it's 3 am in the morning.. i'm dead tired.. i've got an early appointment tml morning.. going roller blading in the afternoon with grace and eda.. got programs planned at night as well.. then again.. wat am i doin here!?! I ought to be on my bed sleeping isnt it?
cant seem to dive into my bed for cover tonight.. tired as i am.. i really dun feel like sleeping. funny why ppl are asking me if everything's alright. Is anything supposed to be wrong? Or is it my msn nick? it's really jus part of a lyrics again.. sad as it might sound.. it's really quite positive to me.. stars fading and i stayed behind.. this sense of silent resilence.. like a shoot sticking out on a mud flat after a slide. How ppl interpret it is really a matter of their current emotive mindsets. Doesnt matter anyway... i know i love the mental picture of the sentence.
i remember a time when i was caught in a position of ironic confessions of a close friend who told me of his romantic preference, which sort of conflicted with mine. Only that my interest was covert. I know not wat was expected of me to perform.. friends on one side.. love on another. hate that feeling. but it was all over. thank God. we both didnt get the girl. haha.
wat now? i see a glimps of wats to come.. a shadow of the past. but this time it's different. i'm laughing. laughing at how i manage to make it happen again. Laughing at how it is affecting me to the point that i can hardly sleep. laughing at the consequences to losing someone dear again. Ha.
stop talkin to me will ya. somethings i really dun need to know. Stop making me feel obliged to give it up when i havent even tried.. stop making me feel like i have to make adjustments becos you spoke.. stop making me feel u know something but yet you're jus waiting for me to say it instead. Stop making me feel like i did something wrong to you. i know it's not your fault and u probably didnt mean it. but i cant help it either.
all i wanna do now is sleep and not feel guilty.. wake up and not feel like i cheated. Thats all.. it's not a game.. it's not a match.. it definately is not a war.. and sometimes it isnt fair.. but the stakes seemed so high.. so simple.. and so delicate. how did i get in the picture? i'm sorry.
dunno know i i got here.. jus let my finger slap the keys.. nothing much more to say.. ciaoz
