Many nights i wonder what is wrong with everything around me. Why does things turned up like it is. It always builds me right up just to drop me down again.
Apparently, they are as right as they can be. Regret is the order of the day. They probably did the right thing and they are reaping their rewards while I'm left here caught in yet another tough and lifeless yet important decision in my life.
I find it hard to forgive the people who did this to me. As much as i want to, sour discord stirs in my tummy when i think about them and how they did it. They say time heals.. i'm still waiting to see.
I too long for a new beginning, a new calling, a new lease of life. Perhaps someone new in my life as well. But i look around me, the possibility seems to be gone. I used to have a bunch of friends who had crazy dreams and beautiful ambitions, nothing too formal, only too extravagant. We had nothing to back us but each other. Then they held on to their own dreams and flew away, apparently without me.
Now i learn that people do find courage in numbers. I'm afraid to dream alone now. When i share my crazy dreams and ambitions, there's no one who really understands how i feel. My life is less then it was. As usual, sad but true.
Don't want to dream alone. There must be more to my mundane life. There must be a twist in the new chapters ahead. I'll have to find forgiveness somehow. I'll have to let go and jump someday. As down and out as I am now, i know I'll stay and fight. I'll fight and win. I'll win and .. erm.. any idea what's after that? :)
Counting down :)
