-_-" sianz

ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Cut yourself and like it

i just remembered talking to a group of 6-7 year olds.. then we were talking about being emo. Thought they know nothing about being emo.. boy was i wrong.

I asked them what was emo all about.. and they gave me their shocking defination.

" to cut yourself and like it!"

I was like ..."what?!? where the hell did you learn that???" all of them replied in unity:" Youtube!!!"

My Gosh!!! I'm never gonna let my kid watch youtube in the future!

David Cook Is the new American Idol !!!

David Cook Is the new American Idol !!!

Yep.. you heard it right. Won by a margin of 12 million votes.. America has spoken.. David Cook Is the new American Idol !!!

ha.. don't be mistaken.. i'm not usually an AI fan, i happened to have watched a few episodes of AI after the final 12 and i'm really impressed with David Cook! His rendition of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean blew me away!

He's got substance.. he's got the look... he's got the attitude.. he's got the voice.. he IS the package! Haven't seen anyone quite his caliber on AI for quite sometime already. He deservingly won the competition. Then again.. i doubt he really needed to win to make it BIG. If i was a producer, i'd sign him anyway.

well.. hope he doesn't just fade into oblivion after the competition like so many AI winners before. May he do the male population proud and outdo Clay Aiken and maybe even Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson!

Ok.. i sound like some AI groupie now.. ha.

"This is American Idol.. i'm Ryan Seacrest. Out!"

Singapore Freeze!!

Anyone heard about the Singapore Freeze? haha. Unknowingly.. lester and i participated in the first ever SG Freeze! ha.

Tot it was quite lame at first.. but then again.. hah. pretty fun actually.

For those who don't know what it is.. all we did was that at the certain designate time.. lots of people just suddenly freeze from what ever they are doing 5mins.. then unfreeze and move on after that. ha. the passer-by who didnt have a clue were shocked.. tot what happened. ha.

from what i heard from the participants.. the movement started in a Germany arts festival where the artist wanted the people to take time off from they daily busy walk to stop and observe still life. Frozen people.. doing pausing in the midst of us. Art they say.. ha.

well.. pretty fun though.. glad i was able to take part in such a lame movement. haha. no offense.. i do get the idea.. but it's still pretty lame. ha

here's a video i found on YouTube about the Singapore freeze. If you look really closely.. i appeared in the video for a split sec too. ha:


enjoy!

Brudder!

Vikki called to this afternoon cos Issac learned to say "brother"! ha. Anyway.. Issac is vikki's 1 year plus old kid. super cute! been trying to teach him to call me brother instead of uncle. haha.

Yeah! Made my day! way to go brudder! :)

Contentment

lesson i learned today.. contentment. ha. when you lower your expectations.. the world seems a better place.

had my first paper today.. management. BUS101.. how appropriate. I gotta admit.. i haven't studied enough.. but last min revision was pretty helpful. Thank God!

I sat in the gigantic exam hall looking at the paper i smiled to myself.. it didnt look too bad.

i scribbled all the crap i have onto the papers and i managed to fill 11pages with it. ha. not too sure how much of it was relevant.. but then again.. at least there are 11pages of it. half of it right would have brought me thru anyway. ha.

i walked out of the exam hall a happy man.. but all i see was frustrated faces all around me. hmmm.. the paper wasnt that hard.. i wondered. So why the long faces?

realised they were sulking that they couldn't score. I was smiling that i wouldnt fail. ha.

and we all went to have ah beng western food and lived happily ever after!

Hope you're not gay

hi there! If you're reading this.. you're one of the few(hmmm.. let me count.. 1..2..3.. around there i guess)weird people who like to peer into my blog for no reason. Either you're addicted to mediocrity or you're somehow for whatever reason interested in my life. (I hope you're not gay!! Please!!! nOOOoooo!!!)

But then again.. i welcome you anyway. Feel free to bore yourself with my bitching about my life in here. I dun usually address the people who come by cos i am usually the only one who reads my own blog. haha. I'm quite a fan actually.. reading up on blogs years ago.. Helps me with my short term memory thingie.. reminds me of things. Amuses me sometimes.

