wat are you doin today?
i'm a little lost these days.. kept wondering where did all the people go to. A little offline with the rythm of life. Dun understand. Suddenly felt so alone this afternoon. Everyone seemed to have somewhere to go.. someone to meet.. something to do. But me? I'm not too sure.
Wondering if the whole world had a secret life behind my back.. or was it i'm living in my own little world. I never could tell.
Thought i was busy.. didnt have time for others.. guess it's the other way round. Kept myself busy cos i'm afraid to see the day when others have no time for me. Guess besides church and work.. i dun really have a social life anymore.
Nope.. i'm not sad.. i'm jus a little lost.. give me time.. i'll find my way. Nothing much to do now.
so wat are you doin today?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
once more... it's been sometime. close to a month of silence.
feels more like an atomic cell.. so calm on the outside.. but in the inside so much activities and collision goin on. Life's never really boring for me.. it's either too good or it really sucks.
I never know where to begin.. but there's always this irritating irony that everything in my life seemed so right and i jus had to screw it up. And it is by choice.. to feel bad about myself.. or not to. I guess i chose the former.
Recalled my life some time back.. when i really had serious inferior complex, felt like i was a loser in everything i did. School.. relationships.. family.. church.. i always felt i was second best.. and it didnt matter to me. Everything came crashing. Dropped out of school.. screwed up my first relationship.. couldnt bother more with my family and almost quited church.
But GOd woke me up.. put me back on tracks. I realised that's not who i was meant to be.. and i couldnt let all this blessing and gifts God had given me go to waste. He had a purpose for me and i told myself i dun wanna live in self pity anymore. I want the life God had intended for me!
That was 9 or 10 years back.. rite now.. my life still has its up and downs.. but life had never been clearer.. i had never been more sure that my life is in safe hands. But the picture hasnt been perfect. It felt like a disability.. like a hurdle i never could overcome.
My family had nv been complete.. Dad hasnt been around since i was pretty young.. Thank God for my mum.. she braved the storms to bring us up. I've forgiven my dad for wat he did. I was thinking... wats the big deal if i grew up without my father around? I nv understood.. i tot it made me stronger tats all. My mum's peers was always worried that i might have hurts becos of my family situation.. afraid that i'll bring that hurt into my own relationships.. suggesting that i go for counselling. ha. I always snugged it off with a laugh.. wats the matter with these people? they make it look like i have a problem!
Maybe they were partially right. I'm almost 23 this year and when i start to ponder whats wrong with me.. i'm starting to see their concern. I gotta admit that i have serious insecurities when it comes to relationships. Heard the word around is that i could be a very good friend.. but a terrible boyfriend. Now i understand why.
Like i said.. a disability. Like i'm crippled emotionally.. i'm afraid that i cant deliver when it comes to commitment.. becos my dad wasnt around to be a role model husband or father to me. Or tat i'll be like my father.. falter and fall into the helms of infidility. Hurting the woman he once so loved. Expectations mounting as my impression of a relationship is built upon layers and layers of idealism. sharing our lives together sounds really great.. But rather sharing my imperfect life with her? I'm sure she deserves better than having to partake in my miserable lifestyle. I'm jus not sure i'm up to it.. and i'll rather not try than to risk hurting the woman i love.
I'm sure that's pretty wrong.. but i cant help it. It's probably still alright if i havent found someone. But when that person came along.. i feel like i'm in this tug of war inside.. one side dying to tell her that i really do love her.. the other pulling me away in the name of "not hurting" her. Telling myself i deserved it everytime a setback occurs. Hiding my disability behind this facade, only to kick myself in the hours of silence. Looked at myself from a third person.. i spat at myself. Wat bullshit! I see the reminiscence of an almost forgotten past. That branded loser i so despise. I dun like wat i see. I need help.
feels more like an atomic cell.. so calm on the outside.. but in the inside so much activities and collision goin on. Life's never really boring for me.. it's either too good or it really sucks.
I never know where to begin.. but there's always this irritating irony that everything in my life seemed so right and i jus had to screw it up. And it is by choice.. to feel bad about myself.. or not to. I guess i chose the former.
Recalled my life some time back.. when i really had serious inferior complex, felt like i was a loser in everything i did. School.. relationships.. family.. church.. i always felt i was second best.. and it didnt matter to me. Everything came crashing. Dropped out of school.. screwed up my first relationship.. couldnt bother more with my family and almost quited church.
But GOd woke me up.. put me back on tracks. I realised that's not who i was meant to be.. and i couldnt let all this blessing and gifts God had given me go to waste. He had a purpose for me and i told myself i dun wanna live in self pity anymore. I want the life God had intended for me!
That was 9 or 10 years back.. rite now.. my life still has its up and downs.. but life had never been clearer.. i had never been more sure that my life is in safe hands. But the picture hasnt been perfect. It felt like a disability.. like a hurdle i never could overcome.
My family had nv been complete.. Dad hasnt been around since i was pretty young.. Thank God for my mum.. she braved the storms to bring us up. I've forgiven my dad for wat he did. I was thinking... wats the big deal if i grew up without my father around? I nv understood.. i tot it made me stronger tats all. My mum's peers was always worried that i might have hurts becos of my family situation.. afraid that i'll bring that hurt into my own relationships.. suggesting that i go for counselling. ha. I always snugged it off with a laugh.. wats the matter with these people? they make it look like i have a problem!
Maybe they were partially right. I'm almost 23 this year and when i start to ponder whats wrong with me.. i'm starting to see their concern. I gotta admit that i have serious insecurities when it comes to relationships. Heard the word around is that i could be a very good friend.. but a terrible boyfriend. Now i understand why.
