still adjusting back to life after my granny's gone.. suddenly after all those hospitals trips and funeral preparations, seems werid trying to settle back into life again.
Almost forgotten how my schedule was supposed to be. Was i supposed to be meeting someone? did i hav something to do tat i havent done yet? a little lost now especially when ppl dun inform abt events when they think that i probably not ready to go.
well.. dunno how was i supposed to respond to their "kindness". rather them not be so sensitive and let me get on with life. So many changes around.. feeling numb on so many issues.. sick and tired to keep up. But realised i dun have to. I'll jus stick to my own pace maybe. So wat's next?
Dad came back for granny's funeral. Spent quite some time at the funeral with him. Dun know if only adversities can bring my family together. Well.. appreciate the time alone together with him though.. kind of think of it.. i dun remember ever having private times jus him and me alone chatting besides when he stayed up with me during the funeral.
Feels kindda werid.. gotta admit i always had my bro as a buffer between me and my dad. The dad i knew was really thru my brother's experience with him. Guess he probably feels the same way.. knowing me from my bro.
I imagine it being quite interesting to know your son grew up into a man, slipping my whole childhood and teenage years passed him. Wonder wat he thinks of me. but honestly does it matter? Time really does washes alot of things away.. no long blame him for wat he did.. no longer bother actually. Just hope he'll steer away from shame and come back to Christ.
I know for sure he still believes in God.. he's the one who brought my mum to church. He's the one who planted the seeds of slavation in his family. But i guess its his guilt and shame oust him from our church.
After so many years he finally came back for a visit.. his old khakis all trying to grab this old friend for a chat. Cant help but wonder how my family would be different if he stayed behind and all those things didnt happen. Well.. i thank God for wat ever had happened.. for watever happened happens and couldnt have happened any other ways. ??? wat did i say? dun understand. haha. jus glad i turned out alright. Thank God for my mummy.. staying strong all these while for us. Told myself i'll nv leave my wife like he did. dun wanna miss out a single moment of my kids growing up.
well.. jus glad everything seems to be turning out alright. Thank you Jesus for this truly alternative childhood! ha. Guess it's back to camp tonight. That person that is sick and down with sorethroat(you know who u are. haha).. take care ya.. will keep ya in prayers. Remember to eat your medication if u need too ya.
nitez