Then again.. why are you reading my blog? hmmm... i'm interested already. Dun you have your own life to live? some webcast to catch? movie to watch? people to call? some project to do? some books to read? some animals to feed? some pimple to squeeze?

tick tock tick tock.. every moment here is a moment wasted. But thanks for showing interest anyway.

There really is nothing much here if its content you're looking for.. and if there if a door in cyber space i'd show you the door. ha. so thanks for dropping by to nothing. please come again! and i truly hope you're not gay!

bye bye

That Morbit Feeling

went to give my white blood cells today again. Sat there for 7hrs. tot i could use this time to do some revision for my examination tml.. well.. i was wrong.. the stupid chair was too comfy to study la.. i kept falling asleep. haha.

thank God my white blood cells were very much acceptable to uncle steven.. cos i heard alot of people couldn't donate in the first place. The 2 times i when for the donation i've already seen so many people who came for the screening being rejected for donation already. Poor auntie Sally, always see her so washed out but still so strong. Thanks for the hospitality, for all the food you bought me! :)

Min Yee told me today that actually her dad not doing too well. Doc told them that they already did all they could already. so could only sustain him thru all the transfusion and the machines and hopefully he turns around. Reminded me of the time when my grand ma was in hospital.. knowing that she was fading away.. but still praying for a miracle. You tell yourself that you gotta prepare yourself for the lost eventually. But then again.. can you ever prepare for such a lost? i doubt so. End of the day.. all the preparations boils down to tears and sadness. Nothing can prepare you for the lost. trust me.

However.. you know that you'll have to get over it somehow. let go.. move on. And you eventually will. Moving on is not about forgetting the person so that you dun feel the pain.. it's about accepting the fact that he/she is gone. Holding on tight to the memories that you had together.. holding on the lessons you've learned in the relationship. I still remember the faces of the friends i lost. I do visit them once in a while.. afraid that i've forgotten about them. i try not to. I tot i'd never get over their deaths.. but you'll be surprise how forgetful people are.

I'm sorry if i ever forgotten. You'll be glad that your dismiss managed to encourage others to live better.. including me. How ever much i hate what you did.. i hope you're in a better place than we are now.

well.. may the Lord's consolation and comfort and peace falls on weary hearts tonight. Refreshed when we all get up in the morning.. for His mercies are new every morning and His grace is sufficient for me! Amen

Screwed

Not exactly a good week.. screwed for the tiniest of things. Not even my fault. irritating. I dun think in my 4 years of Army had anyone reprimanded me for nothing like he did. Well.. he's doin me a favor.. affirming me that this is not the place i would like to stay for too long.

Something fundamentally wrong with the management in Army. It's working at the moment doesn't mean it should be the way. Telling us in the face that the turn over rate is still healthy.. making it an excuse not to address issues. I think its more that they dun wanna feel taken hostage to abide by our real concerns with us threatening to quit.

But this is not it.. it is a natural fact that if satisfaction cannot be found here.. people will go. Can't go 3G without first changing the 1G command attitude. The commanders seems to be engaging and putting up the front for the NSF.. while behind the scene.. nothing much changed. At least that's what i feel here.

Looking at the large number of people leaving.. i hope they are getting the msg.

My Blueberry Nights

i watched My Blueberry Nights on my graveyard shift the other night. Nothing really much to do around there. Imagine.. hanging around.. just in case. -_-"

Haven't watched a film that made me think so much after.. i really like the show. I like the approach.. the style of photography.. most importantly, i like the fact that it made me learn something new about myself.

It is true that people seldom see you for who you are or what you're worth. And along the way, you fumble between overestimating or undermining yourself that you slowly, but surely, forgotten who you are anymore. It is always about who I want to be.. what I want to do.. how I want things to turn out. But do we really know what is best for us? We probably don't.

i look myself in the mirror and i hardly know who daniel really is. but i love the fact that i'm finding out who he is from the mouth of others. Everyday, i learn something new about myself. Its like reading a book.. each page reveals a little to piece it up to the grand design.

