22 years of my life and i still cannot believe how someone can alternate one's mood so easily. yes yes.. it's me. Felt like i'm on an emotional roller coaster.. again.
It's really a funny feeling.. i can imagine myself in the amusment park.. paid my ticket for a roller coaster ride. Not knowing if i'll enjoy it. Sat down with my anxiety running wide, waiting for the ride to jus take my breathe away.
Running thru my head.. all the impressions of a roller coaster rides flashed. Painted a picture of how it's supposed to feel. The anticipation.. emotional build up.. holding my breathe..and lots of laughter and relief when it's all over. Thinkin my experience wouldnt differ much from my impression.. i'm looking forward for the ride of my life!
The sound of motor starting woke me from my day dream. Slowly but surely.. my cart moved towards a bend out of my line of sight.. and off i go.
Within minutes.. i'm back.. the sound of the motor slowing down, drawing to a complete stop back at where i began. Needless to say.. it was nothing i ever felt before.. nothing like i thought it would be. Hair is a little messy.. heart still pumping alittle fast.. my hands still gripped tightly on the handle in front of me.
I wasnt smiling. Not that i wasnt happy.. but i wasnt smiling. There's a certain allure that draws me back to relish the sensations of the ride. Some i loved( the adrenaline and all the fresh anticipation of something i yearn to try).. some i regretted(unprepared twist and turns.. fear and dissapointment inflicted).. some that brought me down(It probably didnt meet my expectation). I know i wasnt satisfied. However, i told myself i'm not gonna try anymore. Scared? probably. I'm afraid the second time will end up the same.
Ended up wondering around the amusment park.. holding my remaining tickets. Wondering where i should spend it instead. Somehow.. i gravited back to the roller coaster ride. Memories of the ride still fresh in my head. The allure draws me in again. The next thing i know is i'm queuing for the ride again.
Long line of people in front of me.. people sitting on the seat that i was seated jus a moment ago. Still comtemplating if i made the right choice.
Now.. it's my turn. Sitting back at the same seat i was before. i looked ahead. here i ago again. All i hope is tat this time.. i return with wat i was looking for.
Too soon to tell.
My hands gripped tightly on the handle once again.
