i watched My Blueberry Nights on my graveyard shift the other night. Nothing really much to do around there. Imagine.. hanging around.. just in case. -_-"
Haven't watched a film that made me think so much after.. i really like the show. I like the approach.. the style of photography.. most importantly, i like the fact that it made me learn something new about myself.
It is true that people seldom see you for who you are or what you're worth. And along the way, you fumble between overestimating or undermining yourself that you slowly, but surely, forgotten who you are anymore. It is always about who I want to be.. what I want to do.. how I want things to turn out. But do we really know what is best for us? We probably don't.
i look myself in the mirror and i hardly know who daniel really is. but i love the fact that i'm finding out who he is from the mouth of others. Everyday, i learn something new about myself. Its like reading a book.. each page reveals a little to piece it up to the grand design.
It definitely feels great getting to know yourself.. but on the other hand.. it can sometimes be hard to like what i see. i look at daniel from the outside and sometimes all i really see is a lonely man who choses to be alone on his own accord.. because he thought it suits him better this way.. that it justifies for the awkward years that he passed. An addict for solitude.. a masochist of kind. Not because he enjoys it.. but because it felt deserving and befitting to be like this.
It is like drinking alone. For goodness sake.. liquor taste nothing fantastic. But who was ever really downing them for the taste. Its how it makes you feel. Rightfully high.. rightfully miserable. They are looking for justification. oh precious, instant justification.
something struck me ridiculous from the show. Jeremy,(the owner of the cafe in NY), he keeps a jar of keys all left behind by his customers. Behind every key is a story. Someone leaving.. someone left.. someone waiting and some who just can't let go. He remembers something his mummy told him when he was a little boy.. that if he was ever lost.. he was to stay exactly where he was and she'll come back for him.
Sounds like wisdom to him.. he thought love was the same. That if he stayed and hung on where he lost his love.. it'll come back looking for him. That's exactly what he did. He never left his cafe.. he never change anything about himself. He stayed where he was.. just in case his love came back looking for him and she'll find him exactly who he was before. He thought if he kept those keys in the jars.. the very least is that he kept a possibility to open the doors.
He had to learn the hard way that it didn't work that way..that it wasn't about the door.. that even if the keys someday were to open these doors again.. the person you're looking for probably isn't there anymore. He was waiting to open the door to an empty room. A fool waiting for nothing.
He threw away all the keys in the end. Wondering what he had been missing all these while when he had his eyes dead fixed on that door.