It definitely feels great getting to know yourself.. but on the other hand.. it can sometimes be hard to like what i see. i look at daniel from the outside and sometimes all i really see is a lonely man who choses to be alone on his own accord.. because he thought it suits him better this way.. that it justifies for the awkward years that he passed. An addict for solitude.. a masochist of kind. Not because he enjoys it.. but because it felt deserving and befitting to be like this.

It is like drinking alone. For goodness sake.. liquor taste nothing fantastic. But who was ever really downing them for the taste. Its how it makes you feel. Rightfully high.. rightfully miserable. They are looking for justification. oh precious, instant justification.

something struck me ridiculous from the show. Jeremy,(the owner of the cafe in NY), he keeps a jar of keys all left behind by his customers. Behind every key is a story. Someone leaving.. someone left.. someone waiting and some who just can't let go. He remembers something his mummy told him when he was a little boy.. that if he was ever lost.. he was to stay exactly where he was and she'll come back for him.

Sounds like wisdom to him.. he thought love was the same. That if he stayed and hung on where he lost his love.. it'll come back looking for him. That's exactly what he did. He never left his cafe.. he never change anything about himself. He stayed where he was.. just in case his love came back looking for him and she'll find him exactly who he was before. He thought if he kept those keys in the jars.. the very least is that he kept a possibility to open the doors.

He had to learn the hard way that it didn't work that way..that it wasn't about the door.. that even if the keys someday were to open these doors again.. the person you're looking for probably isn't there anymore. He was waiting to open the door to an empty room. A fool waiting for nothing.

He threw away all the keys in the end. Wondering what he had been missing all these while when he had his eyes dead fixed on that door.

123 我们都是木头人 (下)

david tao didnt disappoint. the crowd did.

nevertheless.. david rocks! haha. i mean he really rocked the stadium man! as usual... i'm impressed. the arrangements over all the old songs.. made them sparkling new! like i've never heard before. ha

now when i think back.. Mayday's concert cant hold a candle to david's. Sometimes its not about nice songs.. it aint enough. David's concert oozes substances. Hard not to be inspired after every song. nothing like seeing musicians enjoying themselves.

we'll i think it's true.. last album in dec. hope he'll make a come back.. i promise i wont laugh at him goin back on his word. ha. but if david stops making music.. i've got nothing to look forward to anymore..(maybe still got jacky cheung and wang lee hom.. hee)

bottom line is.. i enjoyed myself.. God gained the glory from his testimonies.. everyone's happy.

Beautiful

123 我们都是木头人

counting down to david tao.. 5.. 4 ...3.. 2.. yawn. Opps. tml night's the night! david in action.. haha. a year plus since his last concert.. but cant wait to see what he's got with new arrangements and stuff. ha. i remembered i throughly enjoyed myself the other time. actually much more than the mayday concert.

well well.. it better be good tml. his last album coming soon.. and then bye bye david tao.. or so he say. ha. really quite wasted if he ends now.. argh.. irritating.. why did it have to stop. :(

Today i comprehend what i'm actually supposed to do in camp.. what the army is paying me for. Haiz.. thinking about it.. its really quite a tough one. Managing expectations.. both ends of it.. breaking bad news and making them sound reasonable. Come on.. as if they dun know i'm trying to fool them. But that's partially what i'm paid for. the bad news man.. sianz. the worst thing is i think i'm immune to the pain in seeing them heading towards shit.. partly because i know there isnt much i can do about it.. partly because it doesnt really concern me.. why invest so much of myself in it.

Else where.. i probably could do much more.. but in the army.. they've always been pacifying me. arghh.. irritating. i've been complaining and raising issues of fairness.. or elitism.. of admin lapse.. plain stupid directives but they nv seem to get thru. They just say "i totally understand and agree with you.. but it's beyond my pay grade to address your problem". Duh! Talk about chain of command.. the stopped my complaint and threw it out right there.. how it is ever gonna get to the person who can actually do something about it?? Irritating.

Maybe i should be writing a song about it like david tao.. haha. i might get famous you know.. ha. maybe not.

Come back when you really have something to say!

while people are talking about starting revolutions.. embarking on new journeys.. the new girl in class.. i'm starting to wonder what stirs me.

realised that i'm more wounded than hurt.. more restless than tired. i tot nothing can stir me anymore. I know i still have it inside.. the music within.. the inherent purpose.. but then again.. what good can i be if i'm still me. Overrated me. Procrastinating me.

