Recently my brother made a hard decision to leave and went over to FCBC, probably because his girl is over there.. and that in their marriage life it's better for them to serve in the same church. and since Bernice isn't gonna come over.. Andrew's over there.
From a lot of views.. it's really a pity. Been in the same church as my bro ever since i've known him as my "brother". ha. Never really thought this day would come. so many things we wanted to do together in church but we dragged on cos i thought we had time in this church. One thing i really regretted is that some time back, he kept egging me on about leading worship together with him. He told me that it'll be nice that we brothers could be leading worship together. but i told him i wasnt ready.. and it's not like we running short of time.
dun know if i'd ever have the chance again. things would be worst when he moves out after he gets married. times when the 2 of us whistling and singing harmonies out of the blues.. talking abt anime.. taking walks in malls talking about nothing. not anymore i guess.
been really reliant on him since i was a kid. i was living a shadow of his life. followed him where ever he went..wearing his clothes.. reading his books.. listening to his cds.. playing his old toys. that was me. Till a point when i hit adolescence that i realise i dun really know myself. hated everything about him.. wanted to do everything unlike him. wanted nothing to do with him. Nothing wrong with what he did.. it's more like hating the fact that Daniel seems to be lost behind the facade of andrew.
but i only realised how close we really are and how i really need my brother when he went overseas for his studies. i was at a lost.. things he was taking upon himself at home suddenly fell on my weak shoulders. I felt i was left without a shelter.
when he came back.. somehow we became really close.. alot more like what brothers should be. He'd be like a wall that i can lean on. A wall i can throw and bounce my stupid ideas and still get honest feedbacks. really thanked God for him.
but even though he's still here.. it feels kindda empty. i'm seldom at home.. he's always with bernice.. and now he's in another church. Feels like i'm standing in the middle of a big field and any direction that i lean i'm just gonna fall flat on my back. feels like this time i really gotta stand on my own 2 feet.
guess it's about time also. about time i woken up. great to see my brother all worked up for God.. really rubbing it on me as well. ha. quite envious of his God encountering experiences.. and wishing ECF could really do more. But i refuse to condemn ECF like so many did. i'm very sure God is still here.. and despite the hurts and incompleteness.. this church will rise up like dry bones into flesh again!
"Again he said unto me, Prophesy upon these bones, and say unto them, O ye dry bones, hear the word of The Lord. Thus saith The Lord God unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am The Lord."
