Cough Blood

yawn... sat morning again. so tired that i slept like a log last night. yawn.. i'm still not awake yet.

my groggy eye lead me to my bathroom where i splashed cool water on my face to wake myself up while i was wondering where is my brother and mummy. hmm. unusual that they didnt wake me up.

felt something in my throat.. tried to cough it out. I spat it out and it was blood! ha.. now i'm awake. i looked at my hands and i realised that they were all covered in blood. Looked at myself in the mirror to find myself having a nose bleed.. chey.. tot i was coughing blood.. so it was only blood back flowed in my throat when i was sleeping. boring. It was messy though.. good thing i didnt dirty the bed with my nose bleed.. or i'll be kicking myself clearing up and washing the bedsheets. ha

Been a really long and busy week.. just back from 2 weeks of off and leave and they worked us like dogs.. projects kept coming in and trials after trials.. furthermore i still had to complete my assignments to be handed in during the week! it was crazy.. when my buddies finished work they were resting.. me? i jus carried on and do my assignment. i wake up at 630.. but i sleep at 2 plus3 am. i'm glad that at least the assignments are out of the way.

Really tough working and studying.. especially in my unit. I'm already takin one module less per semester but i'm still feeling that it's taking up too much of my time. Well.. what to do... made my choice. i should thank God that i still have the capacity to put myself into sch.

Sch aside.. starting to feel unsatisfied at work. Dun find the deserved recognition for the work that i put in.. been telling alot of ppl that i'm about to leave the organisation. That's the fact.. but my OC has been telling me to keep hush on that.. afraid that it'll affect my ranking in the coming year. I guessing i should be running in the top few positions in terms of ranking.. not tat i'm proud or anything.. but i pretty sure that in the place where ppl are under performing, the average performer could actually fly pretty high. And i could safely say that the only competition to those position are my buddies in my company.

then again.. it's not important about these ranking.. there's no difference in terms of benefits if was to come in first or second.. only more work. You doing well so you work more!! work till you're under performing then someone else will take the work. HUH? stupid system. Capable people do more... lazy people do less. but they get the same in return. bravo!

the thought of leaving led me to seriously consider what i want to do when i get out. Been offered a few options already. but i still want to start my own business ultimately. Having failed terribly in my last venture, its surged my thirst for more. ha.

i know why that venture fail.. and i regret it had to turn out like tat. lost a little money(really just a little). paid for a really valuable lesson. i doubt it's really a good idea to do business with friends. so much tat is so hard to say to each other. things that dun make business sense but you had to keep quiet afraid to affect the friendship. It's a really sucky feeling when you know that ppl wants you out and sugar coat their intentions. especially when it's coming from a friend. well.. i guess it's a good thing that it's ended too.

But just for the record, i never once doubt the potential of this company, never once doubt the quality of my partners and never once tot that the partnership would come to and end like this. Hope you guys will carry on to do well in your own private ventures eh.

though i know my commitment has been minimal, it has really been a highlight in my life.

ok ok.. think i better go catch some lunch before my mum or brother come home to find me dead on my laptop with my hands shafting paper in my mouth to curb my hunger! ha.

Durains tonight.. hmm. how unusual.