So what if you can speak? Come back when you really have something to say!

bang bang bang.. an empty vessel. My book is filled with empty pages. Tore some of the pages myself. Things written.. rather not written before.

Run.. run with the wind.. run like you haven't got lungs.. run like there's no tomorrow. But still.. someday you'll have to stop running. who you trying to kid? Who'll be there when you stop running? I tot you'd be.. but i was wrong. You never waited for me. All of you never did. You ran your own races.. in your own strides.. in your own paces.. in your own directions.. you didn't think it mattered.

I'd rather run by myself now.. in case you disappoint me again. If i happen to see you.. i'll stop and say hi. but i wont ask to run with you. Dun want the weight of this expectation to root my feet. Dun want to look like a fool again.

I hate myself for rattling on.. and on and on.. but guess who filled my pages. guess who filled my pages with grudge and complaints.. who left me like this. You know who you are.

Dun worry.. i'll tear these pages apart. what the heck.. i'll throw this whole book away.

So what if you can speak? Come back when you really have something to say!

Boom!

Boom!

i turned around looking from where the sound came from.. i see a wave. a wave of black and white smoke and debris and stone and concrete and steel. like a tsunami.. it sweeps everything in its path.

i see it coming.. My fragile body can feel the shock waves coming.. but i know there's no point running. I stood there.. enjoying the majesty of the moment. Taking in the fact that this is it. i can feel the wind between my fingers as it rushes away from the smoke.. i wish i could run too.. but i'm not the wind. So this is it. where my journey ends. Or at least what i thought.

Before i knew it.. i was before this great wall of destruction.. cliche as it is.. time for once stood still. A final salute.. my last hurrah.. my closing curtain. For once, time stood still for me.

i could see clearly what was in the smoke.. and i know i'll be part of it in no time. i thought in the movies.. your life was supposed to be flashing before your eyes or something. Bullshit. It never happened. Or have i ever had a life worth remembering in the first place. All i could think of is if i was supposed to be thinking at all in the face of my end. i was trembling with fear.. but i let out a grin.. laughing at myself. My eyes could hardly open wide with the wind pouring in. but i had to see this for myself.

It's getting louder and louder. and suddenly, it's here. I dun hear a thing anymore.. like sound just got sucked out of this world. I couldn't open my eyes anymore. I feel my body rammed so hard against this wall that my body flies backwards.. the debris in the air cuts my face and my body.. my lungs ruptured by the compression. I thought it was gonna be quick.. i was wrong. Every cut was ever so vivid.. ever so painful.

The blast threw me so far away.. i slammed against this wall and ended my flight. my arms and legs felt broken from the impact. The blast lost steam and slowly danced off to a whimper. leaving me shattered and bleeding. finding it so hard to breath.. i thought i rather die. on the ash and stones littered floor i laid.. face on the floor.. tats it? thats all? i think it's over.

ashes raining over me in black flakes.. the air smelt like burnt rubber.. my body feels so swollen. i close my eyes. Hoping it'll end just here. The whole world closing in on me.. or did i just shut the world out.

my world is in darkness now. Am i dead? i really don't know. How do i check? It doesn't really matter anyway.

But it sure was fun being blasted away.

Hey.. tonight I'm feeling fine..

"Hey.. tonight i'm feeling fine"
from a song i've heard this line
laying down my head with my phone by my side
wont you please ring for once this time

Hey.. am i feeling fine tonight?
the wind so strong and i feel so light

made me forget my brooding set of mind

but why don't i see a smile in sight

Are you kidding? You're still waiting?
I've seen mad man saner than you
my phone wont ring.. the smile wont stick
wake up wake up.. silly man.