Like i said.. a disability. Like i'm crippled emotionally.. i'm afraid that i cant deliver when it comes to commitment.. becos my dad wasnt around to be a role model husband or father to me. Or tat i'll be like my father.. falter and fall into the helms of infidility. Hurting the woman he once so loved. Expectations mounting as my impression of a relationship is built upon layers and layers of idealism. sharing our lives together sounds really great.. But rather sharing my imperfect life with her? I'm sure she deserves better than having to partake in my miserable lifestyle. I'm jus not sure i'm up to it.. and i'll rather not try than to risk hurting the woman i love.
I'm sure that's pretty wrong.. but i cant help it. It's probably still alright if i havent found someone. But when that person came along.. i feel like i'm in this tug of war inside.. one side dying to tell her that i really do love her.. the other pulling me away in the name of "not hurting" her. Telling myself i deserved it everytime a setback occurs. Hiding my disability behind this facade, only to kick myself in the hours of silence. Looked at myself from a third person.. i spat at myself. Wat bullshit! I see the reminiscence of an almost forgotten past. That branded loser i so despise. I dun like wat i see. I need help.
Friday, January 06, 2006
i know.. its not exactly New Year's Day. But this is the only time i can find to sit before my com again. So.. New Year's greetings to all my friends and a blessed year ahead.
Cant believe it.. there goes another year. I can jus remember sending out new year msgs to my friends that didnt went thru due to network congestions and stuff.. the next thing i know.. i said hi to 2006.
The begining of the year has always been a time of reflections and thanks giving and rededications etc. When i tried to look back to see wat happened.. it was difficult nad hard to swallow. Not that something really terrible happened.. jus that i couldnt comprehend how God intervened into my life, my family, my church.
My family has never been the same ever.. dun remember how it started but all i know is that there is so much more love for each other. Slowly we bring out the hurts we had before.. bring it before the Lord and healed it. Its not perfect.. but it's more than i deserved. Thank You Jesus.
So much more to give thanks for.. how He turned my church around(Lord i pray there's more to come!).. for e friends around me(You know i love u all!).. for the good food I'm stuffed with!(oh yeah..the food deserves a mention!ha) so much more.
Thru all the praise and thanks giving.. not everything has been smooth sailing. Some times it feels like i'm shouting into someone's ears and she's doesnt even know you're there. Sometimes i still put up a front with my friends.. a painted grin. Not that i needed to.. but i think i'm jus used to it. I forgotten who is really behind this mask. A huge part of me praying hard that someone come tell me wat i already know.. tell me who i really am. Really tiring living for others.. am i doing it wrong? Of cos i am..
A midst all the blessing and annointing.. all the pursuit for His presence.. i've been asking. Is there a more sensitive way to do it. I have seen ppl pushed away by hurtful words.. ppl left out in the cold.. hardly able to come back in the loop. Tension's almost there. I know all the causes are good.. but are we doin it wrong? I pray God pours His love into our church.. and give us spiritual sensitivity.
After we experience Him every single day.. i pray God blesses our hands.. in all we do, and more importantly.. let our lives be a living testimonial to His love.. loving one another, even the unlovable, like the way Jesus loved us. Let us always have a word of encouragement n thanks giving hung on our lips.. let compassion always be in our hearts.. and His words always in our minds.
I dun have the answers.. all i know is He loves me.. and will never leave me. So i praise You.. the God who gives and takes away.. i lift my heart to You in thanks giving a worship. All i pray.. is Your will be done.Amen
Cant believe it.. there goes another year. I can jus remember sending out new year msgs to my friends that didnt went thru due to network congestions and stuff.. the next thing i know.. i said hi to 2006.
The begining of the year has always been a time of reflections and thanks giving and rededications etc. When i tried to look back to see wat happened.. it was difficult nad hard to swallow. Not that something really terrible happened.. jus that i couldnt comprehend how God intervened into my life, my family, my church.
My family has never been the same ever.. dun remember how it started but all i know is that there is so much more love for each other. Slowly we bring out the hurts we had before.. bring it before the Lord and healed it. Its not perfect.. but it's more than i deserved. Thank You Jesus.
So much more to give thanks for.. how He turned my church around(Lord i pray there's more to come!).. for e friends around me(You know i love u all!).. for the good food I'm stuffed with!(oh yeah..the food deserves a mention!ha) so much more.
Thru all the praise and thanks giving.. not everything has been smooth sailing. Some times it feels like i'm shouting into someone's ears and she's doesnt even know you're there. Sometimes i still put up a front with my friends.. a painted grin. Not that i needed to.. but i think i'm jus used to it. I forgotten who is really behind this mask. A huge part of me praying hard that someone come tell me wat i already know.. tell me who i really am. Really tiring living for others.. am i doing it wrong? Of cos i am..
A midst all the blessing and annointing.. all the pursuit for His presence.. i've been asking. Is there a more sensitive way to do it. I have seen ppl pushed away by hurtful words.. ppl left out in the cold.. hardly able to come back in the loop. Tension's almost there. I know all the causes are good.. but are we doin it wrong? I pray God pours His love into our church.. and give us spiritual sensitivity.
After we experience Him every single day.. i pray God blesses our hands.. in all we do, and more importantly.. let our lives be a living testimonial to His love.. loving one another, even the unlovable, like the way Jesus loved us. Let us always have a word of encouragement n thanks giving hung on our lips.. let compassion always be in our hearts.. and His words always in our minds.
I dun have the answers.. all i know is He loves me.. and will never leave me. So i praise You.. the God who gives and takes away.. i lift my heart to You in thanks giving a worship. All i pray.. is Your will be done.Amen
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