Hey.. i found it.. i've found the way
Stop believing.. stop .. stop deceiving
I'm never gonna let it go if i keep trying so hard
never gonna see anything with my eyes wide shut

So then again.. dun waste my time
Quarter lifer ain't anymore too young
Say it's over.. Know it's over..
a brand new page awaits you silly man

Hey today i'm feeling fine!
I really am.. i feel so light
silly man.. silly man
i waited so long for nothing

and it took this Nothing to teach me everything else

I dont do rhyme

MICE MICE MICE... that's where the money is.
that's where i'm going. not after the money though.
How much is a few cents worth? how much is a lot of money worth?
Not much really.. yawn.. working for money? Isn't that a chore?

sneeze sneeze.. please turn of the tap.
If not for my blocked nose.. i could almost smell the air.
Welcoming.. exciting... challenging.. bleeding.. :(
Sneeze sneeze.. my nose is bleeding.. my head is burning.. yawn.. isn't it a chore

Selamat selamat.. stop playing your game..
you come out of hiding and we can all go home.
You can go back to jail.. where they feed you.. clothe you.. groom you like a pet.
Honestly.. the thought of that seems better than the lives of many i know.
Stupid selamat.. waste my time.. yawn.. isnt it a chore.

CNY CNY!!! -_-"

haiz, big deal.. how i wish i was a kid again. New Year is so much more fun when you're younger.

well well.. been busy recently.. havent got time to come around to blog. well.. life's as usual.. in 8Sig now.. busy busy busy.. doing so much stuff. But still, i feel much better now than i was in 3Sig. ha. Got lots more to learn though.. went in less than 3 months and i'm re-profiled again. argh.. ground zero.. square one! :(

well.. spent alot of money recently.. one particular one really made me bleed BIG TIME!! argh.. thinking of it really makes my heart ache again. Was supposed to be having our poly reunion dinner and ming yan suggested Humble House. Oh gosh!!! i remembered my brother told me it's expensive.. very expensive indeed! I called them up to tell them DUN eat there! haha.. but we still ended up there. :(

Haiz, good thing the company we had was good.. since we spending so much money, we might as well have a good time then. Damn malu thing was that the first dish was YuSheng.. then Humble Hse was quite dark.. we started stirring the YuSheng right away making so much noise.. then we realise a stunned waiter standing beside us holding 2 plates. Only then we realise our YuSheng had no fish and sauce.. only all the vege and redish and stuff. ha.

damn paiseh la.. we told the waiter we actually looking for the raw fish cos we thought it's underneath. haha.. lame excuse. ha. He put the fish and sauce and we started stirring again.. huat ah! haha.

5 course meal... first dish - YuSheng, 2nd dish - Shark Fin Soup, 3rd Dish - snow fish with vege, 4th dish, crab meat fried rice, 5th dish - 2pieces of Nian Kao(New Year cake). I feel the flavour was average.. overrated.. the cost? A WHOPPING $110 per pax!!!! argh! *world spinning, daniel screaming!!!

my most ex meal ever. haiz. dun recommend anyone there unless you feeling really rich. food fare was average..not really fantastic. 6/10.

back to work tml.. ktv was fun.. but they not enthu enough though.. crispina fly me airplane! last min tell me she not goin then she ended up gambling with my mum. haha.

kekeke.. gonna sleep le.. got work and school tml.. An Xin Shang Lu!!!

Christmas is over. well.. not really, it's never really over. thats not the point. the point is, Christmas is different this year. definately different. i think i gotta start getting used to it. New year is even over.. now's the jan birthday season now. One thing after another.. but it's so different now. Well.. wat was i expecting?

well.. i said i wanted to post after my trip.. but i didnt. i was busy.. i was tired.. i was held up with stuff.. i just plain didnt bothered. i've got nothing to say actually. everyday gone by but i feel so task orientated. this familiar feeling of unsatisfaction again. It's been good actually, better than i thought it would be. But cant help feeling that it could be so much more.

not just talking about church. About my work, about my life, about my family, about my friends. Everyone, including myself, fell short of my expectations. not that my expectations meant anything to them. i'm just sighing. thinking there could have been so much more in my life.

BUT! one thing did surpass my expectations! Toa Payoh HBD Hub foodcourt's ROJAK!!! my mummy wanted to eat over there and go visit the HBD showrooms as well.. but i was thinking " All the way to HDB for a plate of Rojak?!" oh boy was i pleasantly surprised by the rojak!

i walked up to the modern look stall as ordered a $3 plate of Rojak.. the uncle took my money and gave me number chip pointing to the automated number calling machine(those that you'll find in hospitals or clinics calling for paitent's numbers). He told me to collect when my number's up. i was stunned for a moment.. used to getting my rojak fast. this is pretty new.

i saw that my number is still quite some digits away.. went back to my seat to chat with my mummy for a while. She told me that this is the only place she know that has 2 stalls of Rojak in the same food court. the amazing thing is that both the stalls are of the same owner!!!

2 stalls! and i'm waiting for my rojak with a number chip.. either they're damn slow or they're really damn good!. haha. i hope it's the latter. hee.

15mins wait.. it's here! holding the weight of the $3 plate of rojak in my hand.. i can tell the uncle is really generous. the ingredients are fresh.. the you tiao is super crunchy! i cant stop eating! arghhh... damn nice. haha

long since i've been this impressed! must try.. Toa Payoh HBD Hub basement foodcourt!

ha.. sorry for the sudden food craving surge. *slurp

Shanghaied

i'm back! it's been so long...! (one week actually) ha. but i really missed reading blogs! was trying to blog in china, but you know.. china being a communist country, blocked most of the blogs from the internet over there. sianz. no way in.. no way out.

so many small experiences i wanted to blog on the spot while the memories were still hot, but let it simmer. sianz. ha. well.. still got the photos though. over the next few days will continue to top it up in here. Hopefully i still remember though. ha.

well.. generally, the middle kingdom is fine. finer than i thought. beijing was clean and organised(except for a few kids peeing on public pavement incidents. ha). things werent really cheap unless you go to those places selling AAA standard fakes. but one thing sure impresses, the ladies! oh yeah.. they were more than fine for me. ha. wait wait.. before you condem me into dirty old man region, i'm talking about how they present and carry themselves. ha.

i was wondering, what was different between the girls over there and in sg. well.. i really have no idea.. was it wat they ate? (my shxt does look different from my diet over there.. :x), the weather? cold so they start dressing up maybe? think it's really the whole package. The poise and manners. the dedication and the gentleness they exude.

maybe it's just the girls i met. lucky me.ha. anyway, before their female counterparts in sg start to curse and swear at me, i still prefer local though. they look more comfortable in their own skin, warmer and more welcoming. So support the Made In Singapore lable people! :)

ha. i bet the girls are also complaining about the local guys, but it's just different i guess. China opened up my eyes, and excuse me.. it's not just the girls that are eye opening. ha. they speed at which they progress, that they built, their crazy global ambitions. scary how this small dot is gonna compete with the awaken dragon.

well well.. i'm sitting in mos burger surfing. getting cold in here and my tummy is feeling funny. think i better make a trip to the xi shou jian(wash room in china). ha

*poof*

goin back to camp soon.. but more importantly.. TML I'M ON DUTY!! sianz.. 8Sig really quite a lot of duty.

anyway.. flying off to China on thurs! hee.. well.. a lot of things for thurs.. glen goin to army on thurs also! ha. all the best bro. may you be like a beacon of light in the army.. never falter to the temptations and coming out a stronger than ever! May you experience God in there like never before! and may our Father watch over you and keep you safe ya!

Just had Glen's farewell hightea yesterday at Raffles the plaza. ha.. food wasnt too bad.. and jackson(100plus guy) popped up with lester! ha.. long time no see. had a nice chat all afternoon. still the same old guy like so many donkey years ago. he said he's back for good this time round.. think he's trying to find a job with the foreign ministry. ha. all the best and welcome back yeah.

watch 2 shows yesterday.. enchanted and Hitman. Loved enchanted! haha. super lame.. happy ending.. just the way i like it. ha. Hitman on the other hand.. well.. bang bang bang.. thats about it. :(

anyway.. grace had her hair cut really short. ha. unexpected move girl! tot i had xi li zun bei le.. but still managed to suprise me. ha. but it looks really cute though. dun worry about ppl laughing or staring ya.. they just not used to you in short hair yet. hee.

anyway.. gotta go. back to camp that is.. yawn. :(